There are other brothers
in here with me
Some my age
some older, some very old
And it’s as if all our roads
led to this point
not even crossing
a dead end
with nothing but
concrete walls
and metal bars
boxing us in
We nod at each other
It’s our way of saying
I see you, bro
We in here
And that’s where the
conversation ends
But we speak with
our hands
our eyes
our bodies
Head back
chin up
eyes wandering
but never landing
We take up space
without stepping over
invisible boundaries
We move around each other
without ever bumping shoulders
Some of us put up more walls
Some of us look as if
we will break down all the walls
Most of us become the walls
I find a spot to sit
because it feels as if
everything that is alive inside of me
is floating away
I’m not in my body
It’s shock, that’s all . . . Shock
Grandma had said on the night of my arrest
when I stared out into a void
not here, somewhere over there
I remember that feeling
of being in a dream
or a nightmare
as if this life isn’t mine
as if I’ve stepped into the flesh and bones
of someone else pretending to be me
and I’m waiting for an opening
in the universe to pull me out of
this dream state
this smoky haze
this ghost of a body
that is not me
Sleep is trying to come at me
like a giant ocean wave
pulling me deepdeep
Maybe I can touch the ocean floor
and the ancestors of the Middle Passage
tug at my feetcall me home
Maybe this is the only time
I can breathe
underwater
Shahid!
Who knew that voices
could be so loud
under the ocean
Amal Shahid!
Who even knows my name
under the ocean
And I’m going up for air
floating to the surface
my face staring up
at a sunless, dark concrete sky
Is there an Amal Shahid in here?
Air comes to me in one big gulp
and I almost choke on my own breath
Here . . . here! I’m here!
They laugh at me
And it’s the first time
I feelI feel
Exposed
They’re clownin’ me
for being asleep
when the worldthe whole world
has peeled back our eyelids
and robbed us of any
peaceful rest
Shahid! they call out one more time
You’re up next