There was no
in-between time
to say goodbye
I went from
kid to criminal to felon
to prisoner to inmate
We’re moved from
the county jail
and onto a bus
and from the bus
we’re going to the
juvenile detention facility
There’s not enough of us
on this bus
to fill every seat
So I take one by the window
And it’s a relief that my hands
are cuffed in front of me
instead of behind me
I look out and the sky is a slab of concrete
above us
I look for the moon
There are two guards on the bus
one in the front, one in the back
And this almost feels like a field trip
almost
ExceptExcept
the quiet is choking my ears
The absence of voices
is like cold hands wrapping
their icy fingers around sound
And
maybe there was never
this much room on
slave ships
I wanna lay down so bad
I wanna close my eyes so bad
I wanna dream and sleep deep so bad
There’s another guy opposite from me
and he looks out his side of the window
just like I’m pretending to be
And if this was another time and place
I imagine the conversation would start like this:
What up, man, I’m Amal— And you?
But he turns to me as if
he felt my eyes on the
back of his head
and says
What the fuck are you looking at?
I go back to my
dark-gray sky
And I feel the heat seconds before
he aims for the back of my head
with his handcuffed fists
It’s too late to duck
The blow makes me hit the glass window
It should’ve shattered
I should’ve shattered
And I ball up
My head cradled in the crook of my arms
I fold into myself
and I wait for more pain
And that’s when I know the story
that really isn’t my story
hasn’t made it past the courtroom
yet
The story that I thought
was my life
didn’t start on the day
I was born
The story that I thought
was this life
didn’t start on the day
I went to that park
The story that I think
will be my life
starts today
Anything that happened
before today
is only the prequel
the backstory
the story behind the story
Nothing before today matters
It doesn’t even matter
that I wasn’t supposed to be
with Omari that night
It doesn’t even matter
that Umi wanted me home by ten
and I knew that she was still out
getting her hair done or something
and she wouldn’t even know
probably wouldn’t even care
because I was with Lucas
Except I wasn’t
Lucas was with his girl
and I was with Omari
who brought his boy Antwon
who said he had a whole crew
down by the courts waiting for him
for a two-on-two game
and if we came with him
it would be a three-on-three
But I’m not a baller
So I told Omari that I’d rather go
to the skate park
’cause I don’t like basketball like that
But he wasn’t about to leave his boy
Antwon hanging like that
And I wasn’t about to leave my boy
Omari hanging like that
Even though Lucas left me hanging
for some girl
and I wishedI wished so bad
that I had a girl, too
but Zenobia
Zenobia is her name
doesn’t even know
who I am
I bet she does now
Zenobia knows my name
That matters
I tried to tell Omari
that I’m not messing with those
white boys from East Hills
who been telling us
they don’t want us on their block
like they own that shit
They doThey do
He said, You with me
so you good
And I said, I got my peoples
waiting for me in the skate park
It was a lie
so he said, You need to relax ’Mal
They not gonna fuck with you
And I didn’t say
that out here on these streets
on these courtsin these parks
they gotta know you
or know somebody who know you
Out here on these
streetscourtsparks
they will either
speak for you
or
speak against you
And I catch one of these guys
on the bus looking back at me
staringdaring
for me to say something
So this busthis bus
is the streetsthe courtsthe park
on wheelsengine roaring
A ship headed for the new world
and we’re all in herein shackles
on our wristsaround our minds
around our hearts
So I just let him stare