When I come back to my cell
from the visiting room
there’s a notebook
and a box of pencils
on my desk in my cell
There’s a juice box
and a bag of potato chips
on my desk in my cell
There’s a letter
from Zenobia
on my desk in my cell
I sit on my bed
and stare at those things
as if it’s a trick
as if they’re poison
but I want them so bad
so bad
So I start with the letter
Dear Amal,
Thanks for the drawing. It’s really good. I mean, everybody at school knew you were a dope artist. You forgot to sign your drawing. It’ll be worth a lot of money one day. For real. But I’m not going to sell this. I’m framing it and hanging it up in my room.
I heard what they said about you at your trial. People are talking about what Ms. Rinaldi did and it’s really messed up. They should’ve asked one of your friends to be a character witness. I would have done it. I know your character.
You probably don’t want to write about what it’s like in there and what you’re going through. But if you do, I’m here. I’ll always write back. Keep your head up.
Zenobia
PS I’m glad you remember me, too. . . .
I fold the letter and
hold it against my chest
where the brick is
where the building is
where the city is
These letters from Zenobia
are putting me back
together again
I slip the letter between the
pages of the notebook
and grab a few pencils
and wait to be let out
for free time in the dayroom
Kadon and the other corners are
at another table
and I don’t sit with them on purpose
I want to be alone here
I don’t even get a chance to open my notebook
when Officer Stanford comes to look over my shoulder
Shahid, is all he says
I start with a line
Amal Shahid, he says
I draw another line, then a box
I don’t look up
but he’s hovering
like a shadow
like Tattoo
except his arms are clean
You been quiet, he says
Staying out of trouble
It’s almost like
you ain’t supposed to be here
I’m not, I mumble
It’s not up to me, he says
But for now, I see you, Shahid
Keep your head up and head down
at the same time, feel me?
I look up at him
I look into his eyes this time
and maybe
he’s trying to play me
like when I was getting off the bus
So I stare back at him
and wait for
pain
But
Stay low, stay cool, he says
and walks away
and I wonderI wonder
if anybody else sees what he sees
