But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
—Hebrews 3:13 NIV
ACCORDING TO THE AMERICAN ACADEMY OF MATRIMONIAL Lawyers, pornography damages many marriages, and some statistics suggest it is involved in two out of three divorces in the United States each year. Even pastors are having a difficult time avoiding the lure, with 37 percent of them reporting it to be a constant struggle. Men comprise 75 percent of those who report sexual addictions.1 Dealing with the ramifications of pornography can feel very similar to an affair. Couples need to work on forgiveness, accountability, and continual growth to overcome this issue.
The two women sat over coffee in Nancy’s kitchen. After much discussion about their work and children, Nancy inquired of her friend, “Sarah, how are you really doing?”
Sarah, who managed adult ministries at their church, smiled at her friend. “I can’t believe what Ron just told me. He says he wants to help me teach these parents about the risks that pornography poses to their children. He prayed for me before I gave the workshop last weekend,” Sarah said, tears leaking out the sides of her eyes.
Nancy stared at her for a moment, and then she remembered. Thirty years ago, Sarah had given her husband, Ron, an ultimatum—choose between pornography and her. He had chosen porn. They had not been intimate physically since then. For him to show up at her workshop and pray with her was nothing less than miraculous. What else would be in store for this couple? Nancy started to laugh.
“What’s so funny?” Sarah asked her.
“I was just thinking about the possibilities that might emerge if his heart is changing. You and I might need to go lingerie shopping one of these days, girlfriend!” Nancy replied.
“You’ve got to be kidding!” Sarah exclaimed.
“Not at all, baby, not at all! If God can create something new in your man, even after all these years, you need to go for it!” Nancy was delighted for her friend. What a devastating thing to go through—thirty years without sex with your husband. God had moved Ron. Nancy vowed to encourage her friend to move forward as well, whatever that meant, perhaps pursuing her husband physically, even after all these years. God could accomplish just about anything, and he was the only one who could truly change another person’s heart.
“Well, I suppose it’s not out of the question. We’ll have to see what happens!” Sarah told her.
BOTTOM LINE: God’s timing and our timing are often very different. When God makes a change in someone else’s life, be receptive to how that change can impact you.
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
1. What has significantly changed in you since you were a teenager or in your early twenties?
2. Are there things about your husband you are certain will never change? What are they?
3. Based on what you know of God’s character and how he wants us to live, how can failing to recognize changes made by people around us negatively impact their continued growth?
4. What response should we have to changes in others?
5. What sometimes prevents you from responding that way?
6. What small changes have you seen your husband make in the last thirty days? In the last ten years?
7. What have you done to acknowledge those changes? If nothing, what will you do and when?
Today’s dare is simple and, hopefully, easy. Prayerfully consider your husband as the man he has become. Ask God to show you what positive characteristics have developed in him over the last several years, and today, in writing, let him know what those characteristics are. Be specific, and support each one with a reason why it is important to you.