DANA PATTED WET sand into place. She was having a blast, and to heck with Craig. If he wanted to sulk, let him.
Somewhere along the way, the sand sculpting had been opened to parents, too. Some had joined in, while others formed an enthusiastic audience. If she turned her head ever so slightly, she’d be able to see Craig, standing at a distance from anyone else. Apparently crawling around in the sand was too undignified for him. The impression he gave was one of impatience. With a hint of sadness, she remembered a trip to Galveston Island in Texas, when the two of them, young and in love, had built a sandcastle. They’d stayed, hand in hand, to watch the tide turn and the castle wash away until only smooth sand remained.
He’d been so patient with her late in the pregnancy, when her feet and ankles swelled and she needed help getting up. And in the months after they brought Gabriel home, too. Craig had called at least once a day to be sure they were all right, brought takeout dinners a couple of evenings a week. He would sit for hours with Gabe asleep against his shoulder, his expression tender.
The man he’d been would have joined the dad team, which seemed to be trying to build a giant football helmet. Or he’d be going from group to group, like Nolan was, urging sunscreen on the boys, encouraging and helping and laughing.
Maybe the fault was hers, because she hadn’t suggested Nolan give Craig a role today. It hadn’t occurred to her yesterday evening during that first tense encounter.
Craig hadn’t liked her being there. She couldn’t tell him Christian had begged her to stay. It had been odd seeing him after so long, still handsome, still lean and athletic. Her first thought had been a startled He has Christian’s eyes. Which she knew, of course; the first time she saw Christian, she’d thought he had Craig’s eyes. Now...this man was a stranger. It didn’t feel as if it had been him she’d kissed, made love with, laughed and quarreled with.
If he had shown any hint of regret when he looked at her, she might have felt old guilt, for shutting him out in the depths of her grief. But all she saw was a cool assessment, followed by faint irritation.
Even the parents of Christian’s friends all knew now that she was his mother and that his father would be here for his birthday party. The ones who were watching instead of playing in the sand were probably sneaking peeks at him. Maybe self-consciousness was what gave him that aloof, snobby air.
Nolan crouched beside her and held out the tube of sunscreen. “You’re turning pink,” he said, sounding amused.
Dana sank back to her haunches, wiped her sandy hand on her shorts and accepted a white glob from him. As she started spreading it, he offered some to the three other women working on the octopus that reached one long, tentacled arm toward the water. All three accepted.
Then he dabbed some onto the tips of her ears. “Having fun?” he asked in a low voice.
“Yes.” She glanced toward the stegosaurus. “Is Christian, do you think?”
Nolan nodded. “This was a hit. You notice how many people have walked over from the inn to watch? Not to mention every customer at the store. Pictures are probably all over the internet already.”
“Too bad we have such a killjoy here,” she muttered.
Nolan followed her gaze. “He’s an idiot. If he’d joined in, he would have scored points with Christian.” He shrugged. “Do you suppose he’s as much fun at his daughters’ birthday parties?”
She laughed at his careless dismissal of her ex-husband. “Maybe their parties are appropriately dignified.”
He pushed his sunglasses up so she could see his eyes. “You mean their mom isn’t crawling around in the sand, ass waggling, getting sunburned and, hey, having fun?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Waggling my ass?”
His wicked grin sparked a whole lot of inappropriate ideas in her. The soft rumble of his voice in her ear didn’t help. “It may be just me noticing.”
She gave her hips a tiny wriggle, just to be mean. “What a shame the house will be filled with preteen boys tonight. How many is it? Ten?”
Nolan groaned. “You sure you don’t want to spend the night?”
“Not a chance. A, I wasn’t invited, and B, it’s a manly job. I’d kill the atmosphere.”
Ryan’s mother nudged her shoulder. Laughing, she said, “Quit flirting. You’re the mastermind. We need you.”
“Right. Moms rock.”
“Moms rock!” the other three chanted.
The nearest boys jeered as, laughing, Nolan beat a retreat.
Forty-five minutes later, all four women fell back when the piercing whistle blew.
“Time!” Nolan called. When everyone quit sculpting, he said, “This wasn’t a competition, so we should admire everyone else’s work.” He held up a phone. “I’ve taken pictures and will email them to everyone.” He half turned toward the other parents. “Anyone else who gets a good one, please do the same.”
“I think I’ve been turned on the spit a few too many times,” Dana said, feeling heat in her face.
“Me, too.” Jason’s mother, Ellen, touched her nose gingerly. “I swear I added suntan lotion every half an hour. How can I be burned?”
