WHATEVER WE PAY ATTENTION TO GROWS!

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

—Philippians 4:8 NIV

JUST AS A CHILD WHO CRAVES ATTENTION WILL SEEK TO garner this attention through any behavior necessary, good or bad, whatever we give attention to will increase in frequency. If we want to increase responsible behavior or kindness, we need to acknowledge those character traits when they emerge. Too often we pay attention only to the negatives. Is it surprising then if negativity begins to permeate our relationships?

Frequently we also manage our interactions with our spouses with an expectation that they can read our minds. Men are human too. We need to remember that we forget things as well.

Maggie sat in the garage and fumed with irritation. Three days ago she had asked her husband to drill the holes in the wood planks so she could finish her projects for the craft show the next weekend. There they sat, untouched, on his work table. As it stood now, several late nights faced her so she could still participate and not lose her booth reservation fee. “Three times I’ve asked him to do these—it takes him fifteen minutes—why won’t he help me?!”

Her eyes welled with tears, and she became angrier. As she walked from the workshop to the house, she remembered several weeks ago when she’d asked for his help and he had completely ignored her, not even answering. Instead, she’d taken them over to a friend’s house and her friend’s husband had ended up drilling them for her. This time, however, when Brett had seen her getting ready for the next show, he’d volunteered his time to help her. “I guess that’s something,” Maggie thought to herself, “It’s more than he’s done before.”

Her verse, Philippians 4:8, flowed through her mind as she walked into the house and found her husband paying bills at his desk.

“Brett, I really appreciate your offering to help me drill the holes this time for the craft show. Do you have time right now to do them? I’m behind in assembling the wall hangings, and I’m worried about not getting them done if I don’t spend time on them today. I can’t do anything else until the holes are done.”

Her husband looked up at her and replied, “Yeah, I can do that. Let me finish this bill and I’ll be right out.”

She waited next to him, and they walked out to the workshop together. Fifteen minutes later, he was on his way back to the house and she was thankful she had chosen to pay attention to what was true, right, and admirable instead of nagging or complaining to him about being insensitive.

BOTTOM LINE: Think about what is right, pure, admirable, true, excellent, praiseworthy, and noble—and it will change your attitude and make you more successful in the way you communicate with others!

SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?

1. List three of your achievements. List things you have worked hard to accomplish, over time, and have (whether known to you at the time or not) received God’s help in accomplishing. Some examples might include finishing your degree after having kids, raising a child, or finishing your first quilt. If you have difficulty in coming up with three, ask your husband, a sister, a good friend, and God for direction on which three you should pick and then list them.

2. Prayerfully consider each of the achievements you listed. Which one do you sense God was most involved in? How?

3. Remember the details surrounding all aspects of this achievement. Prayerfully make some notes about what was most important during this time. Think in terms of how you thought about challenges you faced, how you overcame them, what your thought patterns were like, and so forth.

4. What do you sense God wants you to know about yourself, based upon this achievement?

5. What do you sense God wants you to know about him, based upon this achievement?

6. What do you sense now that you didn’t know when you were in the midst of the achievement?

7. In terms of achievement, how are you viewing your progress in doing The Respect Dare? Go back to the Understand This First section at the beginning of the book and evaluate how you are doing in each of those areas. Do you need to make any adjustments? If you are in a small group, how is your group doing?

Whatever we pay attention to grows. God tells us in Philippians 4:8 what we are to think about. If our thoughts are constantly focusing on those things, we are living life through the lens of the Holy Spirit. In other words, we can see life and people the way God does.

We can then pay an honest compliment before offering constructive feedback. We can also see how inaccurate our perceptions are. We can build others up instead of tearing them down, all the while saying what needs to be said in a way that motivates and will be heard. We need to use our negative emotions as cues to seek God’s perspective. We can then sin less and glorify him more.

Your challenge today is simply to pray for God to enable you to see life through the lens of the Holy Spirit, to give you the ability to see what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy in every situation—especially those that cause you to be angry, hurt, or irritated.

Pray for his strength to accomplish this.