THEY ALL WENT out to dinner that night. Ironically, her parents chose the same restaurant where Nolan and Christian had taken Dana her first night in Lookout and insisted on picking up the tab despite Nolan’s good-natured protest.
“You’ve done plenty to make this a memorable visit,” Dad said. “This is a modest thanks.”
Given their early morning flight, the goodbyes were said in the parking lot outside the restaurant. Nolan politely shook hands before stepping away. Dana had the fleeting thought that he looked very alone as he waited for her and Christian. As, of course, he was. He had no one but Christian...and Christian had a big new family.
Her father threw an arm around her son and murmured something in his ear that had him ducking his head but smiling. Her mother squeezed Dana hard.
“I hope you know I said what I did because I love you.”
Vision blurring, Dana nodded. “I love you, too, Mom.”
As they drove away, Christian tipped his head. “Are you crying?”
She sniffed. “Yes.”
“How come? I mean, you didn’t live with them, anyway.”
No—or see them that often. “They’re farther away now,” she tried to explain. “I think—” I’m feeling again, after eleven years of numbness laid atop pain. Not something she wanted to say. “It’ll probably be Christmas before I see them again. That’s a long time.”
Nolan placed a hand on her back that warmed her through her thin cotton cardigan and camisole.
Christian got quiet, which she appreciated.
Before starting the engine, Nolan asked if she’d like to come home with them, but Dana shook her head. “I need to take a long, hot bubble bath and weep a little.” And try to get over being mad at her mother. “Thank God tomorrow is Sunday and I can sleep in,” she said with a sigh.
By Monday she’d be feeling a little ashamed because she was glad her parents were gone. The visit had been wonderful except for the new tension between her and her mother, but it had also been exhausting. And it had taken her away from Nolan.
Dana was annoyed to have let her mother’s suggestion throw her into turmoil. She knew how much Nolan wanted her, and he expressed his gentle awareness and concern for her so often, with touches and words.
Somehow, though, she hadn’t quite succeeded in prying the sharp hook of doubt from her heart.
Time, she told herself. Trust would build. Nolan was too honorable a man to create a huge lie to secure what he wanted.
As she was getting out in front of her house, Christian blurted from the backseat, “You can come to dinner tomorrow night, can’t you? She can, right, Uncle Nolan?”
“She can,” he said, amusement rich in his voice. “Whether she will...”
It was just the note she’d needed. Laughing, she said, “I can and will. Thank you. Shall I bring anything?”
“Nah, I think it’s time to let Christian impress you with his culinary skill.”
“Tacos,” her son said. “My tacos are really good.”
“One of my favorite foods.” Which was true. “Good night.”
The SUV stayed put at the curb until she unlocked her door, flipped on the light just inside and turned back to wave.
Of course, the minute she was alone, she wished she weren’t.
* * *
“YOU WERE RIGHT,” Dana said, smiling at her son across the dinner table. “Your tacos were wonderful.”
Grinning, his cowlick sticking up at the crown of his head, he looked young, a boy instead of a near teenager, Nolan thought, with some regret.
“I guess I should learn to cook something else now, huh?”
She laughed. “That’s a plan. By the time you’re living on your own, you’ll want to have a good, solid repertoire of at least seven meals. Repeating in the same week? Not so good.”
“I’ll eat out.”
“I’d like to think,” Nolan interjected, “that you’ll be eating dorm food for a few years.”
“I bet it’s gross.”
Only half listening, Nolan returned to a worry that stuck like a burr. Late in her parents’ visit, something had changed between Dana and her mother. He’d asked, and she had refused to talk about it, which made him think the quarrel had been about him.
And, damn, that made him feel edgy.
The climb had been good; he hadn’t gotten any odd vibes from Dana’s father. Up to and including goodbye hugs, her mother was all sweetness and light with him, but he didn’t trust it, or her.
He reminded himself of how much Dana had hidden from her parents over the years. They couldn’t be that close. How much would she let her mother’s opinion influence her?
He was being paranoid, Nolan decided. She wasn’t behaving any differently toward him than she had before her parents’ visit. Dana gave every appearance of being relaxed and happy. She and Christian were having a good time, that was all. She should be concentrating on him. That was what this was all about. Nolan and Dana would have time for each other later.
Yeah, when? his cranky side demanded. He hadn’t made love to her for a seemingly endless two weeks. Her parents never did have that romantic dinner out. Instead, Dana and often Christian had spent damn near every evening with them, often without Nolan.
