Reader Questions and Book Club Guide

Courage Habit book clubs are a great way to work with the material with other like-minded people in your area or to bring the ideas of the Courage Habit into your workplace. To find a group near you, head to https://www.yourcourageouslife.com/courage-habit to find information about others in your area who are using this work. The following questions can help to direct discussion.

Introduction

  1. What did you relate to in Kate’s Story of how she had been living in a certain way for years, pushing her fears about change away and not even realizing it? How do you tend to handle fear or self-doubt when it comes up for you? Do you tend to push it away, reason past it, or tell it to go away while you push through?
  2. Kate shares that no one is “fearless” and that we can’t just brush fear to the side. Do you agree or disagree? Why?
  3. Habits comprise a cue (such as feeling fear), a routine (a response to that cue), and a reward (some kind of relaxation that comes from going into known and familiar routines). What are some scenarios that cue fear for you?
  4. Do you dislike the word “fear”? Do you prefer to call it something else, such as self-doubt, anxiety, nervousness, or a lack of confidence? If so, why? How does calling it something different change the experience of it?

Chapter 1

  1. After completing your own “Liberated Day” exercise and identifying your Primary Focus, share the Primary Focus with your reading group. Notice if you feel any fear about sharing or self-doubt about making the necessary changes to bring that most courageous self into your life. Share what you notice.
  2. As you listen to others share their “Liberated Day” or Primary Focus, what are some of the ways that the value of courage shows up in each person’s responses, even when the things that we each desire are very different?
  3. Do you find yourself worrying that your “Liberated Day” or Primary Focus isn’t realistic or possible? Why? Consider sharing these worries and seeing if others in your group can name specific people they know or public or historical examples of people who have done the things you’d like to do. Those examples are your proof that it is possible.
  4. Research indicates that goals that benefit others are both more satisfying to pursue and more likely to succeed. What’s your reason for your Primary Focus? If you step into living from your most courageous self, how will that positively impact the world?

Chapter 2

  1. Yasmine and Eliana, both profiled in Chapter 2, had experiences of fear that happened in unexpected ways. Because the fear was showing up differently than they’d expected, they didn’t always realize in the moment that they were stuck in their fear. Share about a time when you had a similar experience and only in hindsight could see that you had been stuck in fear.
  2. After completing the “Clarifying Your Fears” exercise, share your top three fears with the group. Notice who else has your same fears.
  3. Everyone exhibits a few qualities from all the fear routines described in this chapter, but usually there’s one fear routine that someone predominantly defaults to more than the others. Which fear routine is your predominant routine? Do you also recognize yourself in parts of other fear routines?

Chapter 3

  1. Give the rest of your group some context for your past experiences with any kind of body-based work. Do you find accessing the body to be easy, difficult, or something in between? How did you feel about the idea of doing some body-based work prior to this chapter?
  2. Try accessing the body with other members of your book club group. I suggest that you first set a timer for one minute and intentionally laugh with your group, then set the timer for another minute and intentionally dance with the group, and then set the timer for three minutes and just quietly breathe together. When you’re finished share what you noticed.
  3. Are there any strong emotions that you don’t want to encounter? What’s the worry about feeling them? Share this with your group and then ask other members of your group to share about how they got unstuck from difficult emotional spaces.

Chapter 4

  1. Everyone has a Critic, and everyone’s Critic sounds different. After completing the exercises in Chapter 4, share with your group what your Critic sounds like. Everyone in the group can prepare to offer silent but real support in the form of eye contact and holding up what we call in our trainings “the love sign” (the sign language for “love”). To make it with your hand, extend your thumb, index finger, and pinkie finger, while folding down your middle and ring fingers. Then, hold your hand out in this way, with the palm facing out. It’s a silent and supportive way to let someone know that you are listening when he or she shares something vulnerable.
  2. Would you say you are someone who avoids, pleases, or attacks your Inner Critic voices?
  3. Kate shares that when her coach, Matthew, suggested she think of her Critic as her “best friend with lousy communication skills,” she was repulsed because she was convinced the Critic couldn’t have any good intentions. As she thought about it more, she started to see how in its own dysfunctional way the Critic was trying to criticize her away from taking risks that could result in failures. Consider the Critic voices you shared. Can you see where your Critic might be talking a big game, while really being deeply insecure?
  4. Pick one of your Critic’s statements and then role-play as your Critic while another member of your circle offers “Re-do, Please” a few times. Share what you notice. As you’re doing this, the person who is offering “Re-do, Please” should refrain from giving advice or coaching and just let the person role-playing as the Critic to notice what she experiences. If you’re role-playing as your Critic, remember to take a breath after you finish and to reconnect with the group to mentally exit from the role-play experience.

