Chapter 2
Be happy in the moment—that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.
Mother Teresa
Stress will arise in your life, whether you want it to or not—but how you relate to it is totally up to you. Mindfulness can give you a powerful tool for increasing your resiliency and helping you rise above difficulty. You already know that life as a teen is stressful. The truth is that life as an adult is also stressful. Learning how to handle stress now, while you’re young, can help you have a positive future as an adult. Mindfulness is something you can practice and use now and for the rest of your life. So why wait?
Have you ever been so preoccupied that you weren’t consciously aware of what you were actually doing? For example, have you ever walked from one class to another, and found that by the time you arrived you didn’t even remember how you got there? Maybe you were busy checking your phone, or rushing just to get there on time, or thinking about what you needed to do later. And suddenly you “woke up” and realized where you were.
Perhaps you go through much of your life as if in a dream, mindlessly, without awareness. Your body may be in one place, and your mind may be somewhere else. We call this being “on autopilot,” as if you are cruising through life automatically, robotically. We all have a strong tendency to let our autopilot take over as we go through our daily lives.
Mary’s Story
Mary said that she had been getting stressed out a lot by drama with her friends and drama with her family. Her stress was sometimes so severe that she got headaches and belly pain. She sometimes missed school because of it. She didn’t know what she could do to handle her stress, and she felt hopeless.
At the start of the mindfulness course, Mary was skeptical. The main reason she had agreed to take the course was because her mother had pressured her to. But she decided, as she said, “I’m here now—I might as well give it a try. I’m already really stressed out—what do I have to lose?” So she tried some short formal mindfulness practices at home, like mindful breathing (which you’ll learn in this chapter), sitting meditation (which you’ll learn in chapter 4), and the body scan (which you’ll learn in chapter 6). She also started to practice mindfulness informally—bringing that same present-moment, nonjudgmental awareness to activities like walking, sitting on the bus, and brushing her teeth.
By paying attention to her own life and her own stress, Mary said she was surprised to learn that she spent a lot of time on autopilot and that being on autopilot usually worsened her stress. At the end of the mindfulness course, Mary said, “Now I know how to handle stress and pain in a healthy way, and I do feel that it has helped me a lot…in many different situations.”
Any time you are going through life on autopilot, you might take for granted all kinds of seemingly “ordinary” experiences. If you can shift out of autopilot and into a deep present-moment awareness, you can discover how extraordinary every moment of life can be. If you can be fully present, you can experience the miracle of being truly alive even while doing the simplest of activities, such as eating a raisin.
Try This! Eat a Raisin Mindfully
You can do this mindfulness practice using the instructions below or with the help of the recording (track 1) available at http://www.newharbinger.com/30802.
Start by placing a single raisin on a table or plate in front of you. (If you are allergic to raisins, or if you don’t have any raisins handy, you can substitute some other food that is easily available and that you have eaten before, like an orange, some peanuts, or even a piece of candy.) Perhaps you have certain ideas about what a raisin is, what a raisin looks like, or what a raisin tastes like. Perhaps you like raisins, or perhaps you don’t. For now, put all your ideas and expectations about raisins aside. For now, simply experience and explore this raisin as if you had never encountered a raisin before. Imagine that you’re an alien and you’ve just arrived on Earth. You are very curious to explore new things about Earth, and today is your chance to find out what a raisin is all about. You are going to explore this raisin with all of your senses. You are going to be really curious about this particular, individual raisin in great detail and try to get to know it. Before you do anything with the raisin, start by coming fully to the present moment. Tell yourself you have nothing else to do and nowhere to go right now. Take three breaths in and out. As best you can, just bring your full attention to the here and now. Begin to inspect the raisin with your sense of sight. Hold the raisin up in your hand. Take a good, slow, long look at it. What do you notice about what this raisin looks like? What do you notice