We left Jahral the next day.
I was driven back to the city house with my bodyguard, and I slept alone in a small, feminine room with bars across the windows. When I woke, Osric offered to drive me back to the country estate. He said the plane was on its way over, and after I gathered all my things, we’d head out to the landing strip to board. After we landed, I could get proper medical treatment for my concussion. My split lip was already healing on its own. I was so glad to be going home soon. I missed Sumertha so much. I even missed Metro, with its overgrown lawns and extensive litter. I knew how lucky I was to have the option to leave—so many people here did not.
Osric and I didn’t talk much. I curled up in the corner of the truck and stared out into the thick wilderness, still trying to fight the terrible memories haunting me. I probably shouldn’t have felt bad for Zarek, after the terrible things he did and the terrible things he might have done if not for my bodyguard’s vigilance. I was relieved that Ezekiel’s men saved me. I just couldn’t get Zarek’s screams out of my head.
“Melissa?” Osric asked after a good hour of driving.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“Why do you care?” I grumbled.
Osric sighed and didn’t reply.
I looked over at him. I was sure Osric had some sort of soul, shriveled and rotten as it was. I wondered if he really did care, or if it was all just an act. I was afraid Osric wanted to talk about last night, which I certainly didn’t want to discuss, so I attempted to steer the conversation elsewhere.
“You have any siblings or anything?” I asked, hugging my knees to my chest. I didn’t know why I felt the need to ask—maybe knowing if he had a family could make him more human to me.
“Yeah. A younger brother.”
“What does he do?”
“He’s still in high school.” Osric fumbled around his pockets until he found a pack of cigarettes. He drew one out with his lips. “He’s the smart one in the family,” he mumbled around it.
“Huh.”
“I hope he goes and does something with his life. He’s been doing okay. He’s taking care of Mom and everything. It would be great if he went to college. He’s got the brains for it.”
“But?”
Osric shrugged. “It’s like everyone in Metro. When you’re young, you don’t see the point to education and bettering yourself. You just want drugs and women and money to pay the rent for the next month. And Kiril is probably gonna fall for that bullshit. It’s his problem if he does. Doesn’t mean I don’t have hope for him.”
I just nodded and stared out the windshield. The story was so common that it stopped being tragic.
* * *
I didn’t see Ezekiel again until I was on the plane. I was resting in a chair with my head rolled onto my shoulder when he boarded. With a soft moan, I stood, even though my head still wasn’t feeling up to the task. I knew Ezekiel didn’t personally kill Zarek in such a horrific way, but he did order it and hadn’t looked away.
“Good afternoon, Melissa,” he greeted, his voice smooth and nonchalant, a far leap from my own emotional state. There was nothing in his eyes, no regret or anger, simply that calm blue that remained no matter what. Those were the eyes I looked into when we had sex, and those were the eyes that murdered without flinching.
“Good morning,” I whispered, somehow keeping my voice from shaking.
Bruce and Garrett ascended into the plane behind him, neither of them looking ruffled, either. After wrestling the hatch closed, they disappeared into a room farther back in the plane, leaving Ezekiel and me alone again.
Ezekiel stepped forward to grab a glass of champagne. He motioned for me to sit as he did. I was glad it wasn’t on his lap this time.
He surveyed me as he sipped, and eventually, I looked at him. We stared at each other for a good five seconds before he spoke.
“I know last night upset you,” he murmured, setting down his glass.
I looked away and bit my lip.
“I shouldn’t have done such with you there. I apologize for that.”
“Why? Why not just shoot him in the head or something?” I whispered.
“And spare him the humiliation he put you through?” Ezekiel shook his head. “I believe in equal retribution, Melissa. Do you think you are the first woman he’s kidnapped and attempted to violate? Of course not. And some of these women did not have the luxury of having men around to save them.” His eyes dug into mine until I felt the gaze in my gut. “It is a shame I had to kill him so quickly. I would have preferred to interrogate him for information beforehand. But I do hate to postpone punishment when it’s due.” He leaned forward. “Men need to learn, Melissa. They need to learn that if they so much as touch what is mine, they will suffer the consequences. Spare no pity for Zarek. He got exactly what he deserved, and no more. Jahral will be a better place without him.”
“I just…” I trailed off because I didn’t know what to say.
