I groaned a little as the red stain behind my eyelids told me it was morning. I swallowed, discovering my throat raw and unpleasantly dry. With a rush of memory, I fell swiftly down the rabbit hole into the horror of my last hours of consciousness. My breath hitched and I woke fully, looking around me in a panic, uncertain of where I was and half expecting to see meadow grasses and flowers surrounding my slumbering body. I felt the calloused grip of a rough hand firm on my arm, and I focused my eyes on the man beside me.
“Cain,” I rasped, relief flooding through me. The last time I'd seen him he'd been in a bad way. He still looked terrible - his leg in a splint, unshaven, his eyes as empty and cold as ever, though his smile was warm and his grip on my arm reassuring.
“About bloody time you woke up, Nina,” he grumbled, but he didn't fool me. He'd been scared to death when Dis Pater had sliced the knife into my throat. I'd heard the anguish in his voice when he'd thought I was gone. Unwillingly my hand travelled to my throat to find it swathed in bandages, and he grinned and shook his head.
“Don't look so panicked, there won't be a scar.” I let out a sigh of relief and he snorted. “Never knew you were so vain.”
I glowered at him, as bedside manners went, his sucked. “Don't think they'd look as good on me as they do on you,” I grumbled.
He chuckled and then to my surprise reached his hand out and cupped my face with his coarse hand. “You had me worried for a moment there, sis.”
The familial endearment was a surprise. I must have seriously freaked him out. I forced a smile as I replied, deadpan. “I was bit concerned myself to be honest.”
I held his gaze as he sat back, watching me, turning a small, deadly-looking knife in his fingers as he spoke. “So what happened? You were dead. I know you were.”
I nodded. “Sariel,” I said simply.
He pursed his lips and crossed his arms, the knife clenched in one strong fist. “Figures. He'd have been in a world of shit if you hadn't taken on the job, oh, Lord of the Underworld,” he added with a sarcastic flourish. “Congratulations on the promotion.”
I rolled my eyes at him, too exhausted to bicker.
He looked down and traced the blade of the knife with a scarred finger. “You weren't ... tempted then? Not to come back?”
I waited until he looked at me, seeing the longing in his eyes. It made my chest ache, knowing it was something he would never have and how terrified he must be of what awaited him instead.
“Yes,” I said, wanting to give him the truth. “I was very tempted.”
“But?”
I shrugged, sucking in a breath at the pain in my shoulder and arm. “But,” I agreed. There was no need to spell it out. He knew me well enough.
He gestured to my shoulder with the pointy end of the knife. “Inés had a hell of a job to do on you, so your shoulder and arm got treated last. Give it a few hours and you'll be good as new.”
I nodded and gave him a weary smile, and he carried on. “You really scared the shit out of her, you know.” He hesitated, looking back down at the shiny blade before adding, “Out of all of us.”
“I never knew you cared,” I teased, watching his discomfort with amusement.
“Fuck off,” he replied without rancour.
We were quiet for a while, sitting still with only the movement of the knife turning in his hands and the glint of the blade between us. The silence stretched out as we both avoided the inevitable, but I had questions I had to ask ... and he knew it. “How many?”
My heart was a heavy weight lodged under my ribs as my lungs struggled for air.
He hesitated and then let out a breath, running his hand through his hair and making it stick up in all directions. “The butcher's bill was pretty high, Jéhenne,” he said, his voice soft. “But considering how bad it could have been ...”
I swallowed. I didn't want to hear it, but I knew I had to. “How many?” I demanded.
In typical Cain fashion he didn't attempt to soften the blow. “Two hundred and forty seven.”
I hauled in a breath, but my lungs refused to cooperate, and I gasped, choking as a swell of emotion burst through me. Two hundred and forty seven lives lost. It was beyond comprehension. I shook my head as tears streamed down my face. Cain watched me, impassive, but he reached out his hand and grasped mine.
“I'm so sorry, Nina.”
