I realized that, when I was removed from my daily overstimulated and fast-paced life, I could continue to recover from my brain injury.
FOR THE FIRST FOUR YEARS I had post-concussion syndrome, I suffered from daily migraines, cloudiness, vertigo, fatigue, depression, and issues with memory and retention. Over time, I learned to identify my triggers and, with the help of a few incredible doctors, developed ways to manage my physical symptoms. More recently, an amazing traumatic brain injury (TBI) community I found through the organization LoveYourBrain has provided me with the emotional support I craved. Today, eight years after my college lacrosse injury, my symptoms no longer present themselves on a daily basis, and I work hard to control them.
The first two years with my injury, I couldn’t drive, be in direct sunlight, or look at a computer or television without inducing symptoms, but it was my inability to exercise that I obsessed over. I held on to the hope that I might wake up one morning and feel like my old self again, and my progress was always tracked against my past sense of balance as a full-time athlete. As time passed, I forgot what that old balance even felt like and, eventually, began to carve out ways to feel comfortable in my new body.
The first shift came during the Adirondack Semester in college: for three months, I lived with eleven other students, no running water, and limited electricity in a secluded yurt village. I realized that, when I was removed from my daily overstimulated and fast-paced life, I could continue to recover from my brain injury.
When I signed up for the National Outdoor Leadership School (NOLS) in Wyoming a few years later, my sole intention was to test this theory. Up to that point, I did not have energy to spare for exercise, and I was hyper-aware that should the course prove too much, my migraines would most likely force me to be evacuated from the Wind River Range. This was terrifying.
But it was time for me to take ownership of my injury.
The last day of my NOLS course was the proudest day of my life. I made it through all four weeks on the course without a single migraine, and I left the strongest and fullest self I had been for more than six years. I know my body and mind better than anyone. The NOLS course reminded me to trust in that knowledge.
But most importantly, I was reminded of what it meant to be in control of my own life. That my brain does do better when I spend more time outdoors and less time behind a screen. When I decide to take the time to step back, reflect, and reassess, my body responds positively. I am a stronger person because of my injury, not just in spite of it.
CAITLIN WARD