“You are an empathetic human being, and there is nothing wrong with that.” Ezekiel took a sip from his champagne. “But, of course, empathetic people will never be in control. They will never rule. They will always see everyone as equal, by default. I am different. I think you must prove your worth, and if you can’t prove it, then your life means nothing. That scum was not human, but in fact subhuman. Don’t feel sorry for Zarek and those like him. They drag us all down.”
“But sometimes…sometimes people can’t help but be bad,” I whispered. I thought of myself and my other girls, of the places we’d come from and how they’d scarred us.
“People fool themselves into thinking they don’t have a choice.” Ezekiel’s voice was on the edge of icy, but his gaze remained the same. “They conjure some sob story in the hope it will excuse their behavior.” He leaned forward. “I don’t care about pasts, Melissa. Only the present. We all have a sob story. But in the end, we control our fates. I wasn’t born this way, you know. I fought for everything I’ve acquired. This plane, this champagne, that beautiful dress you wear… I battled for all of it. Not once did I let myself believe that, just because I started out in a low place, I couldn’t have better. I wanted to own the world, and I was driven by such desire.”
For someone who considered choice so important, he certainly didn’t provide me with the option.
“I know you are outraged and disgusted by my behavior last night. Forgive me if I fail to understand why you’re upset. I’ve stopped feeling sorry for scum a long time ago.” He took a contemplative sip. “In fact, I never felt sorry for scum.”
“I’m very thankful that you rescued me,” I murmured. “I don’t want to come off as ungrateful for all you did. I’m just not good with violence and blood.”
“I suggest you put it out of your mind. Zarek is dead. Jahral is safer. You are not his captive, but instead, on your way home, still wrapped in luxury. There is nothing to be sad about.”
I nodded, looking down at my lap. It was still hard to meet Ezekiel’s eyes. His words made total sense, and I didn’t know why I felt bad for Zarek after all he’d done. I hadn’t forgotten those big hairy hands on my skin, or the way he hit me. Or those poor women juiced up on drugs, groped like animals up for sale. Why was I feeling pity for someone who didn’t deserve it?
“I’m afraid that when we return to the city, I won’t be able to stay for long. I have more business up north. So I’ll be leaving you alone for a few nights. It’ll give you some time to recover from your head injury. I hope you don’t mind.”
I shook my head.
“Men want to be rich in the hope that it will eradicate responsibility.” A small, cool smile slipped across Ezekiel’s mouth. “When in fact, it just augments it.”
He crooked a finger at me. I stood and rounded the table to his side. He opened one arm, allowing me to sink into his lap. His hand dropped around my waist, and he tilted his head to kiss me. I played the part exceedingly well, mimicking passion as only a professional could.
But the only things on my mind were those shrieks, echoing in the night.
* * *
I was exhausted by the time we got to the penthouse in Ralston, but I tried not to show it. I wanted to crawl into some sweats and an oversize T-shirt, and sleep for days. Instead, I slipped into some new lingerie waiting for me and slept with Ezekiel. He was considerate enough to allow me rest without interruption.
The next day, he was gone. After spending a day in bed, I was allowed to visit my sister in Metro. That lifted my spirits a tad. I was really missing my sister, strangely enough.
The man who drove me was new. Apparently my old bodyguard had moved onto a different assignment for Ezekiel. My protection had changed yet again. This one was just as solemn and quiet, and I didn’t bother speaking to him.
I called Mimi on the way over. She had just been released from the hospital, and she needed help packing up her things. Apparently, she was going to move into a different apartment. I didn’t blame her. Her place was filled with bad memories for both of us.
The door was slightly ajar when I got to her floor, so I didn’t even bother knocking. I heard music and some conversation in Mimi’s bedroom. For a moment, I feared the worst—that Mimi had somehow managed to latch onto some other man in the past few days. But during a lull of the music I recognized the other voice as Yogi’s. Relief washed over me as I headed for the source. My bodyguard agreed to wait in the kitchen.
Mimi sat on the bed, looking through an old scrapbook while Yogi pulled clothing from the dresser, folding it all and placing it in one of the many boxes that sat around the floor.
“Melissa!” Mimi blurted, looking up. A smile spread across her bruised and stitched face. I stepped over to hug her lightly.
“Where were you these past few days?”
“With Ezekiel on vacation,” I lied smoothly. My makeup did wonders to cover up the bruises and cuts acquired from the altercation with Zarek. I turned to Yogi, who also gave me a hug. “Where’s Kenny?”
