“I’m sorry I can’t come today.” Kelsey said.
Riley transferred her mobile to her other ear so she should could pull on her dress shoes with her dominant hand. Today was her father’s funeral and she was not looking forward to it. She wished Kelsey could be there with her, but she was still in the hospital being monitored. Tomorrow she would have the operation to fit the balloon into her heart valve to keep it working until the baby was born. There was no way on earth the hospital would allow her to leave now, even for a funeral.
“It’s fine. It won’t be a very long service. He had no one in his life, so I don’t foresee many people turning up.” She had placed an obituary in the local paper and had phoned a few of his colleagues at the factory where he used to work. As her dad’s drinking got worse he had alienated a lot of his friends, so she really didn’t expect anyone to turn up. He had no brothers or sisters and his parents had died a long time ago. Her throat closed up at the realisation she had no family left. She was alone, except for Kelsey. The thought of anything happening to her friend terrified her, so she pushed it aside.
“Still, I really want to go with you.”
“You’re in no fit state to be going anywhere. Your blood pressure is still high, and they need to keep an eye on you.” Riley looked at herself in the full-length mirror in the bathroom. She looked good. She had rented a black suit for the occasion. It wasn’t tailor-made, but her fit, trim body filled it out nicely. She smoothed her hand over her short hair, taming the wild strands, and nodded at her reflection. She was ready.
“Will you come by and see me afterwards?” Kelsey asked.
“I don’t think I’ll be in the mood, but I will call you and I’ll be by to see you tomorrow before your operation.”
“Make sure you do. I need you here.” The nervousness in her voice wasn’t hard to miss, and Riley cursed her dad for dying right when Kelsey needed her the most. She wanted, needed, to be there for her, but all her focus today was on saying goodbye to her father; she didn’t have the emotional strength to be there for Kelsey too, and her gut burned with how impotent she felt. With everything she had gone through in her life, she thought she was a strong person. Turns out she wasn’t as solid as she’d believed. She was walking a fine line between breaking down completely and barely being able to breathe. Anything else and she would be sent over the edge. She feared she might not ever get back up again if that happened.
“Always.” The sound of her doorbell rang through her small house. “I gotta go, there is someone at the door.” She left the bathroom and headed down the stairs to answer the door.
“That’ll be Jen.”
Riley sighed. “How is it you can still meddle from a hospital bed?” She pulled open the door and couldn’t help but look Jennifer up and down, appreciating how damn sexy she looked in her black dress that stopped mid-thigh. It was just long enough to be considered appropriate, and Riley drank in the sight of her. Even amid a hellish day, Jennifer still had the power to turn her on.
“Hi, come in.” She stood back and allowed Jennifer to walk past. Riley caught a hint of lemons as she did so, and inhaled deeply.
“It’s one of my many talents,” Kelsey said. “Good luck today.”
“Thanks. Love you.”
“I love you too.”
Riley disconnected the call and slid the phone in to her trouser pocket. She watched, guarded, as Jennifer scanned around her small living room, situated just off the hallway.
“Nice place you have here,” Jennifer said as her gaze landed on Riley. She looked Riley up and down, much the same way she had done to her a moment ago, and a spark ignited in her gut as Jennifer blushed. She was being checked out. That was nothing new, but having Jennifer do it made her blood burn. Riley had lusted after Jennifer for years. She could always control her reactions to her, but having Jennifer openly appraise her made her head spin.
“It’s not much, but it works for me. I spend most of my time at work anyway.” It was only a one-bedroom home, the upstairs housing her bedroom, bathroom, and storage closet. Downstairs had the kitchen, lounge, and another storage room. It wasn’t a tiny place, but it was big enough for Riley. She didn’t see the point in spending money on a home she was hardly ever in.
“And at ours.”
“Well, that is where all the pretty ladies live.” She smirked.
“Always the charmer,” Jennifer said with a flirty smile.
Riley turned serious. “Why are you here, Jenny?”
“I know today is going to be hard for you, so I will let you get away with calling me that for now, but after today? Be warned.”
“I’ll make a note of it. I assume, as you’re wearing black, you’re coming with me to the funeral?”
“Kelsey mentioned it was today, so I offered to go with you.” She shrugged, like it was no big deal.
To Riley, it was everything. “You offered? Kelsey didn’t ask you?”
“You may find this hard to believe, God knows it makes no sense to me, but I do like you, Riley.” She smiled. “No matter how much you annoy me, I do care about you. And today is going to be hard for you, and I want to be there for you.”
“I’m pretty sure that is the longest sentence you’ve ever said to me without the threat of violence. I’m growing on you.”
“Don’t look so pleased with yourself. It’s taken seventeen years to get to this point.”
Riley took a few steps closer, crowding in on her personal space, forcing Jennifer to look up into her eyes. She was pushing the limits, she knew this, but Jennifer had never looked so open before, or so friendly. Riley just had to see if the interest she saw in Jennifer at the garage was still there, or just a one-time thing. “How many years do you think it will be until you let me take you on a date?”
Jennifer’s breathing came out in ragged gasps. Riley was getting to her. She was struggling to keep her cool, but Riley could tell from the look in her eyes that she was getting under Jennifer’s skin. “Depends on when hell freezes over” was the retort..
Riley leaned into her, nearly pressing against her body. Jennifer’s pulse fluttered hard in her neck. “According to Google, it’s already getting chilly in the underworld, so I expect it won’t be too long.”
“You should know never to trust the Internet.”