about its color? Its texture? Does it look different depending on the angle or the light? Take your time looking at the raisin; there’s no need to rush. Now, examine the raisin with your sense of touch. Roll it between your thumb and your index finger, squeeze it gently, or rub it slowly. What do you notice? How does the raisin feel? Is it warm or cool? Firm or soft? Again, take your time examining the raisin in detail, with great curiosity. If all this seems a bit silly, that’s okay. This is just an experiment. You can approach it with a sense of playfulness. Even though your mom may have told you when you were little not to play with your food, for now it’s okay. Now, examine the raisin with your sense of smell. Hold it up to your nose, close your eyes, and gently breathe in through your nostrils. What do you notice? Do you smell anything? Is it a faint smell, or a strong smell? Is it sweet, or is it bitter? Next, examine the raisin with your sense of hearing. Hold the raisin up to one ear. Give it a gentle squeeze, or roll it between your thumb and your index finger. Do you hear anything? Remember, this is the first time you have touched a raisin, so you don’t know what to expect. Just be curious, and be open to whatever you experience, letting go of any expectations. After listening to the raisin for a minute or two, place the raisin in your mouth, on the middle of your tongue. If you notice the urge to chew or swallow, try to just notice that urge, without acting on it right away. As the raisin sits on your tongue, roll it around your mouth, from front to back and side to side. What do you notice about the texture of the raisin as you roll it around in your mouth? Do you notice your mouth or body responding in any way to the presence of this raisin in your mouth? You can put the book down and close your eyes for a minute or two while you do this. Now, gently bite down on the raisin. Chew it very slowly, with purpose and care, paying close attention to every detail of taste, sensation, and texture as you chew. Take your time, slowly chewing the raisin until it dissolves. What does it taste like? What is happening to the texture, the consistency, of the raisin? You can put the book down for this part too and close your eyes as you chew the raisin. If a thought like I don’t like raisins or This doesn’t taste good enters your mind, just notice you are having a judgmental thought. Then, as best you can, bring your attention back to the pure sensory experience of the raisin in your mouth. When the raisin is almost completely dissolved, go ahead and slowly—intentionally—swallow it. Notice what it feels like as the raisin goes down your throat, toward your stomach.After the raisin is gone, pause and take a moment to thank yourself for eating a raisin mindfully. Thanking yourself is a way to practice self-compassion, which (as you’ll learn in chapter 3) is an essential ingredient in mindfulness practice.
Here are a few questions to reflect on after eating a raisin mindfully:
Personally, I have a tendency to eat raisins quickly—usually in my cereal—without thinking about it. When I eat a raisin slowly and mindfully, I notice many things that I don’t normally notice. I notice that different parts of the raisin might be different colors. I’m surprised by the little squeaky noise when I squeeze it next to my ear. I notice how much taste and flavor a single raisin has. I am surprised at how enjoyable eating a raisin can be, even though usually I think that I don’t “like” raisins (and haven’t, ever since I was a little kid!).
Perhaps you’ve eaten thousands of raisins. You might normally eat raisins on autopilot—just going through the motions, while your mind is somewhere else. When you take time to slow down and intentionally pay attention to something so simple, your experience can become richer, fuller, more alive—more flavorful. Perhaps even more delicious!
You can shift out of autopilot and into present-moment awareness while eating a raisin, while sitting quietly and focusing on your breath, or while doing almost any other activity. When you pay attention with curiosity and openhearted awareness, you will begin to free yourself from your own judgments and expectations. You will experience life just as it is, moment to moment. This can be profoundly liberating, helping you free yourself from stress.
Asking someone to define mindfulness is kind of like asking, “What does chocolate taste like?” Or “What does your favorite song sound like?” Definitions can only give you a small idea of the real experience. Just reading about mindfulness without experiencing it yourself is like going to a restaurant to read the menu, without tasting any of the food. Just as the point of going to a restaurant is to taste the food, the point of mindfulness is to actually experience it.
