Chapter Twenty-Four

AARON—

She was gone by the time I got home.

She did what I asked and she was…gone. It should have been a relief, but all I felt was emptiness. Walking into the quiet house, no sounds of her laughter or of Delilah’s who was staying the night at my parents’, was a sickening reminder of what had happened. In one day, my life had been turned upside down, leaving me broken.

I went upstairs and entered her room. It looked exactly how it had before she had moved in. Empty. Peeking into her bathroom, I saw none of her things were scattered across the vanity as they had been that morning. Brushes and hair ties, perfume, and makeup were all gone; just the faint smell of her shampoo lingered. Walking back into the room, I eyed the closet. It was empty except for a Saks Fifth Avenue garment bag and shoe box directly next to it. I knew before even looking what it was, but I felt the pull to make sure. As I reached the closet, the zipper to the bag was slightly down on top, revealing the stunning cobalt-blue color of the dress she’d worn.

I sat down on the edge of the bed and lowered my head into my hands, feeling the tide of overwhelming emotions trying to drown me. Anger, hurt, sadness. The moment I would focus on one, another would flood in and replace it, all the while the same question circling through each of them.

How the hell had this happened?

How had she said she loved me, just that morning, and now she was gone? Lies. It was always lies. The path I traveled with Lexie, the lies she had interwoven into our lives, should’ve made me more aware of someone who would do it again. All it did was make me into a fucking fool. My head had screamed at me that getting into a relationship with her was a bad idea, but my heart screamed back louder. I’d lost the battle before it had even begun. I fought and fought, but at my weakest, my lips touched hers and I knew.

She was the one.

And now she’s gone.

I was hollow.

I would deny it and try to force it away, but touching her, kissing her, making love to her only made things clearer. She was what was missing. The thing that always felt out of reach with Lexie, the ache at the core of my loneliness even after we divorced was extinguished with Callie. She soothed the pain and filled the emptiness. I felt whole and it blinded me. Now, there wasn’t a hint of joy left in me. All that was left was a huge, gaping hole in my heart, a heart so damaged I didn’t even know how I was breathing.

I couldn’t sit in this room and look at everything that was gone. I’d have to get rid of the bed. Maybe all the furniture. If I had to start fresh, I needed it all gone.

I’d have to ask my mom for help with Delilah while I was working. Shit. Here I go again. All over again. Single parenting and depending on others to help me. This was why I wanted to have a nanny, someone to live with me and take care of Delilah while I wasn’t around. Someone I could count on and trust with my daughter. Callie was all those things, but it had gotten all messed up. Now, there was no way I could have someone new in the house to help me. Not only would I not confuse Delilah like that, but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t look at another woman, a nanny or otherwise, in this house without being painfully reminded Callie was missing from it.

With my body and mind numb, I stood from the bed and turned to leave the room, but as I passed her dresser, I noticed the box sitting there. Just like with the dress, I didn’t need to open it to know what was in there, but again, I felt compelled to. I walked over and ran my fingers over the top of the small box, feeling the smooth velvet and remembering how I felt giving it to her. Excitement, nervousness, but ultimately, I felt certain. Callie was my future, just as I’d told her once the earrings were on her. I was filled with such naive belief we were on the right road, I never could’ve foreseen where we ended up. Now, all that was left of my future with her were the gifts I had given her, left behind, in an empty room.

I put the box in my pocket and went downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to put something together for dinner. As I stood in front of the refrigerator, I quickly realized I didn’t want to eat. I wouldn’t be able to stomach any food if just looking at it was making my stomach churn. I slammed the refrigerator door shut and reached into the cabinet next to it to grab a bottle of Johnnie Walker and a glass.

I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to sit in my own damn house and remember her in every single inch of it.

I didn’t want to feel a fucking thing.

*  *  *

“Did you hear me? Wake up!”

I slowly opened my heavy eyes and was immediately sorry I did. The sunshine coming through the windows burned my eyes, and my head felt like daggers were being shot through it. My eyes tried to focus as I noticed Abel standing above me, but everything was a blur. My hands tried to push my body off from the living room floor, but I couldn’t.

“Look at you,” he said. I could barely make out the disapproval in both his tone and eyes. “Passed out on the floor of your living room with an empty bottle of whiskey.”

“What do you want Abel?” I questioned. My speech came out distressed and loud.

He shoved my shoulder hard. “You’re still fucking drunk. Unbelievable.”

“So what? What the hell do you care?”

“Actually, I don’t care. In fact, you can drink yourself into oblivion if it makes you feel better, but something tells me that it won’t.”

I struggled to sit up, my body aching from the position I passed out in. I climbed onto the couch and sat my tired body down. “Whatever. Get out of here.”

“I will, but not until you hear what I have to say.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure you have a lot to fucking say. You have all the answers, don’t you?”

“Let’s get something clear,” he said, bending over to look me in the eye. “You can drop the attitude. I want you to sit there, listen to what I have to say, and keep your damn mouth shut for once.”

I rolled my eyes at him and sat back against the couch, letting him say whatever he had come over to say.