He sat silent while I cried and shook. So many dead in my name. How could I ever make that right? “Who ...” I knew I had to ask but I didn't know how to phrase it. Were there any among the dead that I loved? It wasn't that any of those I'd lost meant nothing to me. They were all my family, and I knew Lucas must be sheltering me from the pain of their deaths. I would feel that gaping hole in our bloodline soon enough. But Cain knew. He hesitated, his grip on my hand becoming tighter, and I knew he didn't want to be the one to tell me. I looked at him in trepidation, terrified to hear the name about to pass his lips.
“Heloïse.”
“Oh.” I covered my mouth with my hand. Cain didn't look at me, but I knew he must feel it too. He had been alone for so long, to find family had been something important to him. “Oh, poor Inés,” I mumbled between sobs. For all their bitching and fighting, they were sisters. They loved each other more than any passing anger could erase and Inés would feel the lack of her badly. I hadn't known my great aunt all that well, but she had been kind to me when I'd needed her, and I had hoped to know her better. I'd thought I'd get the chance.
“She's not gone from you, Jéhenne.” It took me a moment to understand his meaning and he shook his head, smiling at me. “Lord of the Underworld ... remember?”
I laughed, the sound tinged with hysteria, and suddenly I was laughing and crying in equal measure with my brother holding my hand and the debt of the lives sacrificed in my name weighing heavily on my heart.
***
“You shouldn't be getting up yet!”
Both Cain and I sent Lucas an impatient look as I hobbled out of the bathroom. Even with Corvus' powerful blood, Inés' healing skills and my own abilities, my injuries had been so severe it was going to take a day or two before I felt ... well, human again. Currently I felt older than Corvus and in much worse shape. Though actually that was true. I was far older than Corvus. My head was alive, buzzing with memories as I tried to deal with everything I now knew about who I really was. I kept pushing them away, trying not to look at them too closely for now. I didn't like the person I had been before I'd become Jéhnina, and a good measure of guilt coloured my thoughts when I was forced to consider my past. Besides, I didn't have time. I may have defeated Dis Pater, though the truth of that was still hard to grasp; but my problems were by no means over.
“It's disgusting,” I repeated, returning to the argument we'd been circling before I'd called time out for a shower. “The idea that we should throw some massive party when we've lost so many of the family. Who exactly feels like celebrating right now, Lucas?”
In truth I felt bad laying this at his door when it was hardly his fault. The look on his face when he'd come in to see me was still lurking behind my eyelids. There had been so much love and relief in his expression. I just didn't know how to deal with it. Thankfully Cain's presence had prevented him from getting too mushy, and my own righteous indignation at the untenable situation now presented to me kept me angry enough to ignore it.
“He's right.”
I turned to glower at Cain, surprised he agreed. Parties were usually something he studiously avoided, like angels, babies and anything pink.
He shrugged. “You've never dealt with this crap before, Nina, but a visit from Ambrogio is the equivalent of Henry the eighth arriving on your doorstep. He has a vast retinue to accompany him, and they will expect to be entertained and accommodated in the manner they are accustomed to. The entertainment you provide is an illustration of exactly who you are and what you can do. It's a power play.”
I frowned. “And how far do we go?”
Cain grinned. “It wouldn't be wise to show Ambrogio you are more powerful than he is, that's certain. If he can't control you, you become a threat, so it would be politic to keep the extent of your powers under wraps.”
“Is that even possible?” I ran a frustrated hand through my hair only to get my fingers trapped in the tangles. “Won't they know what I just did?” I demanded, cursing as I tried to prise the knots apart.
Cain glanced at Lucas who nodded. “We've checked out the village; the exterior wards were still in place when Dis Pater died. It was only the inner section that failed just as we planned it should to lead him into the traps we'd laid.” He scowled. “Pity he didn't hit all of them,” he added with frustration before carrying on. “The locals are of the opinion there was a terrible thunderstorm but there are no suggestions of anything abnormal.”
“Those in the Underworld will know Dis Pater is dead,” Cain mused. “But how likely is it the news has spread yet?”
“Oh come on.” I felt my eyebrows hit my hairline. “You think something like that isn't being talked about?”