That said, there are some descriptions of mindfulness that might be a good place to start. Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally” (1994, 4) is simple and to the point. Mindfulness is all about paying attention to the present moment. Mindfulness is about shifting out of autopilot and awakening to the here and now. Mindfulness is about freeing yourself from regrets about the past and worries about the future.
Here are a few other ways of describing mindfulness:
People in every culture around the world have recognized the wisdom of openhearted, present-moment awareness, whether or not they called it “mindfulness,” for thousands of years. Everyone can be mindful. You have probably already experienced moments of natural mindfulness. Perhaps you’ve had times, without even trying to, when you were deeply aware of what you were doing; the only thing that mattered was the present moment—the past and the future seemed to disappear—and you were filled with gratitude for being alive. Maybe this happens for you when you play sports. Or maybe you experience this kind of awareness when you play a musical instrument, when you pet your dog or cat gently, or when you listen to your favorite song. Whether you realized it or not in those moments, you already know how to be mindful!
You breathe in and out about twenty thousand times a day. How many of those breaths are you consciously aware of? How many of those breaths do you really enjoy? If you’re like most people, the answer is “not many.” The foundation of all mindfulness practices is to bring your awareness to your breath. This is also known as “coming back to your breath.” Your breath is a wonderful gift that brings your mind and body together in the here and now. You can start to bring yourself back to the present moment, and begin to free yourself from stress, with as few as three mindful breaths. Right here. Right now. Give it a try.
Try This! Mindful Breathing
You can do this mindfulness practice using the instructions below or with the help of the recording (track 2) available at http://www.newharbinger.com/30802. I recommend that you start by following along with the recording a few times. Then, try guiding yourself through the practice, without the recording, just to see what that’s like.
First, stop. Stop whatever you are doing, or whatever it is that you were about to do, and simply allow yourself to be “here,” without needing to do anything. Next, simply bring your attention to your breath, just as it is, in the here and now. You don’t need to make your breath any different than it naturally is. You don’t have to make it slower or deeper. Just bring your attention to your natural breath, with an attitude of curiosity and kindness. Notice the movement of the air as you breathe in, inhaling oxygen, and as you breathe out, exhaling carbon dioxide. Experiment with saying silently to yourself as you breathe in and out, Breathing in, I know that I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know that I am breathing out (Nhat Hanh 2009, 4). Or, you can shorten this to In. Out. Pay careful attention to your breath, following it as you breathe in and out. Notice the beginning of your in-breath. Follow your in-breath from the beginning, to the middle, all the way to the end. Then notice the pause between your in-breath and your out-breath. Follow your out-breath from the beginning, to the middle, all the way to the end. You might want to imagine that you are floating in the ocean and each breath is a wave passing beneath you. Each in-breath lifts you up, and each out-breath sets you back down. Just float gently on the waves of your breath. It might also help to focus on the part of your body where you notice your breath most easily, like your nose—where you can feel the air going in and out—or your belly, which expands and contracts with each breath. Following your breath doesn’t have to feel like work. Breathing mindfully can be relaxing and enjoyable. If your breath feels good, simply enjoy the sensation and smile. If your mind wanders or if you get distracted, that’s okay. That’s what minds do. Don’t judge yourself as having done something “wrong.” You can just notice and gently say to yourself, Oh, my mind has wandered off, and perhaps be curious about where your mind wandered off to. Then gently bring your attention back to the next breath.You can breathe mindfully like this for three breaths, nine breaths, or, if you have time, two or three minutes.
What was it like to pay attention to your breath? What was it like to come back to the present moment? Did you notice anything interesting or surprising?
You can take some time to do mindful breathing any time of day, anywhere. After breathing mindfully for a few breaths or a few minutes, continue to go about your day, more connected to the present moment. See whether coming back to your breath changes your day in any way. Your breath is always there for you, to keep you alive and nourish your body and your mind. Can you learn to be there for your breath?