Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
—Proverbs 16:24 NIV
SOMETIMES WE JUST NEED TO ASK FOR POSITIVE FEEDBACK. Hearing accolades about ourselves should never be our motive for changing, but when we feel down, our spouse can often lift us up in ways no other individual on the planet is capable of doing. Give him the chance.
Nick brought the dishes he’d cleared from the table into the kitchen and stood by his wife, who was at the sink staring out the window. “You’re going to be late to your Daughters of Sarah meeting,” he said.
“I don’t think I’m going to go,” Emily replied.
“Why not?” he prodded.
“I’m just not as far as I thought I’d be by now in the course. I keep thinking I’m going to be different, and yet all I see are my failures,” she answered.
“What are you talking about?” Nick was incredulous. “I have seen so many changes in you!” he said.
“Really? Like what? I’m supposed to talk tonight about how I’ve done with my commitment, but I feel like I haven’t made any progress at all! What changes are you talking about?” Emily doubted he would have much to say now.
“Oh, Em, you’re just different. You’re more confident. You make decisions better. You don’t worry as much. There’s a sense of peace about you that hasn’t been there before. And you’re nicer to me. You notice every single day when I come home from work, and you seem really interested in me as a person again. It’s like you’re that girl I fell in love with fourteen years ago. I really like it that you say nice things to me once in a while now. I enjoy hearing that I’m doing a good job, and I like it that you thank me for going to work in the morning, as corny as that may be.” He stopped and looked at her. “You need to leave now or you’re going to be late. I’ll get the dishes.”
She stared at him, now her turn to be incredulous. She had no idea that in five short weeks, she had turned the cold, black lump of resentment in her heart into what she truly did feel now: peace. He was right. She was different. Her commitment had been to trust God with all her might, and as a result, she had stopped worrying and had new peace in her life. Grabbing her purse and coat, she headed out the door to tell the class about her conversation with Nick. She also made a mental note to let him know more often how much she values all he does and the man he’s become. She felt great and wanted him to feel that same way.
BOTTOM LINE: If you want to find out how you are doing, check in with your husband. His perspective will not only enlighten you but also remind you of what God is doing in your life.
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
1. Think of five things your husband does, consistently, every week and write them down (takes out the garbage, goes to work, etc.).
2. Write down a strength that each of those activities represents (for example, if he goes to work every day, he’s a provider; if he takes out the garbage, he demonstrates responsibility).
3. Write down what each of those strengths means to you, why it’s important, and why you appreciate it.
4. Turn each one into a single note (for a total of five notes), and then hide them where your husband will find them over the course of a week. Put them on the steering wheel of his car, in his laptop or briefcase, or in his underwear drawer; mail one to him at work, etc.
Have no expectation that your husband will notice or say even a single word about receiving these notes. You are doing this to build him up and encourage him. This is an opportunity to give him a gift in the purest sense without a single expectation.
Thank God for what he has already done in your spiritual life. Be specific. Pray that he gives you his level of love to heap upon your man.