I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.
—Jeremiah 17:10 NIV
FOR THIS DARE, YOU WILL ASSESS YOUR CURRENT STATE using a tool that addresses various aspects of being a biblical wife. We want to clearly communicate that not all marriages are created to be the same. What works in one woman’s marriage may not work in another. Whether or not we are working moms may affect how our roles play out in our homes too. Thankfully, nowhere in the Bible does it say that women are the only ones capable of doing laundry! Some godly women manage their homes by encouraging everyone to pitch in on the work, others hire services to take care of housekeeping, and still others do all the work themselves. We do not pretend to know what works best in your marriage, nor do we prescribe a “one-size-fits-all” approach.
One woman may have a husband who really enjoys cooking dinner and, after a hard day at work, chooses to unwind by preparing a meal for his family. Another may be married to a husband who wants no part of that particular task. Do you see how taking that away from the first husband would be a negative, but a positive for the second? One woman may be driving her child to private school, another putting hers on the bus for public school, and still another spending the day homeschooling. Some do not even have children. You will see as you go through the assessment that there are generalized terms used, rather than specific ones, in an effort to deal with the different experiences that people have.
One thing you will learn from this book and from the many stories from Daughters of Sarah is that what works in one woman’s marriage may not work in yours. Remember that the stories told in these chapters are merely examples of how one or two women chose to apply the concept of respect and, oftentimes, that day’s scripture.
The following assessment addresses aspects of what the Bible encourages for us as wives. As God searches our hearts and examines our minds, may we, with hearts desiring to please him, search too.
Prayerfully, but quickly, consider each assessment question and check those that are opportunities for your own development. Then respond to the “So what about you?” questions that follow.
PERSONAL ASSESSMENT
DISCIPLE
• Do I spend consistent time in prayer?
• Do I read the Bible frequently?
• Do I daily make decisions based on what I think would please God?
• Is my heart filled with gratitude for all God has done for me?
• Do I live my life for God, or am I more concerned about what other people think?
• Am I more concerned with being holy or being happy?
HOUSEHOLD MANAGER
• Are things “under control” at home (laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc.)?
• Is our home a relaxing and comfortable place for my family?
• Am I able to do what God calls me to do in my home without excessive stress related to its appearance?
• Am I comfortable when people come by unannounced?
• Am I well organized in my time management, and do I comfortably and effectively handle multiple responsibilities?
COMMUNICATOR
• Am I concise in my communication, or do I ramble and go off on tangents?
• Am I considered a good listener?
• Do I speak the “language of respect” to my husband unconditionally?
• Does my husband confide in me?
• Do I handle disagreements well and yet get my point across without upsetting others?
• Am I critical or sarcastic when speaking to my husband?
• Do I ever criticize my husband in public?
• Do I often get emotional or judgmental when my husband opens up to me?
• Do I regularly point out things others do well?
• Do others perceive me as a positive person or a complainer?
CONFIDENT AND ASSURED WOMAN
• Am I considered a confident person?
• Do people perceive me as arrogant or aggressive, timid or fearful?
• Do I feel courageous enough to do what God wants me to do?
• Do I have a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline, or do I have a spirit of fear and timidity?
• Do I worry about what the future will bring?
• Do I know God’s purposes for my life and trust that he will help me succeed?
• Am I confident in initiating intimacy?
• Do I feel a need to manipulate others, or am I confident?
• Do I handle life’s challenges and problems gracefully?
• Does my husband have confidence in me?
SO WHAT ABOUT YOU?
1. How did you feel doing the evaluation?
2. Where do you think those feelings came from?
3. Can those feelings be trusted? Why or why not?
4. What are the two aspects from above that you feel most led to improve upon at this time? Why?
5. What would happen if you were able to grow significantly in those two aspects during the next forty days?
6. What would that mean for your relationships with God and your husband?
Pray that God helps you see your way through to the growth he desires. Ask his help in making changes in your life. Ask God to equip you and grow you in the area of respectful communication with your husband.