Cain shrugged. “There will be rumours, the word will get out of course, but the details ... who is there to tell them?” He sat back, readjusting the position of his leg with a grimace. “The souls of the dead he used will remember nothing. In that state they are thoughtless beings, and they'll have no idea of what they were involved in. Dis Pater can't tell tales as he burns in Tartarus.” He spared a moment to flash me a rather terrifying grin. “And I doubt he would have shouted about his plans in advance knowing how you've evaded him in the past. He wouldn't risk looking a fool again, not with Corvus free. He'd have wanted to crow about a done deal. Which leaves us, and Hekatê has been in no state to talk.”
“I forbade anyone to speak of our intentions regarding anything to do with Dis Pater outside of the family, and that command will still hold,” Lucas added.
I watched as Cain nodded. “They will undoubtedly know there has been some rift or power struggle in the Underworld. They may even know Dis Pater is dead. Who did it and who replaced him ... I doubt very much they know that.”
“Sariel could tell us for sure,” I put in.
A dark look crossed his face but he shrugged. “I guess so. He owes you, it would seem.”
I sat down on the bed as a wave of exhaustion hit me like a cement truck. “Jéhenne, you need to rest,” Lucas said and looked at me with concern as Cain tutted.
“Jéhenne, you need to get your arse out of bed; we have forty eight hours before Ambrogio arrives, and you need to be ready for all the shit that entails.”
“She needs to be conscious,” Lucas yelled, pointing at me like exhibit A.
I caught a glance of myself in the mirror on my dressing table and flinched. He might have a point, but Cain was right too, we didn't have time to waste.
Cain huffed at Lucas and then gave me a doubtful look, clearly seeing what I'd just seen. “Well ... feed her or something,” he muttered waving with an irritable gesture in my general direction as he hobbled out of the room.
I looked up at Lucas. “I know you're right, but so is he. I don't have time to rest ... not if I want the family to be safe.” I sighed at his grim expression. “I need your help.”
Lucas came and sat beside me on the bed. “You have it. You know that. You don't need to ask.”
I reached over and squeezed his hand. “I know and I'm grateful.”
He forced a smile, not looking at me and nodded. “Grateful. Yes. I know.” He bit into his wrist and held it out and neither of us mentioned the elephant in the room.
***
I left the preparations for the party in Lucas' capable hands. He seemed to be well aware of all that was required having organised such events for Corvus in the past and threw himself into it with zeal. I knew he was keeping busy, keeping his mind from the past days and the tension that now existed between us. He had stopped meeting my eyes when we spoke, and I ached with sadness for the loss of the friendship we had shared, but I could never be what he wanted, and we both knew it.
The preparations for Ambrogio's arrival may have been spiralling out of control around us as the Château was primped and gilded beyond reason, but there was one thing that could not be pushed to one side or delayed for the great man's arrival. No matter how much was riding on pleasing him, we were all agreed that time must be taken to honour the dead. We would grieve in our own fashion, those we had lost would not be far from out thoughts for a long time, and it would take more than a ceremony to lay the ghosts of the past days to rest. But it was a beginning, and I prayed that the coming days could be navigated with no more violence. Either way I had made myself a solemn vow. I would not lose another member of my family.
Candles were lit, prayers spoken, and Cain and I held Inés tight as she endured the pain of it, supporting her in the only way we knew while her sister's body burned on a pyre that sent flames leaping high into the endless dark of the night sky.
Corvus stood far away from me. He hadn't spoken a word to me since his plea for me to live. Another man who would no longer meet my eyes. I had enough misery to live through tonight, though, and the dead deserved my tears more than his fear of loving me.
Kai had also returned to being my constant shadow. He didn't like to be alone and started at sudden noises. His big eyes were shadowed with fear, and I felt guilty that the innocence in his expression had been tainted by experience. My fault again. I had sent Rodney and Amelia off on a special shopping trip for him - an attempt to mend more than one relationship, and I felt a small flicker of hope as I stood together with Kai and the family.
Some of us wept openly for our loss, others stood stoic and silent as was their way, but the pain was clear enough in their eyes, and all of us who shared the bloodline felt the ache in our veins as though we were bleeding from some hideous internal wound. It would take a long time to heal and would leave an ugly scar, but those of us who remained would be stronger, closer, and we would never forget.