“I’m not,” Tomás Acero’s mother said smugly. “That’s what you get for being so pasty.”
Dana stuck out her tongue and giggled when she saw Ellen doing the same.
Above her, her son exclaimed, “Yours is awesome! Uncle Nolan, did you see Mom’s octopus?”
“Hey!” Juanita Acero complained. “There were four of us.”
Dana grinned at her. “But I’m the mastermind, remember?”
Laughing, Sylvia flicked sand at her. Dana bent sideways to avoid it.
And then she heard it again. Did you see Mom’s octopus?
Mom’s.
Me. He called me Mom in front of everyone. And she absolutely could not cry here and now.
* * *
NOLAN WATCHED DANA absorb the casual way Christian called her Mom. She met his eyes, stunned pleasure on her face.
And then she had the sense to scramble to her feet and say, “I want to see yours,” instead of making a big production out of the moment.
He took a look around, too, although he’d been able to watch all the sand creations from the get-go.
Christian’s stegosaurus had been a more ambitious project than the octopus, and the boys had accomplished miracles. The one actual castle was impressive, as was a sports car. And the football helmet—well, at least it had a recognizable Seahawks emblem on the side.
The nonparticipant parents now wandered, too, as did some of the inn guests and other strangers. There were catcalls, laughter. And satisfaction.
Finally, Nolan whistled again and said, “Let’s go back to the house for pizza and cake. Any of you parents who want to join us, feel free.”
He heard Christian saying, “At least there’s no tide to wash these away,” and hoped no older teens would feel compelled to destroy their creations. It wouldn’t shock him—but this was private property, the beach protected from sight by the building that housed Wind & Waves.
What would be, would be.
He saw Christian hesitating, obviously wondering what he should say to his father, and made a point of walking over to Craig Stewart. “You’re welcome to ride along with us. I can run you back later.”
The man nodded stiffly. “Thanks, but I think I’ll drive myself.”
“I’d suggest Christian ride with you, but the rental company might not appreciate all the sand.” The kid was coated in it.
Craig glanced at his son, his eyebrows rising above dark glasses a lot pricier than Nolan’s. “You have a point.”
O-kay. Nolan took that as permission to sling an arm around the birthday boy’s shoulders and steer him toward his old Suburban while Craig set off on the path that led to the inn parking lot.
“I think this was a winner,” he murmured, and had the gift of a dazzling grin in return.
“Yeah!”
Parents usually ditched their kids at these affairs, but at least half decided to come along. All eight adults who’d indulged in building a sand-something stayed. Most were sunburned, while the boys, who spent more time outside, looked okay. Only Ryan, the nonathlete of the bunch, was a dangerously bright pink despite Nolan’s best efforts.
Jason’s dad had volunteered to pick up the pizza. Nolan called and doubled the order. The boys who spent the night would want more later. Everyone stuffed their faces, sang a loud and unharmonious Happy Birthday, and scarfed down cake and ice cream, too.
Some of the parents left before the present-opening began. Nolan was very aware that Craig was standing right beside Dana. So close his shoulder must have been brushing hers. Nolan wouldn’t have admitted to anyone that he was annoyed. Did the guy plan to cut her from the herd so he could talk to her? Or did he envision the two of them sharing this touching moment?
Ashamed, Nolan had to admit he could understand that. They should be able to share an experience neither had likely believed would really happen.
Christian started ripping, the other boys huddled around, riveted. The scene didn’t look so different from elementary school and even preschool birthday parties.
No surprise, a lot of video games and a couple of movies, but a few of the presents were more creative. Ryan gave him what appeared to be wood pieces packed in a square but was apparently a puzzle that turned into a robot. The crowd clearly approved of a fiber-optic lamp and a universal charging station.
Christian had saved gifts from family for last. Dana had bought him a pair of top-quality binoculars, something he’d wanted so he could better watch performances out on the river. He let out a whoop that warmed Nolan’s heart. He seemed happy with the new sail Nolan gave him, also on his wish list. And finally...yep, there it was. A smartphone from Dad.
As excitement broke out, Dana’s rueful gaze met Nolan’s. A couple of the boys already had their own phones, but it was clear all of them wanted one. Christian hadn’t even reacted to the tag: To Gabriel, from Dad.
Craig smirked. Or that was the way Nolan chose to categorize his satisfied smile.
The remaining few parents mock-grumbled on their way out the door.
“More ammunition for Jason,” Ben said with a sigh.
Nolan clapped him on the back. “Not my fault.”
Dana wished him a pleasant evening with a smirk of her own and fled. Unfortunately, her ex-husband walked her out. Though it took some determination, Nolan didn’t let himself dwell. Instead, he closed the front door and went back to the boys.
