“You’re just as lonely as the day I met you.”
“I don’t want to ride yet.” Cal glanced at the stables. “Let’s walk.”
“Okay.” Taking his palm, Reegan laced her fingers through his. They strolled off the path and into a beautiful field.
“What is it?” she asked after several minutes of silence.
“I’ve decided to partner with a friend.” Cal stared into her eyes, then looked away. “He asked me to move out of state.”
“I’m sorry you drove all the way out here to tell me that.”
“I came to ride with you, like always, and I wouldn’t leave town without telling you.”
“We knew what this was when it began. You could’ve told me in—”
“What? A text?”
“I suppose.” With a shrug, she let go of his hand. “Why not? Isn’t that how it’s done these days?” She grabbed on to one of the branches above them, looking like a too-tall girl standing under some monkey bars.
“That’s not how I do things.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t need you.” She dropped her arms to her sides and turned.
“I’m sorry, Reegan.”
“Don’t be.”
“No...” He took her hand. “I’m sorry he treats you like shit.” Reegan peered at Cal, eyes wide, forehead crinkling. “You deserve more.”
“What do I deserve?” she replied, choking back an insidious laugh. “This? You?”
“I’m sorry if I ever treated you bad—”
“No, Cal, you haven’t... You didn’t.” She held his wrists and gazed at him. “The light hitting your eyes right now… They’re so green.”
Cal squinted, holding a palm up to the sun. “You deserve something far better.” He looked around the field. “Part of it is here. I think.”
“Here?”
“Outdoors, in a place like this. You’ve always seemed happiest when you ride, and afterward. The horses give you peace.”
“And what gives you peace?”
Cal thought she was brave demanding a truth from him she knew he wouldn’t relate. Brushing a thumb across her cheek, he stared at her pale skin, into those blue-star-flower eyes. This would be the last time he would see her. The last time he would smell her. And he knew her scent now — earth after rain, water on leaves, a pinch of lavender.
“When do you go?”
“In a week, two tops.”
“Just like that, huh? It’s done. I thought I would be the one to end this … this fucking mess.”
“I can’t see you again, Reegan.”
"I know.” She began to walk around the sheets of grass, pushing the tips of her brown riding boots against the ground, shuffling really, hands in her pockets. “I married for money, Cal.” Reegan stopped and glanced over at him. “I know. Everyone knows that. It’s just that ... it’s the first time I’ve said it out loud … to another person. I wanted to hear how it sounded.” She feigned a smile. “It sounds like bullshit.”
“Lots of people marry for money.”
“I never thought I would.” She sighed. “I don’t know what I want. I’m turning forty next month — forty. I’ve wasted too many good years. I’ve waited too long for my life to start, expecting it to begin ... and now... Now I don’t know what I want.”
Pausing a moment, she looked up at the trees. The wind rustled through the leaves.
“I thought you were altogether something different when I met you.” She stepped forward, stood in front of him, inches separating them.
“You don’t know me, Reegan.”
“You can’t say that to me anymore.” She placed her hands on his sides, and stared up at his face.
Cal searched the field, the trees, the grass, the man he once knew, the woman she could be. Always sure someone else could find themselves, the idea never quite taking root for himself.
“I do know you,” she replied with a smile. “I know you enough to see that you hide. The man who once told me he doesn’t have to hide who he is — he hides.” Her fingers climbed his shirt until they reached his collar. “You’re just as lonely as the day I met you.”
Cal’s mouth hit her pursed lips, sudden and fierce. He wanted to quiet her. Needed to. He didn’t want any more of her detestable words. He kissed her the same as he had when they’d first met. Unforgiving, famished.
A rock at the bottom of the ocean.
Only this was more.
Quieting her, subduing her, dancing his tongue with hers, feeling her tiny, pointy breasts against his chest, remembering the freedom, feeling the ambivalence, the instant regret, the primal need to fuck her, but finally tiring of the indiscreet affair they’d begun because of The Lonely.
This would be the last taste of her mouth.
Like this.
The end of his reliance on her for the cure.
Reegan splayed her palms against his chest, inched her head away, and stared into his eyes again. Tears glossed in hers, making the pale blue splinter red.
“Where are you going?” She turned, hands shaking as she surveyed the field. “Where are you moving to?”
Facing her profile, he gazed at her beautiful, kinky blonde hair blowing across her backside, over her shoulders, down her chest, her fingers busy brushing the tips — a habit he’d come to adore.
“Miami,” Cal replied numbly, hardened by the sudden cold he felt entering his veins despite the warmth of the sunlight flickering across his face.