IN HER BATHROOM, she popped open a medication bottle. “Pain meds,” she said, smiling at the pill in her hand. “As long as I can take pain meds, I’m fine.”
Those were the words she’d said to her brother before kicking him out of her apartment a couple of hours ago.
Strat showed up not long after and she’d told him the same thing.
In her apartment, behind a locked front door, why wouldn’t she be safe? Especially given she had it on good authority her attackers were being taken care of. Not that she told Lachlan or Strat.
She’d have to be alone sometime. Would have to learn how to do basic things, even with her wrist immobilized in a splint.
In the hospital, she’d wrapped her forearm in a plastic bag and the nurses helped her shower and wash her hair. How she’d get by without their assistance remained to be seen.
For the first time, she was getting a look at herself. One eye was black and swollen. Bruises covered her forehead and cheekbone, disappearing into her hair. The jagged line of blood by her temple was a testament to her torture. When did that happen? When he slammed her to the wall the first time? When he threw her to the ground? Maybe it was as he dragged her back along the concrete.
Bruises and scrapes adorned her body. They’d heal, eventually. What went on inside her head wouldn’t be so easy to get over. She brushed her teeth with one hand and dragged a soft brush through her hair.
She’d wanted out of the hospital because she was sick of lying in bed. Now she was desperate for it.
Her silk robe was short and easy to pull on with its wide sleeves. Tomorrow she’d need to find shorts and some tanks to wear for sleeping. She wasn’t used to wearing anything in her own bed. Maybe it was being alone, but she just didn’t like the idea of being naked at all anymore.
She’d never thought about her wardrobe in terms of what could or couldn’t accommodate a sling. Stupid little things like cuffs and seams had never featured in her thoughts. Now they were important details.
Turning off the light, she opened the bathroom door. One step into the bedroom, the sight of a figure by the other door stopped her dead.
His identity registered fast. “Conn…” she said on an exhale. “Don’t do that. You scared the crap out of me.”
“You shouldn’t be alone.”
“I shouldn’t be alone?” she asked. “Why not?”
“Get your shit together, we’re getting out of here.”
“What? To go back to Stag?” she asked, shaking her head. “Doesn’t work for me.”
“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” he said like he couldn’t believe her insubordination. “Get your damn shit—”
“No! This is my home. I won’t let them chase me out of here.”
“You don’t know what you’re dealing with,” he said, striding over. “I’m taking care of this. Taking care of you.”
“No,” she said again, her resolve slipping as her breathing grew shallow. Closing her eyes, she backed up a step and came up against the bathroom doorframe. “You should go.”
“Why?” he asked, his fingers combing into her hair, scooping down and around until he cradled her chin. “I’m sorry.”
The gentle murmur was so startling, her eyes opened to his. “For what?”
“I swear they’ll pay for what they did to you.”
“You already killed one guy,” she said, though didn’t know what happened to the second guy after her identification condemned him.
“It’s not enough,” he said, tipping her chin higher. “I will hunt down every person they ever cared about. Every minute of every fucking day, they’ll pay for hurting you, for touching you.”
“The people they cared about didn’t do this to me,” she said. “I know who did this to me. You know who did this to me. You know why.”
“Because you’re a McDade,” he said, keeping hold of her chin while his other hand stroked and finger combed her hair. “You didn’t surrender.”
“If I had, they’d just have killed me.”
“Macushla,” he breathed, descending to rest his mouth on hers.
The gentle need fractured her defenses. Her hand rose to his neck, clinging to him as her lips parted and his tongue slipped past them. The safety, the security of Stag, was in that kiss. She’d needed this steadfast, stalwart of shelter to be herself again, to be free, to be protected.
Except he’d taken it away. He’d stolen it from her and could do that again, any minute he chose.
“No,” she said, planting her hand on his chest to separate them.
“Let’s get out of here.”
He took her hand and started to move, but she stayed put. “No,” she said when he looked back. “I appreciate you being worried about me, but I’m staying here.”
“You do what you’re fucking told.”
“No,” she said, her hand slipping out of his. “Not anymore.” His jaw tightened. The heat of fury rose in his eyes. “I’m not scared of you, Conn. Even after seeing all the terrible things you did to the asshole who hurt me, I’m not scared of you.” Just in case he was thinking about showing her that anger. “You don’t want me to be afraid of you.”
“You think I can’t force you?”
“No, you can,” she said with a slight nod. “But you won’t. You want my consent. You want to be in charge, but you want me to want that.” His lips thinned again. “You want me to submit. Voluntarily.”
How many times had he told her she wasn’t a prisoner? With the video, even when he had the upper hand, he didn’t force her. He got satisfaction in her choice to give him the power.
“I told you I would look after you.”
