Do everything without complaining or arguing.
—Philippians 2:14 NIV
AS WIVES, WE HAVE A UNIQUE ABILITY TO IMPACT and love those around us. The trouble is that we can often fall into the trap of feeling resentful if we do not receive appreciation for our efforts. If we are working full- or part-time, this can be especially challenging. One recent study confirmed that working women feel the primary responsibility for their housework, regardless of work status or pay.1 This next story helps us to think maturely while teaching us a very simple communication tool, namely, that of stating the facts without embellishment or excessive emotion.
Carol knew she had a lot to learn about expectations. Four days ago, she had taken Mike’s shirts to the cleaners. This time she’d hung them in his closet instead of on the bedroom doorknob for him to put away, as she had done for years. Carol had even put them on plastic hangers instead of leaving them in the bags on the wire ones. It was a small act of kindness, but she was proud of herself and expected him to notice.
To her surprise, however, he didn’t say one word to her about it. She was surprised and disappointed by his lack of response. Carol had managed to squeeze the chore into an already busy day and had fought rush-hour traffic for twenty extra minutes on the way home from work so she could stop by the dry cleaners. When she finally did get home, her arthritic hands were flaring up, and the additional work left them sore and stiff.
Tonight, when he came in for dinner, she was not as warm and welcoming as she had become over the last several weeks since working on applying respect in her marriage, and he did notice that!
“What’s the matter, Carol?” he asked, “You seem upset about something.”
She turned and stared, but held her tongue. She was about to tell him how she felt about the shirts when it occurred to her that she would probably sound like their four-year-old grandchild when she starts whining. It’s not like she was a young and immature wife—she was fifty-four years old! As she thought about it, she realized that to be upset because she didn’t get a “thank you” for her effort was just that—immature. Mike was not even aware of the tough day she had had when she picked up the shirts, and he was extremely stressed with his work too. She remembered her Bible verse for the week, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”
She also remembered who she was really serving. Carol thought of how Jesus poured his love on people who were considered totally unlovable in that culture: the sick, the disabled, the widows, the orphans, tax collectors, poor people, and thieves. After all that Christ had done for them—and for her, for that matter—she could certainly show a little sacrificial love to this average middle-aged man by taking care of a few shirts for him.
Carol made a healthy relationship decision. She decided to state the facts. “I picked your shirts up from the cleaners four days ago and hung them in your closet,” she said.
Mike responded, “Yeah, I know. Thank you. And you put them on the other hangers. I appreciate you doing that for me.”
Carol wanted her husband to grow in his faith and wanted to model Christ for him, but she knew she was not going to have any impact by acting put out when she served him. That meant not getting all bent out of shape over a few shirts!
BOTTOM LINE: Serve God, and others will see Jesus!
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
1. What one act of kindness or chore can you do for your husband today?
2. How will your expectations (regarding your husband’s response) be challenged when doing this?
3. Sometimes a Scripture verse will show us things about ourselves that we didn’t know before. What was illuminated for you with regard to today’s verse, Philippians 2:14?
4. Do you tend to state the facts, or do you communicate emotionally? What would be the outcome if you could communicate more factually in your relationship with your husband?
5. Why does choosing a good attitude while serving not make you a doormat?
True respect also means taking care of things that your spouse deems important to him. Today, while continuing to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, do one act of kindness or a chore for your husband that you know is important to him. Actively choose to have a positive attitude and do this chore without expecting him even to notice and without pointing out what you did for him.
Pray that one of the ways God will reveal himself to your spouse (and others) is by enabling you to love without expectation or resentment. Be certain to thank God for any progress or positive changes you have experienced spiritually or relationally. This is the first step in living your life for the audience of One.
