Riley pulled up outside her father’s house, shaking her head at the overgrown hedges lining the three-bedroom property on the outskirts of the city centre. He always used to take pride in his home, not wanting the neighbours to think he couldn’t look after his family or house. He liked to say that a tidy home was a tidy family. God knows what the neighbours would think now.
She got out of her truck, and after taking a deep breath, walked up the pathway. Using her key, she opened the front door. The stench of stale cigarettes hit the back of her throat and she coughed harshly.
“Dad? You here?” she called as she shut the door behind her and hung up her leather jacket on the coat hook just inside the door.
“In the living room,” he called back.
She kicked the pile of unopened mail to the side and found him reclining in his armchair, a bottle of rum in his hands. “Jesus, it stinks in here.” She went to the windows, intent on opening them and clearing out some of the pungent air.
“Don’t open the curtains.”
She turned and looked at her father. He had weeks of beard growth and his skin was tinged yellow. “When was the last time you had a wash?”
“Does it matter?” he asked wearily, shoving a grimy hand through his thinning hair.
“Well, you look like shit,” she said unnecessarily.
“Thanks.”
He had yet to look at her, just staring at the local news on the television.
“What’s up?” she asked. “You’re more sullen than usual.”
He was quiet for a while, then glanced at her. His eyes were bloodshot, and Riley was shocked at how ill he looked. She hadn’t seen him for a few weeks, and the last time she had, he hadn’t looked this bad. He hadn’t been able to maintain his job at a local factory due to his drinking and had spent the last seven months on government handouts. The three-bedroom house had been paid off years before, but Riley wondered how much longer he could keep his head above water.
Her father took a breath, then let it out slowly. “I’ve been passing blood in my urine. The doctor said I have kidney and liver failure. Unless I give up drinking, they’re not prepared to offer treatment.”
She wasn’t surprised. Twenty years of constant abuse to your body would eventually make it fall apart. She cleared a pile of dirty clothes off the sofa and sat, grimacing when something sticky soaked through her jeans. Fighting the urge to shift in her seat, so as not to offend her dad, she asked, “When did you find out?”
“About two months ago.”
“And you never told me?” She was shocked how her father could keep this from her. They might not be close but surely she deserved to know?
“What’s the point?” His gaze went back to the television. “You’d only want me to quit drinking, and let’s be honest, I ain’t gonna do that.”
She briefly closed her eyes, shaking her head. “I’ve given up trying to help you.”
“Good. We both know I can’t change. How’s the garage?” he asked, surprising her. He rarely ever enquired after her.
“It’s good, profits are up.”
“Good.” He took a sip of his rum and ran his dirty hand through his unkempt hair again. He glanced at her. “I don’t say it often, but I am proud of you, Riley.”
“Thanks, Dad, I know.” He had never told her that before, but she had always known. He was stuck in his own personal hell; however, every now and then, a spark of her old dad peeked through. She missed him.
“I’m sorry about everything you went through growing up. I just couldn’t stop drinking.”
“I know it hurt when Mum left, but I was still here, Dad. We could have got through it together.”
“She was the love of my life. Until you love someone like I loved her, completely, wholeheartedly, you wouldn’t understand the devastation I felt when she walked out.”
“Can you blame her?”
He shook his head. “No, I guess not.”
“I don’t get how you could cheat on her when you say you loved her so much.”
“It’s complicated.”
“You always say that.”
“That’s because it’s true.”
They never spoke of when her mother left. She supposed his death sentence had loosened his tongue. Maybe it was the rum. “How long have the doctors given you?”
“A few months if I’m lucky. If I keep drinking the way I am now, probably sooner.”
She tried to muster any feelings about his dying, but after all these years of him putting the bottle first, she just couldn’t. “I hope you find some peace, Dad. No matter what has happened in the past, I love you and I’ll miss you.”
“No, you won’t.”
He was right, she probably wouldn’t. He was still her dad, but she had mourned the loss of her father years ago when he’d stopped acting like one.
She set about cleaning up the house, the same way she did every time she came over. He had no intention of doing it, so she really shouldn’t care, but she just didn’t have it in her to leave him living in squalor. He was her dad, after all, and even if he didn’t care, she did. They didn’t speak while she worked, and she was fine with that. They had run out of things to say years ago.
Three days later she found herself sitting at Kelsey’s kitchen table at ten o’clock at night. She had tried to forget about her father’s news, but it wouldn’t go away. She needed to tell someone and, of course, it was Kelsey whom she needed.
“So, he only has a few months left?”
“Yeah. He could go on dialysis and try for a liver transplant, but he’s not prepared to stop drinking. I suppose they feel he doesn’t deserve new organs if he’s just going to ruin them as well.”
“Makes sense. How are you doing with it all?”
“Trying not to think about it. I’ve been working longer hours, to take my mind off it, but it’s always in the back of my head. I know Mum leaving him hurt, but he was the one who cheated. I don’t understand why it made him pick up the bottle.”
“Do you think there is more to the story? Something else happened to make him an alcoholic?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’ve been trying to think back, but I was ten when she left. All the memories I have before then are happy ones. I can’t remember ever seeing them argue or anything. Perhaps he did love her so much he got depressed when she left. I just don’t know, and he won’t tell me.”
“Will you try and speak to him about it?”
“What’s the point?” She shrugged and shook her head. “He’s determined to die now and me knowing the truth isn’t going to solve anything.”
“Maybe not, but it would put your mind at rest.” Kelsey entwined their fingers, giving them a squeeze. “Look, I’ve known you for years and I know what happened when she left is going to bother you for the rest of your life unless you find out what occurred back then between them.”
“Just forget it, Kelsey. I’m not going to let the past hold me back from my future. If I dwell on this I’ll end up like him, and that is the last thing I want. Spending my life grieving over situations I can’t change.”
They looked up when Jennifer walked into the kitchen. She was wearing those damn boy shorts and tank top again, and no matter how despondent Riley felt over her dad, seeing Jennifer stood in the shadows of the night got her blood pumping.
“Sorry. I heard voices,” Jennifer said as she came fully into the kitchen.
Jennifer must have been listening, because she usually looked at Riley like she was a pain in the ass. The compassion in her eyes now, threw Riley off her game. After the other night, when Riley came on to Jennifer while drunk, she’d assumed Jennifer would never speak to her again. She needed to apologise for that.
“Everything okay?” Jennifer asked.
“Yep. Everything is great.” Riley stood, intent on leaving. She couldn’t take Jennifer’s sympathy; she didn’t know how to handle it. She needed to get out of there before she broke down in tears. She’d stopped crying over her father years ago and she wasn’t about to start now. “It’s late, I’m going to head home.”
“You can stay here if you want,” Kelsey said.
“That’s okay, I need to leave early for work and that’ll be easier if I don’t have two beautiful women distracting me over breakfast.” She winked at Jennifer, trying to get back on her normal footing. Flirting was the way to go, and she was pleased when Jennifer raised her gaze to the heavens.