Chapter 5

  1. In Chapter 5, Kate shares about how she didn’t think she was capable of completing a triathlon because she “just wasn’t an athlete.” The voice that came up didn’t sound critical, but rather it was more matter-of-fact. Is there anything you’ve ever been interested in doing but assumed that you “just weren’t that type of person”? What about your assumptions about “courageous people”? Do you assume that there are some people who are just naturally more courageous and others who aren’t?
  2. Carolyn had Stories that were influenced by her fear routine (Saboteur). What’s your fear routine? What Stories or assumptions tend to go with that routine?
  3. After completing the “Identifying Your Stories” and “Common Stories of Limitation” sections of this chapter, share some of your Stories with the group. I suggest that everyone gather in a circle to share what their Stories are without commentary from the group until everyone has shared. You’ll likely see that you have at least a few Stories in common. It’s a powerful experience to see how everyone is alike when it comes to making assumptions about how the world works. Are there any Stories of limitation that everyone seems to have in common?
  4. Reframing Stories isn’t the same as using positive affirmations. Are you a fan of positive affirmations? Why or why not? Share with the group.
  5. While you’ll come up with your own ideas for reframing your Stories, it can also be interesting to see what a group of people helping you brainstorm can come up with. Have each person in the group share a one-sentence Story, then have the group offer potential reframes. The listener should take care to take away what she feels is helpful and leave the rest. In other words, try not to take it personally if the reframes suggested don’t feel like a fit. This group practice can be a great way of identifying any Stories you might have about support in your life (or lack thereof). Do you fully receive or do you dismiss people’s suggestions for reframes?

Chapter 6

  1. When Kate ran her first course, she was critical of herself and afraid of how others might judge her because participants didn’t engage in the way that she’d expected. Kate’s friend McCabe gave her an entirely different perspective that allowed Kate to see how fear had been operating without conscious awareness. Kate then realized that reaching out and creating community is important to help us recognize fear routines at work. What or who are the support systems and people in your life that are also engaged in this work?
  2. Kate shares the qualities that are practiced in courage-based relationships. Consider the people you interact with most. Do you practice some or all of these qualities? If not, why not? What’s the feeling of limitation in that relationship? Share how you have been practicing the behaviors that show up in courage-based relationships. For example, maybe you’ve always noticed that one person listens deeply or offers empathy when another person struggles by saying, “Me, too.”
  3. In the “Your Stories About Connection” section, Kate shares many of the common reasons people give for not forming closer relationships. Which of these do you relate to? Have you had any relationships in which you resisted getting closer due to any of these reasons, and then you took the risk and it turned out well?
  4. Kate included the section “Difficult Relationships” in this chapter because so many of her clients have shared longings to be more courageous, but they fear that their desires wouldn’t be met with support or would be laughed at or criticized. How have you handled comments about how you’ve changed, criticisms, or judgments from other people? When you read the list of “hiding out” behaviors, which ones are you most likely to default to? Share this with your group. If you are so inclined, you might also ask others in the group to be “accountability partners” around those “hiding out” behaviors. Check in with each other every so often to stay accountable around practicing courage-based behaviors, rather than “hiding out” behaviors.
  5. In the “Creating the Ripple Effect” section, examples are given of people who have used the Courage Habit steps not just in their own lives but in their marriages, as parents, or in their jobs. What are the other domains of your life in which these courageous habits would be useful? What are some action steps you can take to start practicing the Courage Habit in those areas?

Chapter 7

  1. It’s common for people to want to arrive at a finishing point with personal work and never encounter the same doubt or fears again. Kate suggests seeing your work as part of a process that is ongoing, and trusting the process. Where is it easier for you to trust the process of change? Where does it tend to be harder?
  2. As a group, choose three to five different reflection questions that you can each share with the entire group. Highlight at least one way that you have shifted, changed, or grown, even if you feel like there’s more to be done. After each individual share, the rest of the group can offer validation, encouragement, and celebration, because every single shift is a worthy one!
  3. One of the most difficult aspects of doing group work is figuring out how to handle ending the group and deciding how it will shift and grow from there. What do the group members want to do to keep the good work flowing? After all, you can always choose a new Primary Focus and begin the work of the Courage Habit anew. Is there some kind of accountability or check-in system you’d like to set up? Even if you don’t continue with regular book club meetings, consider finding some way, even if it’s just an occasional email, to say hello to one another and reconnect.

Kate Swoboda, aka “Kate Courageous,” is creator of YourCourageousLife.com, and director of the Courageous Living Coach Certification program. She has been deemed one of the top fifty bloggers in health, fitness, and happiness by Greatist.com. Swoboda has contributed to Entrepreneur, Dr. Oz’s The Good Life, Forbes, USA Today, The Intelligent Optimist, Lifetime Moms, MindBodyGreen, Business Insider, and more, and has spoken about creating better habits and the principles of The Courage Habit to groups both large and small. Learn more at www.yourcourageouslife.com and www.tribeclcc.com

Foreword writer Bari Tessler is a financial therapist and mentor coach. She has guided thousands of people to new, empowered, and refreshingly honest relationships with money through her nurturing, body-centered approach. Tessler is currently leading a global conscious money movement via the year-long program The Art of Money, which she founded in 2001, weaving together money teachings for individuals, couples, and entrepreneurs. She is author of The Art of Money.