I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
—1 Corinthians 1:10 NIV
THE CONCEPT OF SUBMISSION IN THE BIBLE IS A TOPIC that can cause negative reactions among women who do not understand it. Even wives who know their husbands will be held responsible for the outcome of their families by God himself, sometimes still fight for control of their families.
Regardless what you believe about the topic of submission, a wife who accepts her husband as the “CEO” of their family can significantly reduce the level of conflict in her home. A corporation with two CEOs would result in much conflict. Families are similar. Women who accept their husbands’ leadership can have more influence than those who are always struggling to be in control. “Submission” is simply meant to solve disagreements and differences of opinion when compromise cannot be reached.
Conversely, women who do not share their opinions with their husbands start to experience resentment and frustration. Their families often do not benefit from their experience. Submission does not mean silence or becoming a doormat. Healthy relationships exhibit dialogue that respectfully communicates disagreement and creates a partnership.
Lizzie cringed when she heard Stephen talking to their eleven-year-old, Adam, about Boy Scout camp. Significantly concerned about the boy going away to a different state for a full week, she had told Stephen she thought it was the wrong thing to do. “He’s going to get homesick. He’ll want to come home. He’ll be a complete mess. He’s too young. There will be a ton of boys there who are so much older than he is. I don’t want him to go,” she said, barraging him with her motherly anxieties.
“Time to cut a few apron strings, Mom,” Stephen had replied. “I don’t disagree that he’s going to be homesick. I think a lot of what you say is true. However, he’s eleven and he needs to go. It will be fine. His friends from the troop will be there as well, and so will Nat’s dad. Columbus was twelve years old when he left home for good, Lizzie. Adam’s going to be fine.”
Listening to them pack and talk about the things he would do while there did absolutely nothing to calm her fears. She knew she was being a little irrational, but even that realization didn’t help her make peace with the concept. She decided all she could really do was pray.
“Dear God, I have no idea what’s going to happen while Adam’s at camp next week, but I know you do, and I trust that you have it covered. I give to you all my concerns and worries about his being away from home for that long, and I trust that you will take care of him. Amen.”
While Adam was away she prayed every day, and when he returned she eagerly listened to everything that had happened. She was right in some regards—he had become homesick and he didn’t get much sleep—but one thing he mentioned stopped her in her tracks.
“Mom, you know Gavin? That kid that I’ve been friends with for a while in the troop? He’s been going to church ever since he was little, but I didn’t see him really living his faith. He was always the last to pitch in for KP, and we always had to hunt him down to get him to pull his weight.
“Well, I started a conversation with him about all that, and did you know he didn’t even believe in Jesus? We talked for a long time, and when we were done, he and I prayed together and he’s decided to believe and put Christ in charge of his life. He’s really sorry about all the things he’s done in his life and realizes he needs God, and he told God that. And the next day, he was a little different. He was gathering firewood before anyone else was even thinking about the evening camp fire.”
Pleased by her son’s behavior and a little unsettled that she had almost been a barrier to his attendance, she grabbed Adam.
“Come over here,” she said as she pulled him into her arms. “I want you to know how proud I am of you for doing that.”
So in spite of the many mosquito bites and poison ivy, Lizzie’s son had come home with more than several merit badges. He had also helped his friend in an eternal way. Lizzie felt all the hesitation and reservations wiped away.
BOTTOM LINE: Living in peace often means trusting our husbands’ judgment and God’s sovereignty instead of paying more attention to our fears.
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
1. Many of us have been faced with circumstances where we need to “tow the line” despite misgivings. What negative perceptions about a company ensue if a customer witnesses a supervisor and subordinate disagreement? How does this concept apply to parenting when the parents fail to present a unified front to their kids?
2. Corporations have one CEO. Countries have one president, states have one governor, and towns have one mayor. Tribes have one chief. Even in nature, when two pack animals try to be in charge, there’s conflict, often resulting in a fight to the death. The natural order of animals and social structures is such that they function best with one individual in charge. When two try to have the same authority, conflicts erupt.
In 1 Corinthians 11:3 and in the creation story in Genesis, we learn that God created man to be in charge of his family. A result of Adam’s and Eve’s sin was that Eve would desire to control her husband. Like the pain associated with corporate takeovers and the destruction of one country taking over another, conflict and pain ensue when we try to be in charge of the family.
Do you struggle with trying to control your husband? Why or why not? How has this issue manifested itself in your marriage?
3. Some women worry that putting their husbands in charge of their families is risky because they do not trust them to do a good job. They may feel that this somehow diminishes them or makes them the equivalent of an irrelevant maid in their own home. God’s plan for the organization of family does not mean either. Still other women don’t trust God enough to try his plan. What do you feel is your biggest struggle or fear with putting your husband in charge of your home?
4. Some women fear their husbands would take advantage of them or treat them badly if they put their men officially in charge of their families. Knowing that God holds husbands to a higher standard because of this leadership position, what is the worst thing that could possibly happen to you if you allowed your husband to have the final say if the two of you disagreed about something and a decision had to be made?
5. What do you sense God could do to take care of that situation if it occurred?
Experience indicates that this issue is critical to alleviating marital stress. Many women who grew up in the feminist movement say they have spent years fighting for respect, but they could have received the love and intimacy they deeply desired by giving away respect to their husbands.
Your dare today is to pray wholeheartedly that God shows you how this concept of allowing your husband to be CEO of your family impacts your marriage. Ask him to help you be teachable and pray that you learn. Ask him to give you an understanding of the concept in a way that allows you and your husband to be united in spirit.