“I have no idea how you could’ve thrown her out like that nor do I have any idea what the fuck you said to make her so hysterical, to the point she’s practically catatonic right now. What I do know is she had to pack all her shit in fucking garbage bags because she had no boxes or anything besides one suitcase. I also know this high-and-mighty bullshit of yours has got to stop, and I’m here to tell you, if you let her get away, you deserve every bit of what’s coming to you.”

I couldn’t have interrupted him if I wanted to because I was so stunned by his words and accusations. I let it all sink in, and with every word I replayed in my head, every emotion I was able to process, a fiery rage erupted from deep inside of me.

One moment I was sitting there, the next I was pushing him away from me so forcefully he fell to the ground. I wanted to hit him, hurt him, not only because of what he said, but because he was the only thing near me at the moment that I could make hurt just as badly as I was. Instead I picked up the empty Johnnie Walker bottle and threw it against the wall, and shattering the picture frame it hit, shards of glass flying everywhere in a shower of destruction.

“Where do you get off?” I screamed. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

He got to his feet and charged toward me, getting up in my face. “I know exactly what I’m talking about, and I think you know it. Where the hell do you get off being self-righteous?” he shouted.

“Get out of my house,” I said. I was trying to stay as calm as possible because reeling in my anger was the only way I wasn’t going to bash his face in.

I turned from him and started to walk away, but he grabbed my shoulders, stopping me. “You know I’m right. You judged her and didn’t even give her a chance to explain.”

“She lied to me. For months…,” I shouted, but he cut me off.

“So what? Yes, she lied about talking to me about shit, but is that such an unforgivable thing? This is what I mean about you being self-righteous, thinking you’re so fucking perfect, wanting everyone around you to be the same. You don’t want to hold any responsibility in what happened.”

“Responsibility? She’s the one who kept secrets.”

“Aaron,” he said, taking a deep breath and trying to get control of his own anger. “She’s not Lexie.”

“I know that and Lexie has nothing to do with it. In fact…”

“She’s not Lexie, she didn’t intentionally betray you,” he repeated. “You knew before you married Lexie it wasn’t right, that things didn’t feel right. You told me Callie healed you and you never felt so complete with someone. She loves you, Aaron, and you love her. Don’t throw it all away.”

His tone was more even, controlled, than before and it sent a chill through me. “She lied to me.”

“Yeah, you keep saying that, but didn’t you keep some stuff from her, too?” he asked.

“Like what?” I asked.

“You were checking her out from day one. You wanted in her pants as soon as you saw her. And even more so, you haven’t told her shit about Lexie and the damage she caused you.”

“Of course, I was attracted to her, but I didn’t hire her so she’d be around for me to fool around with. Plus, I didn’t want to bring anything with Lexie into what Callie and I had.”

“But that’s lying! Keeping something that huge was information she needed to know.”

“I know or I knew. I was going to, but then it was too late. I was in love with her and didn’t want anything to fuck it up.”

“Well, Aaron, way to make it all about you.”

“It’s not only about me and you know it. If things were moving too fast, she should have said. Instead, she went crying to you about it, and now I have to tell my daughter she’s gone. Delilah is going to be devastated. I’m not responsible for that.”

“Has she ever, ever, been anything but amazing with Delilah? From the moment she got here, she was loving and attentive toward her. I never heard her raise her voice or anything. She didn’t hurt you or Delilah on purpose. She was scared. That was it. You talking babies and marriage pushed her too hard, and I’m sorry, you should’ve known better.”

It was like Callie’s words were being repeated all over again. I didn’t think there was any way I could feel worse than I already did, but Abel was proving me wrong. The one person I thought I could count on always was the same one throwing everything back in my face.

“Whose side are you on?” I asked softly.

He breathed in deeply and was silent for a moment. “I’ve always got your back, Aaron. I always have and I always will, which is why I have to point out when you’re fucking up. Callie’s destroyed. Can you imagine how it felt to be kicked out? Completely discarded like you never gave a shit? And before you say anything, I know you’re angry about her confiding in me with stuff behind your back, but you making her leave without saying good-bye to Delilah was the worst thing I’ve ever seen you do.”

My stomach turned, the mixture of alcohol and the sickness of Abel’s words. “I can’t be lied to again. I’ve been down that road, and all it got me was divorced and feeling worthless.”

“What aren’t you hearing? She isn’t Lexie, and if you don’t get it through your head that every woman isn’t, then you’ll be alone the rest of your life. You keep talking about lies and deception? What were you doing going through her text messages?”

“She left her phone,” I yelled. “I was going to bring it to her wherever she was with Evelyn, but instead I saw your message to her, and well, I scrolled through some other messages. You know how the rest of it went.”

“Yeah, with you jumping to conclusions. Did you ever stop to think what you might have done to our relationship by throwing accusations around like that?” he asked angrily. “How could you possibly think I’d ever do something like screw around with the girl you’re with? Do you have any idea how insane and hurtful that is?”

“I know you wouldn’t, but in that moment it seemed—”

He held up his hand to stop me. “I’ve never fucking lied to you. Ever. How you could jump to a conclusion like you did, I’ll never know. And you can say whatever the hell you want, but you invaded her privacy. So what if she didn’t have her phone? You knew she’d be home soon, or when she realized she didn’t have it. I think you were snooping around, and you found exactly what you were looking for. A reason not to trust her because you’d been waiting and watching for it.”

