Anna was glad she’d been able to secure a window seat. It was a while since she’d been on a long-haul flight. They had stopped going abroad once she’d started treatment. Now she had a sense of anticipation, of excitement, she hadn’t felt in years.
Vincent hadn’t brought her to the airport. He’d wanted to but Anna wouldn’t let him. She insisted she didn’t want to do the big farewell scene, she wanted to think of him there in the house. So they made love in the morning, and he cooked her breakfast and they sat out on the deck overlooking the trees and the ocean. And when the taxi beeped out front, Anna hesitated, just for a moment. She told him she would never forget what he had done for her. He kissed her goodbye and made her promise to write. That was the whole idea, she reminded him.
She was among the first to board the plane, so she watched the other passengers filing in, settling themselves in for the long flight with books, portable CD players, laptop computers. Anna scrutinised their faces, trying to imagine their stories. Were they going on business; was it a trip they’d saved up for a long time; were they visiting family; were they leaving Australia forever, moving to another country? They would all be sharing this plane, this space, breathing the same air for the next twenty-four hours or so. They all shared the same initial destination, but the possibilities of where they would each end up were endless.
Finally the seat beside her was taken by a man wearing a blue shirt and light trousers. Anna didn’t get a good look at him – she turned away discreetly once she realised he was about to sit next to her. She stared out the window as he sat down and made himself comfortable.
‘Look at that sky,’ he said after a while.
Anna turned and smiled politely. He was a pleasant-looking man, around her own age.
‘Take a good look,’ he said. ‘It’s completely different on the other side of the world. The light, even the colour.’
She nodded slowly. ‘I’d forgotten about that.’
‘Not your first time overseas then?’
‘No, but it’s been a while.’
He looked sheepish. ‘I want to assure you I’m not one of those people who’ll talk your ear off the whole flight. But I’m also not one of those people who can sit next to someone for twenty-six hours and not even introduce myself.’
Anna smiled. ‘That seems reasonable.’
‘Joe Lichaa,’ he said, offering his hand. ‘That’s with two a’s.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘Lichaa has two a’s at the end. No one expects the second a.’
‘I guess they wouldn’t.’ She shook his hand. ‘Well, Joe Lichaa with two a’s, I’m Anna, Anna Gilchrist.’
‘So, what does Anna Gilchrist do when she’s not flying off across the world in a plane?’
She glanced out of the window again, to the wide blue expanse of a perfect sky, before turning back to look at him. ‘That’s a good question.’
Georgie dashed through the glass doors and came to a dead stop, overcome by the magnitude of the domestic terminal. She had no idea where to go. Last time she was here, she’d just followed Liam around. And before that, well, it had been ages since she’d been on a plane. Nick had dropped her out front, he was going to park the car and bring Nicholas in. They both had their mobile phones in case they lost each other. Georgie felt lost already. She spotted a bank of screens and rushed over, scanning through lines and columns of numbers and text. She had to filter out a lot of flotsam to get the information she needed, made worse by the fact she was in a rush, and still worse because it was all in twenty-four hour time, which confused her at the best of times. They’d flown Virgin to visit his family but there weren’t any flights at 1600. Shit! There was one at 1545 and one again at 1615. She supposed Liam had had no reason to be absolutely precise when he’d mentioned the time of his flight. He couldn’t have known she’d change her mind a couple of hours later and race out to the airport to try to stop him, like some kind of crazy person. Except Georgie didn’t feel crazy. She felt like this was the sanest thing she’d done in a very long time. Nick was right. Liam wasn’t perfect; he was flawed and complex, and wonderful and loving at the same time, and Georgie knew, as she had always known, that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
Now she had to find him and tell him that.
One flight was leaving from Gate 34 and the other from Gate 32. Georgie went to run off until she realised that she didn’t know which departed from which gate and it would make more sense to check the earlier flight first. The 1545 was departing from Gate 34 and the 1615 from Gate 32. Which way were the frigging gates? Georgie looked around frantically and saw the huge sign above the security checkpoint. ALL GATE LOUNGES. Thank you. She dashed over and had to wait impatiently behind a queue of people, who all seemed to have special requests, queries, issues, metal objects. Georgie realised she didn’t have to be waiting in this queue, she wasn’t even carrying a purse. She pushed past the people, slowing down as she went through the metal detector so as not to arouse suspicion – the last thing she needed was airport security detaining her right now. Another sign above told her Gates 31 to 40 were straight ahead. She leaped down the escalators and skittered up the concourse, dodging people, luggage, trolleys, prams.