The doorbell rang again, breaking the tension between them. “The car I rented is here,” Riley said as she reluctantly stepped away from Jennifer’s warmth. They were heading toward something, she could feel it. She just hoped Jennifer was willing to go there with her.
“Are you ready?” Jennifer asked. Her skin was still flushed, but she had regained her composure.
“Nope.”
Jennifer smiled softly at her, then took her hand. The comfort she provided felt like heaven to Riley, Jennifer’s hand fitting perfectly in hers.
†
Riley stood at the entrance to the crematorium located a few miles out of town, shaking hands with other mourners as they left. The service didn’t take long. Riley gave a reading from the Bible and the priest said a few words and that was that. His coffin went down to be cremated to the sounds of Motörhead, her father’s favourite band. It was simple, and it was sad, a metaphor for his life. Jennifer had sat beside her through it all, still holding her hand, and Riley was grateful for her presence. She would have got through it on her own, but glad she didn’t have to.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” the priest said as he shook her hand.
“Thank you.”
“His ashes will be ready to be collected in a few days. A representative will call you.”
“Thanks again.”
Jennifer walked up to her, a guarded look on her face. Riley had known her long enough now to recognise she wanted to say something but was biting her tongue.
“So, what now?” Jennifer asked, shifting from foot to foot.
“His ex-colleagues are having a wake at their favourite pub. I suppose we could go to that.” Riley looked around the car park at the few remaining people milling about in the afternoon sun, swapping stories about her father. The thought of having to listen to them extoll his life turned her stomach. No one knew him like she did. They only saw the man they wanted him to see. They didn’t know how he cried every night for two months straight when her mum left. Or that no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop drinking. And how he had gradually distanced himself from her over the years. She supposed that was because he knew he wasn’t her biological father and he didn’t know how to cope with knowing she wasn’t. His edging out of her life slowly but surely made sense now. She felt slighted. He might not have been her biological father, but he was still her dad. He’d still raised her from a baby. She shook her head. No point in dwelling on the past.
“What do you want to do?” Jennifer asked.
“I want to grab a couple of cold beers somewhere and say goodbye to him in private, without everyone watching me.”
“Let’s do that, then.”
“You don’t have to come with me.” Jennifer had already done so much for her, and Riley didn’t want to take up more of her time, especially knowing she would likely want to get back to the hospital.
“I’ll ask again, what do you want?”
She was being selfish, she knew, but she didn’t want to do this alone. Aside from Kelsey there was no one else she would rather be with than Jennifer. Looking deep into her eyes, she said, “I want to grab a couple of cold beers and go somewhere private, with you.”
“Okay, come on.” Jennifer took her hand again, and again Riley’s heart filled with emotions she didn’t want to name. Having a crush was one thing, falling in love was something else entirely.
Half hour later they were sitting side by side on a grassy slope overlooking a lake. The weather had turned cooler, but still being late spring, it didn’t require sweaters.
“It’s really peaceful here,” Jennifer said.
Riley gazed out over the lake, watching birds swoop down trying to catch their supper. “Dad used to bring me here when I was a kid. We would spend hours fishing. Mum always got mad when we were late getting home, but I think she was secretly pleased we got on so well.” She shook her head. “They knew all that time he wasn’t my father and they never told me.”
“Does it matter? What I mean is, he was your dad. He might not have been your biological father, but he raised you. You were still his kid.”
“Yeah.” It was hard to stay mad at him. He tried his best, after her mum left, to raise her right. She always harboured a slight hatred for him, knowing he cheated on her mother and couldn’t understand why her mother had left her with him. But she had, and Riley knew deep down he loved her. He might not have shown it in the best ways sometimes, but he tried. She couldn’t fault him for that. Although distance sprang up between them, he still did his best. She supposed sometimes inner demons were too strong; he obviously couldn’t fight his off.
“Did you have any luck finding her?”
“My mum? No. I’ve trawled through the Internet, Facebook and stuff, but I can’t find a trace of her. She could be dead for all I know. I’ve thought about hiring a private investigator, but that costs money I don’t have.” The business was doing well, but she couldn’t afford to spend money she needed to keep the place running. And doling out on a PI just to answer questions from her past seemed stupid. Her dad was dead; best to let sleeping dogs lie, as they say.
“Well, if you need any help, just let me know.”
“Thanks.” She slapped her hands on her knees and stood from the ground, brushing the grass from her backside. “Right, I’m ready.” She helped Jennifer to her feet and together they walked to the water’s edge. Closing her eyes, she sent a silent prayer up for her father, wishing him peace. Without looking at Jennifer, she said, “Thank you for being here with me.”
“Not a problem, and you know what? I haven’t wanted to kill you all day. Perhaps you were right about hell getting cooler, getting ready for the freeze.”
A kernel of hope sprang forth in Riley’s chest. “Are you saying you’d consider going on a date with me?”
“I’d consider it—no guarantees, mind you.”
That was good enough for Riley, for now.
They headed back to Riley’s home, neither one speaking. She was glad for the silence. She was too worn out for idle chit-chat and they said all the important stuff at the lake. Jennifer was warming to her: that was all she needed to know. Riley pulled up outside, then slammed the brakes when she saw a familiar-looking woman sitting on her front step.
“Oh my God.”
“What is it? What’s the matter?”
Disbelief flooded her. Riley bunched her hands into tight fists, the lethargy from moments ago replaced with a rage she tried hard to contain. Why today of all days was she here? Glaring out the window, she said through gritted teeth, “That’s my mother.”