* * *
THE PHONE SHOULD have been the best present ever, but after seeing the look on his father’s face, Christian had kind of shivered, too. Dad just wanted to be able to get to him without having to ask permission from Uncle Nolan. He’d been smug because his present was the best, too, which Christian resented.
He didn’t think he liked his father.
Instead of hanging out with friends or helping Uncle Nolan at Wind & Waves, he had to spend the next day with his father. Just his father, which freaked him out. Why couldn’t Mom come along? Or...well, he could see that Dad didn’t like Uncle Nolan and even sort of understood why. But Mom and he used to be married!
The good part was, his father rented a catamaran, so he and Christian went out on the river. Uncle Nolan didn’t want to take his money, but Christian’s father insisted.
“The day’s on me.” He locked stares with Uncle Nolan, who finally nodded.
Christian liked sailing, but his father wanted to do the important stuff, like he didn’t think a kid would know how.
“I keep my sailboat at a marina on Nantucket,” he said casually. “It’s a thirty-foot Catalina, meant for day sails.” He glanced around the Hobie. “A little fancier than this. We’ll go out in it when you’re with me. I’m thinking a couple weeks on Nantucket Island in August. What d’you say?”
“I don’t know.” But he did. He didn’t want to go, even though the sailing part might be fun.
“Well, I plan to talk to Mr. Gregor and your mother this evening. It’s time we quit playing games.”
His father did know what he was doing on a sailboat, that was obvious. Otherwise, he tried to get Christian to talk about himself, and when he wouldn’t, he talked. He did something important with money that Christian didn’t really get, but it sounded like he was rich. He promised to show Christian pictures of his house—“We have your bedroom all set up”—and his wife and daughters.
“Angela and Elizabeth go to a private school. I can’t imagine what kind of education you’ve been getting in a small town like this.” He kind of sneered when he said that.
He did have season tickets for both the New England Patriots and the Boston Bruins, the ice-hockey team. He claimed to have a private box at Gillette Stadium, where the Patriots played. Christian could hardly imagine what that would be like.
His dad didn’t like basketball or baseball but went to those games sometimes to “network.” Whatever that meant.
Christian was glad when they got back to Wind & Waves, furled the sail and helped pull the Hobie out of the water. When they went back up to the store, Uncle Nolan looked them over and asked if they’d had a good time.
He shrugged.
“Excellent!” his father said, slapping him on the back. “I told him about the Catalina I have at our place on Nantucket and what good times we’ll have sailing it.”
“Glad you have some experience,” Uncle Nolan said. “The Columbia has some wicked winds and currents.”
“Nothing like the nor’easters we have in New England.” He glanced at Christian. “Grab your duffel. We can clean up at the inn and have an early dinner.”
Christian nodded and went to the break room. Behind him, he heard the two men talking quietly, although he caught only a few words. Seven o’clock and attorney. Fear cramped in his chest. He knew who’d said attorney.
His father was leaving tomorrow. He’d made it sound like a big deal because he’d taken the two extra days off to make a long weekend. “Can’t do more than that,” he’d said, so all Christian had to do was get through dinner. Uncle Nolan said if he and Mom stood together, Christian would be able to stay in Lookout.
And he knew they would. So he didn’t have anything to worry about.
He took a deep breath and came back out. “I’m ready,” he told his dad.
* * *
“DO YOU HEAR ME?” Nolan said, looking hard at Christian.
“I have to stay in my bedroom, until you call me down to say goodbye to him,” Christian recited obediently, although his expression was anything but. “It’s not fair!” he burst out. “You’re talking about my life. Why can’t I be there?”
Nolan had never been so tempted to say, Because I said so. He hoped those words never crossed his lips.
“I understand how you feel,” he said instead, still making sure his tone had no give. “But we may say things we don’t want you to hear.”
“What things?” Christian asked, still sulky.
“Legal threats. This is not the kind of discussion any parent wants to have in front of their kid. Whether you like it or not, we three adults have to work something out. You’ve had your say. I’m guessing even your father knows you want to stay here. Now the three of us have to come to an understanding, or we’ll end up in court, where a judge can make decisions none of us like.”
The doorbell rang. Nolan raised his eyebrows. With a sound that might have been a sob, Christian whirled and thundered up the stairs. His bedroom door closed with a loud bang and Nolan winced.
It was Dana who’d arrived, but Craig Stewart’s rental car was turning into the dirt-and-gravel driveway, so they waited for him on the porch.
“Did he and Christian have a good day?” she asked, watching her ex-husband park.
