The first time I was ever handcuffed
was when I was arrested and charged
with this crime, I thought about
watches and other things I wear on my wrist
In kindergarten Umi got me a waterproof watch
with a Velcro strap, I was always checking it like
I had places to go and people to see and
in second grade I wore those Silly Bandz
on my wrist as if they were status symbols
In fifth grade, the prettiest girl
Tanesha, made me a friendship bracelet
strands of string linked together like chains
That shit never came off, but when we broke up
I tried to snag it loose with my teeth right there
in the schoolyard so everyone could see
that we were done and I’m not about to cry
over no girl, but there go Shawn with his
big mouth talking about, She dumped you, ha ha!
So I told him to shut the fuck up right there
in the schoolyard so everyone could see
that I’m not about to cry over no girl
But he kept saying, She dumped you, she dumped you!
’Cause Tanesha was the prettiest girl in the fifth grade
and when she was my girl I was the coolest kid in the
fifth grade and you know when you have a girl
all the other girls wanna be your girl, so Shawn
with his big mouth was messing up my game
was trying to make me cry, make me mad, make me fight
and he came to my face one more time with
She dumped your ugly ass! and the only thing left to do
was to deck him in the face, punch after punch
And we were right there in the schoolyard fighting
like we wanted to kill each other but all I was trying to do
was not lose ’cause everybody was right there in the
schoolyard watching, cheering, until until
the principal came, the gym teacher came
my teachers came to stop us from trying
to kill each other ’cause that’s what it looked like
after I was done with Shawn’s face
We have a zero-tolerance policy, Mr. Figueroa
said when my mother came up to the school
after I had to sit in the office for a long-ass time
and I knew I was in big trouble ’cause they sent
Shawn to the nurse’s office and called his mother
and everything, and I thought I won, I had a rep
for being this hard little kid that nobody could mess with
and I didn’t even know how I was supposed to feel—
happy or sad, proud or guilty, like I won or lost—
because Umi’s eyes were red when she came to the office
She stared down at me like she was sending lasers
from her eyes, but right behind her was my boy Lucas
smiling big and giving me a thumbs-up, but Umi’s
face was sad, angry, confused, so I didn’t know
what to do with my own eyes when both Ms. Samuel and
Mr. Figueroa called us into the office to say again
that We have a zero-tolerance policy!Zero tolerance
What does that even mean? Umi asked
It means that Amal will have to be suspended for
three days and it will have to go on his record
We laid out the rules at the beginning of the school year
No fighting, no bullying, no cursing, no acting out
Zero tolerance
Scholars are learning that our actions always have
consequences and we have to think about
our choices, Ms. Samuel said, sounding like she’s a
fucking robot, and Umi was looking at her like she is
and said, Is the other boy getting suspended?
And Mr. Figueroa said, The other boy was sent to
the nurse’s officeHe was badly hurt
And thenAnd then Umi looked over at me
as if I did the worst thing in the worldand
her faceher face looked like it was slowly
slowly turning intohoney falling off a spoon
Sadness moved down from her forehead to her lips
Drooping and dripping
I’m so disappointed in you, Amal, Umi said
And mymy heartwas like her face
Drooping and dripping
Then she asked, Does it have to go on his record?
Boys fight all the time, right, I mean he’s always
fighting with his cousins, kids get hurtkids
They make stupid mistakes
What’s three days’ suspension supposed
to teach him?He’ll be home
all aloneI can’t take off work to watch him
Umi’s eyes were begging for something Mr. Figueroa
wasn’t about to give
Ms. Samuel wants us to spread our wings and fly
wants us to reach our full potential
College, it was all about college, so of course
she repeated, We have a zero-tolerance policy
and Umi looking at me like I did the worst thing
in the world and Lucas peeking into the office
looking at me like I did the best thing in the world
and Tanesha walking in and looking at me
just looking at meand me looking at her
and wishing so badthat I never
got into that fight with Shawn