The Hayeses were gone. Things would get back to normal.
“I want to do something different for my birthday party this year,” Christian said out of the blue. “I wish we could go climbing.”
Nolan shook his head. “I can’t accept liability for other people’s kids, not to do something like that. We could go to someplace with an indoor rock-climbing wall, but we’d need to get signed permission from all the parents.” He hesitated. “Are you sure your friends would all enjoy that, anyway? It’s not for everyone.”
Christian screwed up his face. “Ryan would probably hate it. And maybe Eric. He’s kind of clumsy.”
“What about a hike?”
“I want to do something cool!” In an instant, he was sullen, more teenager than little boy. “Different from everyone else.”
“What have your friends done for their birthdays lately?” Dana asked.
“Oh, sometimes, you know, just an arcade and cake. Jason wants to go back to the waterslides. He’s really into that. Dieter’s birthday was in February. His dad got four tickets to see the Trail Blazers play.”
Dana’s brow wrinkled. “Is that basketball?”
“Uh-huh. And once Kieran’s dad took a bunch of us to see the Winterhawks. That’s ice hockey.”
“So...no summer professional sports around here.”
He shook his head. “Except minor-league baseball, and I don’t care about baseball.”
Well, crap. Christian wanted this birthday to be a big deal, maybe because of the reveal of his new identity, maybe just because it was his twelfth. Heck, the increasingly volatile hormones could be blamed for just about everything.
“It’s a long drive, but what if you went to the ocean?” Dana suggested. “Flew kites, I don’t know.” Her voice had petered out at Christian’s obvious lack of enthusiasm.
She’d given Nolan an idea, though. “You know, I’m getting a load of sand delivered.”
The sand on his “beach” was largely washed away over the winter. Having a private beach helped sell his business, so he renewed the sand regularly. It was worth every penny.
“Yeah?” Christian said.
“I could change the delivery date.” Or have another load dumped. “What if you had a sand-sculpture-building party? Not little-kid sandcastles but big, awesome creations. You could divide into teams.”
Christian’s eyes widened. “Remember the picture of the dragon?”
“I do. And the charioteer with two horses.”
“Yeah! You can make a car or a...a...”
“Octopus!” Dana exclaimed. “Or even a castle. I saw a picture of one with an open arch. I don’t know how they do that.”
“I don’t, either,” Nolan said, deciding it was time to scale back the grandiose dreams. “I imagine some of those take days and skill we don’t have, but I’ll bet you and your friends could come up with some good ideas that are doable.”
“But...what if it rains?”
Nolan grinned. “Then we go out for pizza, I’ll hand out tokens for the games, and we’ll come back to the house or to Wind & Waves for cake.”
“July is mostly good weather,” Christian said thoughtfully.
Dana’s breath caught. “July?” she echoed.
“Oh. Yeah. Um...” Cheeks pink, he did some squirming. “Since that’s really my birthday.”
Her eyes held desperate hope. “But...then everyone...”
Christian swallowed. “I told Jason. And I’m going to tell my other friends. About...you know. You.”
“Really?”
Seeing tears welling in her eyes, Nolan hastily grabbed a clean napkin and handed it to her. “Really,” Nolan said, smiling at her. “We’ll let the school know. Mom.”
Her mouth formed an O. Then she buried her face in the napkin and cried. Christian stared helplessly at her. Nolan pushed back his chair, circled the table and sat next to her so he could pull her forward to lean against his chest.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m just...happy!”
Christian looked askance. “That’s happy?”
Nolan found himself chuckling as he stroked her hair. “Yep. Live and learn, kid.”
“But only a girl would do that. And I don’t like girls.”
And suddenly Dana was laughing, too. Feeling his wet shoulder, the vibration of her laughter, the smooth silk of her hair against his cheek, Nolan smiled.
“It won’t be long until you do.” Somehow, he came to be looking at Dana instead of Christian when he finished. “Trust me.”
Her puffy eyes holding his, Dana offered him a shaky smile. Her lips formed near-silent words that were only for him. “I do.”
All Nolan’s anxieties fled.
* * *
DANA FELT LIGHT as air when she went home that evening. Her mother’s worries had been a kind of infection, leaving her feeling as if she had the flu, complete with aches and tiredness. Tonight, looking into Nolan’s eyes, she had let it all go.
Giddiness filled her.