“I’ve had enough! Stop!” I shouted, pushing my palms into my eyes in angry frustration. “You think I wanted this? Do you think I’m not torn up inside because she’s gone? She was it for me. There has been nothing, fucking nothing, except for Delilah in my life for years, and Callie walks in and changes my life. So, don’t try and pretend you know better than me because you don’t.”

I moved myself onto the couch and threw my hands across my face. Pain, from my head, my heart, fucking breathing, caused me to gradually fall apart. I was so angry and the only person around I could take it out on was standing in front of me.

What the hell did Abel know? He didn’t know how deep it ran for me with her. How when she smiled, a heat warmed across my chest. How when I saw her with my daughter, who I thought would be her daughter one day, a peace I hadn’t felt since the day Delilah was born came over me. How I could barely acknowledge the idea she wouldn’t be in my life any longer. He didn’t know.

I didn’t even know anymore.

Why didn’t she just tell me? If it isn’t want she wanted—if I wasn’t what she wanted—why didn’t she say so?

It was then it hit me. Maybe it was me she didn’t want.

The weight of those words crushed me as I forcefully rubbed my eyes to stop the burning tears from emerging. Abel moved next to me and rested his hand on my back, an attempt to remind me I wasn’t alone.

We sat like that for I don’t even know how long. His hand never left my back, and I knew it was his attempt to make peace.

“Take a shower, sober up, and go pick up your daughter,” he said. “And if you want to talk, call me.”

“Yeah, okay.”

He got up and left, and I didn’t even watch. I knew I was alone again.

After an hour-long shower and an almost full pot of coffee, I left the house to go pick up Delilah from my parents’. The entire ride there I went over and over in my mind what I was going to say. By the time I walked through the front door, I didn’t know if I could do it. All I wanted to do was come clean with my parents, to unload the truth, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t hear “I told you so.”

“Hey there,” I said, entering the kitchen.

“Daddy,” Delilah said, running to me.

I swept her up in my arms, squeezing her tight and brushing my hand over her soft curls. I’d had no idea when I dropped her off the day before all that would’ve transpired. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat and put her down when I noticed my parents looking at me oddly.

“Hey, sweetie. Why don’t you go get your things before we go, okay?” I said.

“Okay.”

I waited until she ran out of the kitchen before facing my parents. Just like I always knew when Delilah wasn’t feeling well, my own parents knew when something was wrong with me.

“You look exhausted,” Mom said. She set a plate of cookies on the table and sat down next to my dad.

“Long night,” I said.

“Where’s Callie?” she asked.

I closed my eyes and silently reminded myself that the faster I said it, the faster it would be over. Then I could leave. My eyes opened, and I lied.

“Callie’s mom fell down her basement stairs. She banged herself up pretty good, so Callie flew out to California to be there.”

“Oh my goodness,” Mom said. “How is she? Did she break anything?”

“I don’t know a lot of details, but there were some broken bones. She’ll be okay, but Callie is going to stay out there awhile to look after her.”

“How long?” Dad asked. “What about her school? Didn’t the semester just start?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ll find out more later, but Delilah doesn’t know yet and I don’t want to tell her until later.”

“Of course. And it goes without saying, I’m happy to look after her until Callie gets back,” Mom said, standing back up. She stepped over to the counter and picked up a pad of paper and pen. “I want to send flowers. Do you have her mom’s address?”

I shook my head. “I’ll get it to you, but it’s not necessary.”

“Well, we know it’s not necessary, but we want to,” she said.

I rubbed my hand across my forehead, trying to massage away a headache. “Yeah. Okay. I need to get going.”

I started to head out of the kitchen, but Dad stood and stopped me. “This must be a lot to take in. You okay?”

Concern was written all over his face, along with Mom’s who came up behind him. Having to lie about the situation to them was bad enough, but knowing that they were probably seeing right through it was more than I could take.

I’d tell them the truth. I’d tell them tomorrow or maybe the day after that.

“Yeah. I’m okay,” I said.

*  *  *

Ice cream. Ice cream would soften the blow for Delilah. So, that’s where I took her.

“Baby girl?” I said, as we sat at Scoops.

She looked up from her sundae, chocolate smearing the sides of her lips. “Hmm?”

“When we get home, Callie isn’t going to be there,” I explained, a large lump in my throat making it difficult for me to talk. “Her mommy fell and she had to go help her feel better.”

“Where is her mommy?”

“A place far away from here.”

She scooped a large bite of ice cream into her mouth. “When I was sick, Callie gave me ginger ale,” she mumbled. “Did she give her mommy ginger ale to make her better?”

“I don’t know, sweetie.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“Can we go to the pet store after this?”

I breathed in deeply, briefly relieved she wasn’t asking more questions. I knew, in the days that followed, there would be many more. “Sure.”

“Daddy?”

“Yes, baby girl?”

“Is Callie going to come home soon?”

For the first time all day, I didn’t have to lie to anyone, most importantly my daughter. “I don’t know.”