“Then cut me loose.”
“Is that why you’re—fuck, forget it. You’re coming with me!”
“No,” she said again, pushing away from the doorframe. At that moment, it was important to defy him. It was important to show him she had power too. “I won’t just forget that. I can’t just forget it. You said our agreement ran until you were finished. You’re finished. You gave me the video. It’s over.”
His gaze darkened. “You think I don’t have copies?”
“Is that how you want to play this?” she asked. “Make like we’re repeating history? No.”
“No? No! You don’t say no to me,” he snarled. “No one says no to me.”
“I do,” she said, getting up so close her sling met his torso. “I say no when you’re wrong. You’re wrong, Conn.”
He grabbed the hair at the back of her head in a sudden tight fist. Sharp pain shot through her skull; the sting hissed out between her teeth.
Immediately, he relaxed his grip. “Macushla,” he whispered.
“Quit saying that,” she said. “I don’t even know what it means. Accept that things are different now. If you think this is necessary, that I’ll share or print anything I saw in my time at Stag if you don’t keep me sweet, you can relax. I have no intention of divulging your secrets.”
Or theirs.
“If you were going to spill, you’d have done it to the guy beating you.”
Her chin descended as her eyes closed. “I’m tired, Connel. I want to go to sleep.”
“You sleep in my bed. Where you’re safe.”
“I’m safe here,” she said. “Lachlan will call and check in. He’s pulled strings to route patrols this way too. I’m safe.”
“Not as safe as you’ll be with me.”
“And the next time you want to have a party? The next time you get bored and replace me with some bimbo?”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe I don’t,” she said. “We talked about trust, but we didn’t have it. We never trusted each other, not really. And why should we?”
“You proved yourself.”
“Oh, is that what I did? Great! Thanks for the test.”
“It was nothing to do with us. I did not set those guys on you.”
“I know that,” she said. “I also know it happened on McDade territory, right on your doorstep. That why you dumped the body on Silvio? You’re pissed they came into your territory and touched your toy. Except I wasn’t your toy, not anymore, because you finished with me.”
“I found your goddamn notes,” he snapped. “Whatever the fuck you were writing about Dorsey.”
“Oh,” she said, no less affronted. “And you didn’t think it was weird they were right there in your office, probably lying on your desk? I wasn’t hiding anything and I’m not ashamed of what I was doing. If you’d talked to me about it—I actually planned to talk to you about it. You dumped my ass before I got a chance.”
“We had the weekend.”
“Yeah, and talking was so high on the agenda,” she said on a semi-scoff. “You have no idea what…” Clarity was an odd creature that visited at random moments. “You dumped me because you thought I was writing about your family. That what? I was using sex to manipulate you?” Probably something he’d faced before. “Shit, Conn, how often did we talk? You didn’t let me get close. You kept me a football field away from you. I was always less interested in the story than I was…” Not something she wanted to say out loud to him. “If I wanted McDade secrets, it would’ve been easier to manipulate Niall or Daly with sex. Hell, I could’ve slept with Hock or Snuff, any of the guys you had driving me, protecting me. You don’t think they’d have been an easier mark? You think I’m so low… that I’m such a cheap slut, I’d use my body to get a story?” She laughed, just a short, humorless exhale. “I do something you can use against me, you do something I can use against you. That was the basis of our relationship. I don’t go to that guy for protection when I’m scared. I don’t turn to him for comfort when I’m low. You don’t give a shit about me, not really. You sent your guy to the hospital, you didn’t even come yourself.”
“For you,” he growled.
“For me?”
“You’ve been ashamed of this from the start. You don’t want anyone to know this exists.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “Because it doesn’t. Not anymore.”
“I don’t give up,” he said. “You’re a McDade.”
“You can say it as often as you like. But if that was true, I wouldn’t have been anywhere near that alley, would I? I wouldn’t have been unsafe in your territory.”
“You’ll never be unsafe again.”
She sighed. “Go home, Conn. Go back to your world and leave me in mine.”
“It was real,” he hissed.
“Our attraction? Yes,” she said because it was impossible to deny. She wasn’t ashamed of it either. “We had fun. It was fun. But this is real life, Conn. This is my life. I need people around who are real. People I can rely on. People I can trust. I need people who care about me. Who’ll be around for a long time. You’re not that guy.”
“I’ve killed for you,” he snarled under his breath.
“For me?” she asked. “Or for your pride?”
Seconds passed, his eyes flashed to hers and then he was gone, slamming the bedroom door at his back.
Breathing out, the adrenaline got a chance to sink in, and nausea hit. Dropping back against the doorframe, she closed her eyes, waiting for the dizziness to pass. At least this time she could check something off the to-do list. Connel was out of her life; she’d never have to deal with him again.