The judge takes his seat
on the bench and lets us know
that the jury has reached a verdict
And I can hear everyone behind me
shifting in their seats
whispering
mumbling
crying
as if they know
They already know
Order! the judge shouts
and bangs his gavel
But all I hear is chaos
All I know is chaos
The disorder of things, places
and people that have no end
no aim, no destiny, no Allah
Godless like hell
Umi tells me to pray, head bowed
submitting to that higher power who
holds the puppet strings
And sometimes I feel like a toy soldier
and I want to beat my chest
to check my bulletproof vest
in this made-up war
like some rap battle
with no mic, no beat, no sound
It’s so quiet now
I hold my own hands
My leg is shaking
My heart is a drum
My body—
I wish I could float into the air
I wish I could disappear
