The following Monday Riley received a text from Jennifer letting her know she would take Emily home that day. In the six days since Riley saw her last, Riley had kept her promise to herself, keeping her distance. They had had a few sparse conversations about the baby and Jennifer’s meeting with her solicitor, but that was it. The tension between them was palpable, even down the phone line, and it ripped through her every time. It was like they were strangers. Riley began to wonder if they would ever go back to how things were, before Kelsey died.
She put her mobile on the workbench and picked up an adjustable wrench. She had gone back to work the morning after Jennifer had visited and it felt good to be getting back to a routine. She would stop by the hospital on her way to the garage for a few minutes, just to get a peek at Emily, and every time she saw her, she felt a little more attached to her. She had never considered herself mother material, but looking into Emily’s eyes, she felt a bond forming that she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with.
A horn blast behind her startled her, and she turned to see her mother stepping out of her Mazda.
“Hey, Riley. I’ve been trying to contact you, but you’ve not been around.”
Riley leaned back on the workbench, dropping the wrench back onto it. “I’m sorry. I’ve just had a lot going on.”
“Is it to do with me?”
Her mother looked stricken, as if the thought of Riley changing her mind about getting to know her again caused her great pain. Which it probably did because that’s how Riley felt about not seeing Kelsey ever again. “No. I’m sorry if you thought that. I should have called.”
Angela took a few steps closer and gently touched her hand. “So, what’s happened? You look terrible.”
And that was the truth. Riley had lost weight in the two weeks since Kelsey’s death, and her normally glossy hair was lacklustre. The dark rings under her eyes and her sallow skin had aged her at least ten years. She wondered if she would ever look, and feel, normal again. Riley stared into the distance for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Eventually she looked back at her mother. If they were going to start building a relationship, telling her about Kelsey would be a good place to begin.
“Do you remember I mentioned my friend Kelsey?”
“The one having a baby?” At Riley’s nod, she added, “Yes.”
“She died a couple of weeks ago.” Just saying the words made her heart clench. Angela hugged her, and the familiar feel of her mother’s arms around her filled the void that had been in her life for the last seventeen years. She hugged her back, breathing deeply the smell of her perfume. It was the same as she remembered.
“Oh, sweetheart. What happened?”
They pulled apart and Riley filled her in on the circumstances of Kelsey’s death, dismayed to find herself crying. She avoided the subject of Jennifer and what they had done before they received the phone call which devastated them both.
Angela motioned to the office. “Let’s go sit down and have a cuppa.”
They headed into the room and Riley set about making them tea. They didn’t speak and that was fine with her. It gave her a chance to regroup, to stick her grief back in the box. If she thought about it too much, it would cripple her. She handed a mug to Angela, who was sitting on the small sofa.
“Why didn’t you call me?” Angela asked. “I would have been here for you.”
“I know, but I needed to be by myself. I haven’t spoken to anyone, not really.”
“What about her sister? Jennifer, isn’t it?”
So much for not mentioning her. She debated whether to tell her everything, but she had nothing to hide. And if she were honest with herself, talking about it with someone would be good. Replaying it in head all the time wasn’t solving anything. “We kind of haven’t been getting along.”
“How do you mean? I thought you were interested in each other?”
“We are.”
Angela raised her brows, waiting.
Taking a deep breath, she said, “The night Kelsey passed, Jennifer and I were together.”
“You mean…?”
“We slept together. Whilst we were still, you know, Jennifer got the call about Kelsey. We got to the hospital, but Kelsey was already having a C-section. Her baby was born and then Kelsey died. Jennifer said some things and I ran away. I thought she meant what she said, but we’ve cleared the air since then.” Or have we? They had apologised to each other, and the attraction was still there, but was she really over what Jennifer had said about their lovemaking?
“So, you’re back on track?”
“No. She doesn’t think it’s the right time. She’s bringing Emily home today and has a lot to deal with.”
“You could help her with that.”
“Yes, and I want to, but she doesn’t want me to.”
“And you’re just going to give up?” Her voice was incredulous. She shook her head. “Look, Riley, if you really do love her, and I can see that you do, then you should keep trying.”
“I don’t want to force her.”
“She’s right, she has a lot to deal with. Losing her sister and having a new baby. And I’m sure she could use a hand with all that. You can’t walk away from her; you need to fight for what you want. I walked away from you and it was the biggest mistake I ever made. Don’t do what I did, or you will regret it for the rest of your life.”
Her mother was right. If Riley stayed away from Jennifer she would hate herself for it. Maybe if she stopped by, Jennifer would believe how serious Riley was about them being a family. She would give Jennifer the day to collect Emily, and settle her in, and then she would go see her. “Thanks, Mum. You’re right.”
“Mothers always are.” Her mother stood and placed her empty mug on the desk. “Justin has been asking when he can meet you. What shall I tell him?”
“Give me a couple of weeks and we’ll arrange something. I’m looking forward to meeting him too.” And she was. She had hated being an only child; that’s why she and Kelsey always hung out. It was great having someone to play with. Riley hoped she could do that for her brother. She certainly knew of a few pranks he would love, and his parents would hate.
†
Riley stepped out of her truck a little after seven. The setting sun cast a warm glow over everything, and she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the evening air. After her mother had left, she had a new determination in her step. She would talk to Jennifer, tell her how she felt, and hopefully Jennifer would give them a chance to be together. She had already lost Kelsey, she didn’t want to lose her too.
She’d headed around the back of the house, intent on entering the back door, as was her norm, when she caught sight of Jennifer through the kitchen window. Her hair was pulled back off her face in a ponytail and her smile was wide and infectious. She looked beautiful. There was no doubt in Riley’s mind she would love this woman for the rest of her life.
As she took a step forward, movement from the other side of the kitchen caught her attention. Jennifer laughed at something and the reason was soon apparent. Mike walked into view, holding Emily, blowing raspberries on the baby’s cheek. Jennifer placed her hand on his back as she crowded in to do the same on her other cheek.
Riley took a step back and then another. Her chest ached, and she rubbed her ribs where her heart beat widely against them. She couldn’t make sense of what she was seeing. They all looked so happy, the perfect family.
She ran back to her truck, slamming the door, speeding off with no direction in mind. She had come here to tell Jennifer she was in love with her, but it didn’t matter anymore. Jennifer was with Mike. It made sense. He was Emily’s father, and he had history with Jennifer. It would only be practical if they tried to make a go of being a family. She had seen the glow in Jennifer’s cheeks, the warmth in her eyes, as she laughed with Mike.
She pulled into the nearest shop, bought a bottle of rum, and then headed home. She had been a fool, thinking anything would ever happen between her and Jennifer. All the crap Jennifer had said about not having time to date was obviously a ploy to let her down gently.
She sat on her sofa and unscrewed the cap off the bottle. Not bothering with a glass, she took a shot, wincing as the alcohol burned her throat. Like father, like daughter. She didn’t think she could hurt any more than she had when Kelsey died, but knowing that Jennifer was in Mike’s arms right at this moment crushed what little spirit she had left.