To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
—1 Peter 3:8–9 NASB
MANY OF US GET TOO MUCH EXERCISE BY JUMPING TO conclusions. We all need to do a better job of extending grace instead of judgment, and we can often be a positive influence to others as a result.
Completing the work at her computer, Bonnie’s fingers sped across the keyboard. She tried to stay focused on the report; however, the voices of the two women next to her cube continued to distract her.
“Shannon showed up late again today even though I’m pretty sure the boss talked to her just yesterday about being late so much!” hissed Nicole.
“Yeah, I noticed,” Dana responded. “I’m getting tired of answering the phones for her until she decides to grace us with her presence. I can’t believe she hasn’t been fired yet!”
Bonnie’s fingers froze. Aware of Shannon’s recent separation from her husband, she knew her coworker was juggling trying to get two kids to different schools and one to preschool, all before coming in to work in the morning. Never mind all the additional housework and being the only parent shouldering all the responsibilities. She also knew Dave, their supervisor, had given Shannon a bit of a break yesterday and moved her start time from 8:00 to 8:45 a.m.
The two women rounded the corner, ducking their heads into Bonnie’s cubicle. “Hey Bonnie, aren’t you getting tired of picking up the slack for Shannon? Haven’t you had enough of this? We’re going to go complain to Dave and were wondering if you wanted to come with us,” announced Dana.
“Oh, hi Dana! Hey, how’s your son doing? Did the appointment go okay yesterday?” Bonnie inquired, dodging the question.
“Thanks for asking,” Dana began. “We still don’t know what’s causing his illness and are actually thinking of trying that in-hospital procedure.” Dana’s son frequently suffered from intense headaches, and the doctors still had yet to find a cause.
“Well, keep me posted, okay? I keep praying for him. So what are you gals talking about with Shannon? She’s been having a hard time lately, and actually I think she could use our help,” Bonnie stated.
Dana seemed surprised. “Why? What’s going on with her?”
“Well, it’s similar to what you’re going through with your son, Dana,” Bonnie responded softly. “The circumstances are a little different, but essentially it’s the same in terms of stress level. I think she could use a little grace from all of us these days. If I remember right, Dave adjusted her hours yesterday to try to help her out too. He’ll probably talk with us about it today.”
BOTTOM LINE: Many times when we are frustrated with someone else’s behavior, we don’t have all the information. Mature communicators ask questions and extend grace before becoming angry and, as a result, are a blessing to others.
1. What would change in your relationship with your husband if you returned a perceived insult with a question and some grace?
2. Think of the last time you and your husband had a disagreement. What occurred?
3. Did you take the time to fully understand his opinion before communicating yours to him? Why or why not?
Your dare today is to repeat back your understanding of what someone is saying to you, before you voice your own opinion. Start your sentence with, “If I hear you correctly, you are saying . . .” Then listen for the response. In doing this, you will become aware of how well you understand what is actually being said to you.
Pray, asking God to help you honor him through helping you listen well, regardless of the circumstances. Do your very best to recall what is said to you and the intent behind the communication.