Mom. Christian had told his best friend about her. He intended to tell all of his other friends in time to celebrate his birthday on July 17, which wasn’t very far away.
She loved the sandcastle idea. It felt...magical. The way she felt. This was the first birthday she’d celebrate with him. She wanted it to make up for all the ones she’d missed.
At the sound of muffled ringing, she hurried to the kitchen to dig her phone out of her purse. Nolan.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hey. Ah, Christian just got an invite to a sleepover tomorrow night. This one from Ryan.”
“The clumsy friend?”
“No, that’s Eric. Ryan is scrawny and into computers. He’s played soccer, I think, but I suspect his father encouraged that.”
“The classic geek.”
Nolan laughed. “Yep. Fortunately, Christian has some geek in him, too. I’d like to see him reading more, but he’s buried in his laptop half the time.”
She opened her mouth to ask if Christian had been begging for a phone to extend his digital reach...but realized she didn’t care. Not right this minute. What Nolan had really called to tell her was that they could have a sleepover tomorrow night, too. They’d both have to get up early for work the next day, but so what?
“Would you like to come to dinner?”
“I would love to come to dinner.” He hesitated. “I don’t want you feeling obligated, but I like the days you’re around at work, too.”
He was talking about Saturday, even though she’d be around all day Sunday for the birthday party. “Free,” she teased.
“That doesn’t hurt,” he agreed, a smile in his voice. But the smile was gone when he said, “I just like knowing I can turn around and there you’ll be. I’ll see you cocking your head as you puzzle over all the jargon some young hotshot is throwing at you and the smile that brings him to his knees the same way it does me. Or your back as you walk away. Your amazing legs and the sway of your hips and the way you carry yourself, with such pride.”
She clutched the phone, a tightness growing in her chest. Nobody had ever said anything like this to her.
“I love the sight of you soaked to your knees and sandy, feeling good because you just pulled off something else you’ve never done before.” His voice dropped another octave. “Then there are the times I turn to find you looking at me. My head empties of whatever I was thinking. There’s just you.”
When he fell silent, Dana whispered, “You’ve made me cry again.” She blinked hard.
“And I’m not there to put my arms around you.”
“Tomorrow.” She took a deep breath. “And Saturday. Because...I like spending the day with you, too, even if we hardly have a chance to talk.”
“Good.” He made a ragged sound—a cleared throat? “I don’t plan to do a lot of talking tomorrow night.”
Pleasure squeezed deep in her abdomen, had her toes curling. “Sleep tight,” she said, sultry in a way she didn’t recognize.
“Fat chance,” he said hoarsely. “Good night, Dana.”
He was gone. She stood in the middle of her kitchen, aching for him.
He couldn’t have said all that if he didn’t mean it. Not Nolan. She’d been right to let go of the suspicion her mother had roused.
And she needed to get to bed, considering how little sleep she was likely to have tomorrow night.
* * *
THURSDAY EVENING, CHRISTIAN appeared in the living room without the usual preamble of feet stomping on the stairs. Instead of sitting down, he hovered in the doorway. “That was my father. On the phone.”
Nolan nodded. He’d recognized the caller’s voice. Resented having to hear it. For all the neutrality he struggled to present to Christian, Nolan had developed a deep antipathy for the man who intended to take his place.
His attitude wasn’t helped by the fact that Craig Stewart hardly acknowledged his existence. From the beginning, Dana had understood she needed to build a relationship with him, not only with her son. She had talked to him. Listened to him. Craig didn’t so much as say, Hi, Nolan. Gabriel available? No, it was always a crisp May I speak to Gabriel? His tone suggested irritation that he had to go through an intermediary. Nolan was surprised he hadn’t bought an expensive smartphone for Christian and shipped it to him.
Nolan set aside his laptop. “He have anything special to say?”
“I told him about my birthday party.” Christian looked unhappy. “He wants to come.”
Oh, hell. If anything would spoil the day more than a cloudburst, that would be it.
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t know what to say!” Christian cried. “I just...” His voice dropped to a mumble. “I don’t know what I said.”
Uh-oh. “We’d better warn Dana.”
“He sounded kind of mad.” Christian hunched his shoulders. “I called her...you know. Mom.”
Yes! Now if Christian would only call her that to her face.
Nolan dragged his mind back to the man he considered enemy number one. “He didn’t like that?”
“He got really icy and said he’d talk to her.”
