I walk throughout the day with my organs out
the mosquitos orbit my blood.
I watch a petal open into a skirt of pink
& think of how I waited for my first period
for years & the morning the red stain
rippled in the toilet. How I played football
with the boys in the school park
& my mustache grew longer
than anyone in my class.
In my sex dreams a penis swings
between my legs, a pendulum clock
tower puncturing my days. I watch
myself destroy the bodies of others
wetness blooms across the sheets.
Mother, where are you? How would
you have taught me to be a woman?
A man? Can you help me? Each day
without you I pile questions
& whisper them to your new body,
the earth & the grass laughs
in my face. Sometimes I laugh
alone & for a moment forget
I was talking to you. Sometimes
I let my grief go & my body is fully mine.
Fully alive, dancing, boy-girl
feet pounding the ground.