‘This is the last and final call for passengers travelling on Virgin flight DJ 840 to Melbourne this afternoon. Please make your way to Gate 34 immediately.’
Georgie saw Gate 32 on her left as she sped past, heading for the moving walkway. And then she sped right past Gate 34 as well. Bugger. She jumped off at the end and ran back to Gate 34. There were two men waiting to hand their boarding passes to the attendant, neither of them Liam. Georgie’s heart was hammering behind her ribs as she rushed up to the counter.
‘Excuse me, can you tell me if a Liam, um, William MacMullen is–’
‘I’m sorry, we’re not allowed to give out passenger information.’
‘But can’t you just say yes or no?’
‘I’m sorry.’ The young man looked genuinely regretful. Much good it did Georgie.
‘Then is it possible to get a message to someone who might be on board?’ she said breathlessly.
‘Might be?’
‘Well, I don’t know for sure, I only know he’s flying to Melbourne at four but there are no actual flights right on four so I had to assume it would be the flight closest to four and . . .’
The attendant was regarding her curiously.
‘So can I get a message on board?’
‘Not usually, unless it’s an emergency.’
‘This is an emergency!’ she blurted.
‘What kind of emergency?’
Georgie’s mouth dropped open, but nothing came out.
The other attendant who had been collecting boarding passes came over behind the counter. ‘Fully boarded,’ she announced.
‘Sorry,’ said the first attendant. ‘They’ll be landing in Melbourne in less than an hour, you could phone Tullamarine and have the person paged. Or you could wait and call his mobile.’
Georgie didn’t really take in anything he was saying. But she nodded, smiled lamely and walked away, stopping at the vast glass window to look at the plane still parked alongside Gate 34. Maybe Liam would glance out his window and see her there, maybe he would recognise her from this distance. Then at least he’d know she’d tried.
‘Georgie?’
She swung around. Nick was walking towards her, holding Nicholas tummy down, lengthways along his forearm, gently patting his back. Only men held babies like that. Liam often held Nicholas like that.
‘Nick, how did you find me?’
‘I checked the departure board and worked it out. No flight at four, eh?’
She shook her head sadly. ‘The three forty-five had already boarded. I don’t know whether he’s on it or not, they’re not allowed to give out that information.’
‘So we’ll wait for the quarter past. At least it hasn’t started boarding yet. We can’t miss him.’
‘Unless we already have.’
Nicholas began to squirm and make a grunting noise. ‘Come on,’ said Nick, ‘let’s find a seat, I think he might want feeding.’
They walked back to the lounge at Gate 32 and found two seats together. Once Georgie had settled Nicholas on the breast, Nick stood up. He seemed restless.
‘I’ll just go have a look around,’ he said. He walked back to the concourse, peering up either way before turning around to survey the whole lounge area. Georgie gazed down at Nicholas and stroked his soft little head. She had a sinking feeling she’d missed his father already. And she couldn’t help thinking it was fate. She’d had her chance back at the flat this morning to stop him from leaving, and that’s when she should have done it. She couldn’t call him once he got to Melbourne. What would she say? She didn’t want to tell him over the phone that she realised she loved him . . . it wasn’t even that, she’d always loved him. She’d just been too afraid, too caught up with an idea of how things should have been instead of seeing things for how they were. Too afraid to follow the path to where it might lead her.
‘Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, passengers travelling to Melbourne on Virgin flight DJ842 at four-fifteen this afternoon are advised this flight has now commenced boarding.’
Nick wandered back, scanning the queue forming to board the plane. He sat back down next to Georgie.
‘Well, we can’t miss him now. If he’s getting on that plane, we’ll see him.’
Georgie nodded faintly. They both automatically stared up at the television screen. Cricket. Liam liked cricket. She wondered if they’d screen it on the plane.
The queue started to thin and people wandered up in dribs and drabs. A few who had been sitting in the lounge the whole time finally got to their feet and strolled calmly over to the attendant. Frequent flyers, waiting till after the cattle call so they could walk straight onto the plane and take their seats. Feeling smug no doubt.
‘Further boarding call for passengers flying to Melbourne this afternoon on Virgin flight DJ842 at four-fifteen, please make your way to Gate 32.’