“Watching TV in the living room,” Yogi said. She was dressed in a high-waisted skirt stolen straight from my grandmother’s generation and four-inch pumps. She said she had some gig with Thomas, taking care of his kid and playing wife, but I wasn’t sure if she was taking the housewife thing a bit too far. “It’s nice to see you again, Melissa. But…” She lifted a hand and touched the side of my jaw tenderly. “Is this a bruise?”
I shrugged. “I’m just clumsy.”
Yogi looked at me skeptically for a moment—she was used to getting bullshit explanations for bruises by now—but she let it go.
“So can you two give me something to do?”
“I wanted to start packing up the kitchen supplies,” Mimi suggested. “Not the plastic ware—I’ll need that for dinner tonight—but all the other stuff, like casserole dishes and mixers and things.”
So I went to work. I could have told her about my trip to Jahral, perhaps explain the fading bruises on my face, but while she seemed slightly suspicious, she didn’t ask. She stopped asking a long time ago, just like I stopped asking her. It didn’t make any difference what the other had to say about it anyway. I also didn’t tell her about Jahral because I didn’t want to talk about it. She’d just worry, and now that she was recovering from extensive injuries herself, I didn’t want that. She was moving into a new apartment now—a new life. I didn’t want to ruin that for her.
Instead, I tried to pretend nothing was wrong. Really, nothing had changed much. I was still under Ezekiel’s employ. That wouldn’t change for a while. And while I did have bruises, my employer didn’t give them to me.
I went into the living room. Kenny sat on the floor, eating popcorn, his eyes glued to the television. When he saw me, he beamed and waved.
“Hello, Melissa,” he greeted.
I kissed the top of his head. “Hello, Kenny. How are you today?”
He nodded. “I like this popcorn.”
“Oh? Can I have some?”
He covered it for a moment as a joke before laughing and offering me some. Then his expression dropped and he reached out, touching my face. “You’re hurt?”
I gently pushed his hand away. “I’m fine, Kenny. Don’t you worry.”
Kenny held up a DVD case I recognized as Mimi’s. “Do you wanna watch a movie with me?”
“I don’t know. We have to get Mimi packed—”
“No, I think we all need a break,” Mimi said from the doorway, a small smile on her lips. “I know how you love that movie, Kenny. I bought it just for you.”
Kenny cried out with excitement and rushed to turn on the DVD player. He needed a little help from Mimi and me, but eventually we got it playing. The movie was some low-budget straight-to-DVD sequel of a movie that hadn’t even been that great, but for some reason Kenny loved it, and no matter how often he watched it, it never got old.
Once the DVD started and Kenny was situated, Mimi drew me out into the kitchen, where Yogi was washing the last of the dishes. My bodyguard had excused himself to the hall, for reasons unexplained.
“Stay the night,” Mimi said.
“I don’t know if I can do that.”
“Call Ezekiel and ask him.”
I hated to call Ezekiel if it wasn’t an emergency. “Why do you want me to stay the night?”
Mimi’s expression was serious. “You’re always gone, Melissa. Sometimes I wonder if we’re sisters or just acquaintances. I feel lonely, okay? Joel’s gone, and Yogi has to leave around six to meet with Thomas. Most of my things are packed away. I don’t want to sleep in an empty apartment by myself. And I feel like I’m losing you.”
“Mimi, you see me just as much as you’ve seen me for the past few years.”
“I still worry about you.”
“I think I have more cause to worry about you! You’re the one who ended up in a hospital nearly beaten to death…”
“Can you just stay?” Her eyes looked wet, and I had a guilty enough conscience without her bawling. I sighed and picked up my phone, pressing number one, my direct connection to Ezekiel.
He picked up on the third ring, and his voice was totally even, making it impossible to know what sort of mood he was in. “Yes, Melissa?”
“Mimi wants to me sleep over at her apartment. I just wanted to let you know, in case you object to it.”
He didn’t speak for a moment, and I feared his reprimand. Instead, he said, “I’m glad you decided to run this by me. If your bodyguard is there in the apartment with you for the night, you’re allowed to stay.”
“Thank you.”
He hung up without saying good-bye. As I expected.
“You have to tell him about where you’re spending the night?” Mimi asked irritably. “Is he trying to keep you sheltered or what?”
I ignored her. “I can stay if you’d like.”
Mimi sighed. “I don’t like this.”
“Me staying? I can leave if you’d prefer—”
“No. I don’t like you and Ezekiel.”
“Mimi, you’ve said the same thing over and over. I know you don’t like it. I don’t really care what you think.”
