• X = How many of the following have you done: posted couples picture(s) to social networking website, chosen night with him/her over night with friends, sent him/her more than two updates during workday, skipped work to be with him/her, asked him/her for help, defended him/her from disparaging comments, deleted ex’s contact information, wondered if he/she’s the one on average of more than once per week.
• F = When you’re awakened by the sound of his/her cacophonous snoring, catch him/her farting, or otherwise encounter stark evidence of basic humanity, you think: Enter from 1 to 10 with 1 being “aw, how terribly cute!” and 10 being “dear god, I’m dating/snogging/married to a diplodocus.”
• BG = Sum all the differences between the following numbers:
Your and their years of schooling.
A point for each ten points of difference in your and their estimated IQs.
On a scale from 1 to 10, your and their beauty.
On a scale from 1 to 10, your and their religious fervor.
On a scale from 1 to 10 (left to right), your and their politics.
• H = In hours, the estimated time before homicide of any form would occur in a trapped elevator containing you, him/her, and all your combined parents. Be realistic. Cap this at eight.
• IF = When he/she asks an inconvenient favor, you: obey happily (1), obey with silent reservations (2), obey and gripe (3), disobey benignly (4), gripe and disobey (5).
• A = How old are you?
• T = Months you’ve known each other.
GODDESS% is the percentage chance that he or she’s the one.