There was no one else joining the queue. There was no queue left to join. Georgie felt an uncomfortable cramping sensation in her chest. The same as when Liam had left this morning. And now she had to go through it all again.
‘This is the final boarding call for passengers travelling to Melbourne on Virgin flight DJ842 at four-fifteen. Your aircraft is fully boarded, please proceed immediately to Gate 32.’
‘They must be waiting on somebody,’ said Nick, standing up. He walked back to the concourse and looked towards the escalators. But Georgie knew it wouldn’t be Liam. He’d never be late.
‘Paging a Mr Graeme Digby and a Mr Les Byrne. Your aircraft is fully boarded awaiting immediate departure. Please proceed to Gate 32.’
Georgie saw Nick’s shoulders drop. He wandered back over to her as a man bolted down the concourse and across to the attendant.
‘Wonder if that was Digby or Byrne?’ Nick mused.
Georgie didn’t say anything.
‘Do you want to try Qantas?’
She shook her head sadly. ‘It’s too late.’ The words stuck in her throat.
‘It was a long shot, Georgie. But if he was on the first flight, he’ll have touched down in Melbourne by the time we get home. You can call him then.’
She shrugged. ‘I just wanted him to know that I tried to stop him.’
‘You can tell him when you talk to him.’
‘It won’t be the same.’
‘I know.’
She put Nicholas over her shoulder and stood up.
‘Do you want me to take him?’
‘No, I’m right.’ Georgie held Nicholas close as they walked slowly back through the terminal. She’d never felt Liam’s absence so strongly.
They drove back mostly in silence, with the radio down low. Georgie didn’t really feel like talking and Nick sensed it. After a while she looked over at Nicholas in the back. He was fast asleep; poor little man, being dragged from pillar to post all afternoon with barely a peep out of him. Georgie turned around again.
‘Is he asleep?’
‘Mm.’
‘You know,’ said Nick, ‘I’ve been thinking lately.’
‘That’s dangerous.’
He looked sideways at her. ‘I’ve been thinking we should have a proper Christmas this year.’
Georgie frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You know what I mean. Like regular people. The girls are getting older, and now we have Nicholas as well. I think we should stop mourning the past and start celebrating what we have together.’
She thought about it. ‘Maybe you’re right.’
‘I’ll talk to Zan, see what she thinks.’
They fell silent again until they crossed the Spit Bridge and headed up the hill on the other side.
‘Do you want to come back to our place?’
Georgie shook her head. ‘I think I’d rather go home.’
He glanced over at her. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I’m sure.’
Ten minutes later Nick turned into Georgie’s street and parked out front of her block. He jumped from the car to help her. Nicholas was sleeping, so rather than disturb him, he lifted the capsule out carefully and passed it to Georgie.
‘Thanks Nick,’ she said. ‘For everything.’
He considered her, frowning. ‘Are you sure you’re going to be all right?’
She smiled bravely. ‘Of course.’ She picked up her backpack from the front seat and hooked it over her shoulder.
‘Do you want a hand? I’ll walk you up.’
‘I’m fine, Nick,’ she insisted.
‘Okay.’ He gave her a hug. ‘Bye, Georgie girl.’
She watched him drive away and strolled slowly up to the entrance to her flat. The foyer was cool when she stepped inside out of the sun. She looked down at Nicholas, sleeping peacefully, cocooned in the soft liner of his capsule. He felt a lot heavier than last time she’d carried him like this. Or perhaps she was just tired. She trudged wearily up the carpeted stairs, relieved to get to the last flight. But as she looked up ahead, Georgie froze.
Liam was sitting on the floor of the landing with his back against the door to her flat, watching her. He didn’t move. Georgie slowly stepped up once, and again, and once more, till their faces were at about the same level. She felt as if all the blood had drained down to her feet and she was barely breathing.
He was the first to speak. ‘I couldn’t leave. I went to the airport and checked my luggage and waited in the lounge. But when they called my flight, I couldn’t get on the plane.’ He was staring straight into her eyes, unblinking. ‘Anna told me once that I didn’t cope well when I couldn’t solve a problem, that I tended to walk away from it instead. Well, I can’t walk away from you and Nicholas. I’ll never be able to walk away.’
Georgie climbed the last few steps and reached her hand out to him. Liam took hold of it, getting to his feet.
‘That’s good enough for me,’ she said.