“I had your same exact attitude when you warned me about Joel, and now look what’s happened to me!”
“We keep having this same argument. Just let it go already, okay? I’m a grown woman. I can make my own decisions.”
“Doesn’t make them right.”
“No, it doesn’t. But you ended up in the hospital. I didn’t. In fact, the only reason you can move out of this apartment in the first place is because of Ezekiel’s generosity, so—”
“I never asked for his dirty money.”
“Well, you took it.”
“As if I had a choice!” Mimi blurted. “What was I supposed to do, say no thank you? Then I’d have to come up with a reason I couldn’t take it, and the only reason is because it’s dirty money!”
“You don’t even know,” I shot. “You only believe what you hear! Well, maybe those people Ezekiel killed…”
“Say it,” Mimi hissed.
“Maybe they deserved it! Selling drugs to kids, pimping out fourteen-year-old prostitutes, blackmailing and extorting men with families.”
“So you didn’t hear about that fifteen-year-old boy getting shot up because he couldn’t pay off his drug debt? Everyone knows Ezekiel’s men did it! He lived down the street.”
“It wasn’t Ezekiel who did that, just some pawns. Ezekiel wouldn’t have concerned himself over something like that.”
“Since when are you so defensive over Ezekiel?”
Good question. I had always considered Ezekiel the bad guy, just like everyone else did, and seeing his men brutally rape Zarek should have only strengthened my opinion on the matter. But wasn’t Zarek proof that there were worse people out there than Ezekiel? For all his questionable opinions about women, at least Ezekiel hadn’t kidnapped and raped any, to my knowledge. Beyond that, I saw the result of too much chaos and not enough oversight when I was in Jahral. Sure, Ezekiel ordered the murder of people who may not have completely deserved it. But he also killed the real criminals, and he kept this neighborhood cleaner than the cops ever did. If Ezekiel weren’t running his operation, maybe Metro would look more like Jahral—where those who weren’t privileged were threatened and killed, like the Hatchi boy on the side of the road. Metro, on the other hand, was like a spoiled child running free because no one felt like dealing with it.
I wanted to believe there were worse people in this world than Ezekiel. If Ezekiel wasn’t the worst, it meant he could keep me safe from the people who were, and feeling safe was a priority of mine.
“Okay, if you don’t want Ezekiel, who would be better? The cops? Remember when they were questioning that one prostitute and ended up—”
“—raping her? Yes, I’m well aware. I’m not forgiving the cops for that, but—”
“At least Ezekiel pays me,” I snarled. “The cops don’t even have that courtesy.”
“Shut up, both of you.”
We both jumped slightly, having forgotten that Yogi still stood there. She looked angry, her tiny eyebrows lowered over heavily shadowed eyes.
“Neither of you is going to change the other one’s mind on the matter, so I suggest you just give it up for the moment.”
“What do you think about it?” I asked, exasperated.
“I have no opinion,” Yogi said softly. “Everyone has their own path, and they’ll follow it until they’re forced to reconsider. It makes no sense to insult the path one person takes if you’re not on it yourself.” She sniffed.
“So wise,” I muttered sarcastically.
“I’m older than you.” Yogi turned her dark brown eyes to me. “By ten years. And may I remind you, I’m in a very similar situation.”
“What?”
“Thomas.”
I laughed. “I hardly think he’s a drug lord.”
“He’s still paying me to live with him and pretend to love him. It’s not a bad arrangement. In fact, it’s the best life I could imagine for myself.”
“Thomas is nothing like Ezekiel,” Mimi grumbled. “Thomas is just a lonely middle-aged guy who wants a wife. He wouldn’t hurt a fly. Ezekiel’s not lonely. He just… I don’t know what he wants.” She shot a look at me. “That should bother you.”
“No use thinking about it. I’m going back to the living room to watch the rest of that movie with Kenny. He seems to be the only person who doesn’t assume he knows what’s best for me.”
“I never made such an assumption.” Yogi shrugged. “I was just saying.”
I marched back to the living room. Kenny was happy to see me, and he quickly cuddled up next to me, holding my arm as his head dropped to my shoulder. I chuckled and squeezed the hands clasped over my bicep.
* * *
Without Yogi and Kenny around, the tension between Mimi and me only grew worse. She made frozen dinners, and we ate mostly in silence. I asked her about Joel, and she said she’d been asked to testify at his trial.
“You’re going to, right?”