Nolan clasped his hands behind his head when what he really wanted to do was lunge for his phone. He nodded at it. “Why don’t you give her a quick warning call?”
Christian’s eyes went to the phone, but he kept hovering where he was. “Do you think I should?”
Nolan raised an eyebrow.
The kid dragged himself over. Instead of taking the phone to make his call privately, he plunked down at the other end of the sofa and dialed.
Nolan maintained the pretense of relaxation.
After a minute, Christian set down the phone. “It’s busy. I’ll bet it’s him.”
Nolan bet it was him, too. The SOB who had gotten over the loss of his son in no time at all and ditched his wife because she wasn’t willing to move as fast. And, sure, that might not be entirely fair; Craig hadn’t carried the baby for nine months, and he hadn’t stayed home days with him. Or, Nolan suspected, gotten up nights with his son. He had to get his rest, after all, because his work was so important. Had he so much as changed a diaper?
Nolan was a little ashamed to admit he hoped not. He resolved to ask Dana.
“She can handle him,” Nolan said. “Don’t worry about it.”
The brown eyes beseeched him. “What if he wrecks my birthday?”
“How can he?” Nolan said simply. Sure as shooting, the jackass would bring the perfect birthday gift: a smartphone. “Him being there will be more uncomfortable for Dana than it will be for you.” He smiled. “You’ll be too busy building...?”
“A dinosaur,” Christian said with a burst of enthusiasm. “I was thinking, like, a stegosaurus’s back, only I have to figure out how to do the triangles that stick up.”
“You might find some how-to advice online,” Nolan suggested. “You probably should look and share what you learn with all your friends.” Who had all thought the idea of building sand sculptures was awesome.
Christian bounced to his feet. “I’ll do that right now.” Halfway out of the room, he turned back. “I told you Dana is going to bake the cake, right?”
Nolan smiled. “You did.”
“I bet she makes a great one!”
This time, those oversize feet thundered on the stairs.
* * *
DANA STEWED FOR half an hour before she let herself call Nolan.
“Hey,” he said. “Did your jerk of an ex reach you?”
“You knew?”
“Christian tried to call to warn you. Apparently Craig got to you first.”
Sitting in her big upholstered chair, she drew her knees up. Because it was comfortable, she told herself, not because she needed comfort.
“Did he tell Christian he’s coming out here?”
“For his birthday.”
“Craig is furious because I hadn’t let him know that Christian—excuse me, Gabriel—has decided to admit I’m really his mother. It didn’t help that Christian told him about my parents’ visit.” She sighed. “I can’t really blame him about that. They shouldn’t have had the chance to see him before Craig did. He’s Christian’s father.”
How strange that it seemed wrong, even offensive, to call her son by his birth name. And I swore I’d never think of him by the name she gave him.
But she was Nolan’s sister. A deeply troubled human being. Christian had loved her. When forced to see the truth, she’d killed herself.
Dana almost felt...pity for Marlee Gregor. Not that she’d ever admit as much to Craig.
And Christian... Well, that was who her son was now.
“It was inevitable he’d show up,” Nolan said, sounding wonderfully unperturbed. “Do you suppose he’ll announce he’s filing for custody right when we’re lighting the candles?”
Almost able to see it, she hugged her knees. “It’s dumb that I’ve let him become some kind of bogeyman. I loved him. I married him.” Her voice softened. “He loved Gabriel, too.”
His silence made her think about what she’d just said. Did he not like her saying she’d loved Craig?
“You’re never dumb. I don’t want to hear you saying that,” Nolan said sternly.
It was her turn to gather her thoughts. “He could take Christian away from both of us.”
“How can he, if we stand together?” Nolan said, his voice so tender she closed her eyes and imagined it was a touch, warming her skin, giving her courage. “You’re his mother. I’m the only father he’s ever known. And no judge would disregard what a boy Christian’s age wants.”
“No. Of course not. I may be wrong about what Craig intends, anyway. No matter what, he should get to know his son.”
“I agree. Which is why I grit my teeth and hand the phone to Christian every time the guy calls.”
She was able to laugh, stepping back from the cold anger in every word Craig had spoken. Saying good-night, Dana felt amazement at how much had changed since the first time she came to Lookout and met hostility from both Nolan and Christian. Now Nolan spoke as if standing together was a given. And Christian had told his friends about her. He wanted her around. He hadn’t called her Mom yet, but he would. He would.
In a way, she’d be glad to get this first meeting with Craig over with.