“They got through it,” Nolan said tersely. “The idea of going sailing was a good one, except I think it was intended to one-up me. He made sure Christian knew he has a fancier boat, docked at his place on Nantucket.”
“Even a shack there must cost a fortune!”
“When they got back from dinner, Christian looked pretty closed up—” He nodded at the man striding up onto the porch. “Craig. Come on in.”
He brought coffee for all of them, and they sat in a semicircle in the living room, he and Dana at each end of the sofa, Craig in an easy chair facing them. The guy wore chinos, a polo shirt and dock shoes, no socks. The watch looked like it would simultaneously tell the time everywhere from London to Abu Dhabi or Pretoria as well as to the depths of the ocean.
“I hope you had a good day with Christian,” Dana said, breaking the ice.
Those eyebrows rose smoothly. “I might have if he knew how to talk.”
She smiled. “He did a lot of mumbling and shrugging with me at first. Once he gets to know you, he can talk your ear off.”
His cool gaze met hers. “But that won’t happen long-distance, will it?”
Nolan held his silence, letting her handle this for now.
“Craig, with us divorced, the best you could hope for is visitation, anyway.”
He leaned forward. “Are you so sure the courts wouldn’t award me custody? I can afford good private schools, he’d have a stepmother and he’d live with his sisters.”
“Why waste time negotiating when you can threaten?” Nolan observed.
Craig cast him a hostile look. “I don’t even know why you’re here. You have no legal standing.”
“Haven’t you heard that possession is nine-tenths of the law?”
The guy snorted. “If you’re not going to take this seriously—”
“Oh, I take it very seriously.” Nolan let him hear the army ranger. “Christian is, for all practical purposes, my son.” He held up a hand to silence the jackass. “He’s happy and established here. He grew up in this house.” Not entirely true, but close enough. “He loves me. If a judge were to ask where he wanted to live—and with a kid Christian’s age, that question will be asked—he’d say here. That carries a lot of weight.”
Craig shifted his attention to Dana. “You caved? You’re the woman who swore you’d never give up! You would bring your son home or die trying. And now you’re fine with tiptoeing around the edges of his life?”
Nolan’s temper simmered at the attack, but Dana only shook her head.
“What I’m fine with is giving Christian time to get to know me. To accept that I’m really his mother, that I love him. I’m fine with respecting his wishes. No matter what we wish, he’s not that baby anymore.”
He grunted.
Dana said, “If you go on this way, you’ll alienate him. Is that what you want? He’s too old for you to mold, Craig. He’s a strong individual already. That doesn’t mean it’s too late for you to become his father if you bring him slowly into your life and quit threatening his sense of security. I want a son who will someday choose to bring his wife and children home to me at Christmas. That wouldn’t happen if he was forced to live with me.”
“But this way, he’ll never live with you, will he?”
Nolan saw her tiny flinch but the guy hadn’t damaged her poise.
“I’ve been spending a lot of time with him.” She smiled. “He’s giving me swim lessons, Craig. You wouldn’t believe how sweet he is. I help him and Nolan one day a week at Wind & Waves. I was involved in planning his birthday party. He talks to me.” Her voice broke at the end. “I can’t have back everything I lost. But I found him! He calls me Mom now.” She lifted her chin. “If you try to take him from me, I’ll fight you tooth and nail.”
Nolan had seen shifting expressions on the guy’s face that suggested she was getting through to him. Now Craig said urgently, “We could share custody.”
Nolan tensed until he saw Dana shaking her head.
“Christian doesn’t remember being taken, but the trauma has to be there somewhere in his psyche. He does remember not being able to depend on his mentally ill ‘mother.’ With Nolan overseas, Christian lived much of the time with his grandparents. Do you know what it must have done to him when they were killed and Marlee was badly injured? Nolan gave up his career for Christian’s sake. Because of Nolan, Christian finally had stability...until that blood test, when he found out he isn’t who he thought he was. I think one more move would break him.”
Lines on Craig Stewart’s face deepened, making him seem more human. As if he might have it in him to be likable. After a minute, he rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “I get your point. But he’s our son, Dana! To find him and have to leave him where he is...” He shook his head.
Figuring his moment had come, Nolan reached across the cushion separating him from Dana and took her hand. “You need to know that I’m hoping the three of us will be a family.” He ignored her startled look. “That one of these days soon, Dana will be living here, too. If you don’t fight us, I guarantee we won’t stop you from seeing Christian. I think once he knows you’re not trying to yank him away, he’ll want to get to know you.” Time to lay out a lure. “He said you’d talked about a couple-week vacation later this summer, him joining your family.”