“I don’t know.” She gulped down some gloopy sauce, peppered with small pieces of chicken and broccoli. I could barely keep it down, even though frozen dinners never disgusted me before. I was so used to the five-star meals I received at Ezekiel’s residence.
“You don’t know? Mimi, if you don’t testify, he might not even get put in jail. Do you want him walking around terrorizing you?”
“Like he’d get put in jail even if I did testify. I’m just Metro trash. No one cares about us, let alone some hoighty-toighty jury in Alpin. That’s the courthouse where it’s all going down. Alpin.” She shook her head angrily. “They have no right.”
“Well, they have to do something. Joel is a danger to society.”
She only nodded.
I peered at her suspiciously. “Do you still love him?”
“No.”
“Is that the truth?”
She gave me an annoyed look. “I learned my lesson.”
I decided to take her word for it. I was sick of arguing with her. We ate in silence for a few more minutes.
“You miss Mom?” she asked quietly.
“‘Course I do.”
Mimi sniffed. “Sometimes I wonder…would it be better if she were here still? Would you be what you are, and me, like this? Mom kept us together. She made us strong.”
“Maybe.” I always wondered what Mom would have done if I’d told her one of her boyfriends molested me. I’d always kept it secret for a variety of reasons. He hadn’t been an outwardly cruel man and seemed like an actual improvement to those before him. At that age, I was desperate for attention, especially from a man who didn’t seem to hate my existence. Only after my mother threw him out did I realize what he’d done—the mark it had left. After that, I found it impossible to trust men. He claimed to love me. I found sex much easier if I could remove the prospect of love from the beginning. This was probably why prostitution came easier to me than it might other women, ones who grew up with men who loved them without hurting them. For me, making sex a transaction was a method of protection. I never doubted that line between love and sex until Ezekiel. I didn’t love Ezekiel, of course, but I also wasn’t allowed my usual indifference. It forced me to look at my own ignorance of what love actually entailed.
“She’d yell at us,” Mimi said, half-crying, half-laughing. “She’d call us idiots for ending up like this.”
“I remember when she wanted us to go to college,” I whispered. “She would always say we’d get rich and she’d be mooching off us until she died.”
“What a joke,” Mimi hissed, suddenly angry. “Why the hell would she think that? Why the hell? As if we had the money or the ability. She lied to us. She fucking lied.” Mimi’s head fell into her arms, and she was sobbing again. “She lied,” she kept repeating.
I sighed and stood, gathering the dirty plates while Mimi wept. Mimi had always been the emotional one, just like Mom. Mom spent most of her life crying. Over men, over bills, over her children’s failures. That’s why, when I was just ten years old, Mom told me in secret, “If either of you girls becomes something, it will be you, Melissa. Mimi—she’s a beautiful, wonderful girl, and I love her more than anything—but she also has weaknesses, like me. She lets others’ opinions of her hold her down. But you, Lissa…you’ll fly off one day. You’ll just spread your wings and take off, and I fear Mimi and I will never hear from you again.” She had laughed, her eyes filled with glittering teardrops. “Think of me when you’re out exploring the world and making something of yourself, all right? Remember what I taught you.”
I stopped in the middle of the kitchen, a surge of rage rising inside of me, more anger than I’d felt since Mom’s death. My hands shook, and before I could even evaluate my reaction, I raised my arms and threw down the plates so hard that they smashed against the linoleum. Several pieces skittered all the way across the room, sliding under the refrigerator and cabinets. I raised a foot and stomped on the larger pieces. I wanted to hear that crack they made when they shattered, wanted to hurt something so much. I wanted to feel like Ezekiel—powerful, invincible. I only wished the plates could bleed, could scream, could beg me for mercy. I wished they had children, parents, families. I wished their fates rested with me, because that would make me important. It would make me feel in control.
“Melissa? Melissa, what was…?”
Before Mimi could get there, I was already out of the kitchen and running out the door, barely acknowledging the bodyguard sitting on the stairs, waiting for me. He didn’t even ask as I took the stairs two at a time. He just followed. And it made me feel better, this minion who had to do my bidding. It didn’t even matter that they weren’t my orders, but Ezekiel’s. As long as it seemed like he was my bodyguard. That was all I needed.
“Where to?” he asked once I slid into the car. I hadn’t even waited for him to open my door.
“The Ralston penthouse,” I muttered. I reached up to wipe away the tears I knew had to be there. But there were none, and I almost laughed.
I was in control. Always in control.