Craig didn’t move for a suspenseful minute.
Nolan looked at Dana again. “Is what he says right?”
Her fingers tightened on his. “Yes,” she said steadily.
“This isn’t some ploy to get rid of me?”
Her breath took a funny hitch, but she didn’t display any doubt. “Of course not.”
Craig swore, but not as if he meant it. “All right. I’ll let it lie for now. Let’s talk visitation.”
They negotiated. Nolan couldn’t help thinking that, whatever the result, Christian had reason to resent what they were doing here. This was his life laid on the table like so many poker chips, and he wasn’t allowed any say over what pile each chip went in. But Nolan also didn’t see any realistic way they could allow him that say, not now. As he got older, he could negotiate with his father. All of them would have to figure out how to work around summer jobs, girlfriends, sports. For now... Craig was his father, and Christian should find out what kind of man he was.
“You let us know what two weeks work for you in August. He doesn’t have any other set plans.”
“I’ll pay for his ticket if he flies out for Thanksgiving.”
“If we can have Christmas.”
Spring break. Next summer. Phone calls. They laid it all out, terms in a business contract. The experience was unpleasant...but Nolan consoled himself they were doing the best they could, for all of their sakes.
* * *
DANA MAINTAINED HER COMPOSURE, even walking Craig to the door, Nolan being tactful enough to stay behind in the living room.
“If you want to say goodbye to Christian...” she thought to say.
Craig shook his head. He opened the door but turned back to her. “You really love this guy?”
She tried to smile. “Yes.”
“Okay.” He smiled, but crookedly. “Despite everything, it’s been good to see you. I hope this works out, for your sake.” He nodded toward the living room.
“I’m trying to have faith,” she told him.
“You always were able to have more than I could.”
His quiet admission rattled her. “I know I was so obsessed—”
“Don’t even say it.” His voice was choked. “Let the past go, Dana.” He bent quickly, kissed her cheek and said, “I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other.” Then he walked quickly out to his car without looking back.
She closed the door, such a tangle inside she didn’t know what she felt. Happy—of course she was. But so much else, too. And...she desperately needed to be alone for a minute.
As she hurried toward the downstairs bathroom, Nolan rose from his seat on the sofa. “Dana?”
She flapped her hand toward the bathroom, hoping he’d assume her desperation had a different cause.
The moment she locked herself in, she closed the toilet seat and lid—men!—and sank down on it, curling forward and burying her face in her hands.
Christian is safe. Nothing could be more important.
Nolan—No, she wasn’t ready to think about what he’d said yet.
Craig had revealed himself to be the decent, even kind man she remembered after all. The grief in his eyes as they said goodbye... Why it hurt, Dana didn’t know. His frustration with her, impatience that became irritation, those memories had lingered until they overpowered everything that had come before. It was bittersweet to be able to acknowledge that they had failed each other, and they both knew it. I can let it go.
She drew a breath that filled her chest and was able to straighten, letting her hands fall to her lap.
Nolan. I’m hoping the three of us will be a family.
Had he really meant it? He’d implied as much, talking about a serious relationship, but she hadn’t quite let herself believe in it. She trusted him, but...she hadn’t dared in so long to be happy that she was having trouble reaching for it now.
She kept breathing until all the emotions untangled themselves and left... She wasn’t sure. Peace, maybe.
Had Nolan told Christian yet? Dana popped to her feet, suddenly eager.
She’d just let herself out of the bathroom when she heard Christian say, “I can stay here with you? Really?”
Nolan’s deeper voice. “Really.”
The earsplitting yell made her smile.
“Yes! Yes, yes, yes!”
Nolan laughed. “Glad to know you’re happy.”
“It was because of Dana, wasn’t it?”
“It was.”
Christian’s back was to her as she entered the living room. “You did it,” he exulted. “You said you’d get her on our side. You swore you’d fight as dirty as you had to, and you did.”
She felt as if she’d walked into her baby’s bedroom to find him gone all over again. There was that out-of-body moment. It can’t be. Frozen in place, she couldn’t decide if her heart was still beating. If she wanted it to beat.
Nolan was grinning. And Christian...
Dana. He’d said Dana, not Mom.
Oh, dear God. She took a step backward, and Nolan saw her.
Shock transformed his face. “Dana!”
She shook her head and backed up. Christian swung around, too, but she didn’t let herself see his expression. Instead, she turned and ran.
Kitchen. Purse. Front door. Nolan was there to block her, but when she struck at him, he lifted his hands and backed away.
Somehow, she made it into her car, got the key in the ignition and drove.