Sleep muddled her mind, and she waited for the cloud of slumber to ease. Joyce always took forever to fully awaken which was why she had a healthy addiction to caffeine. Ah, what she wouldn’t give for a steaming mug of coffee. Too bad it’d been deemed a biohazard. Though she had been pretty happy to discover something similar, and much more potent, in the Doshan pantry.
Pantry…
Something tickled the back of her mind. A memory that seemed such a long way off and yet it should be at the forefront of her mind.
Huh.
She really had slept hard. Moaning, she shifted and stretched. She straightened her legs and pointed her toes, frowning at the tightness in her ankles.
“She’s in pain,” a male voice snapped and immediately the shuffle and rustle of clothing reached her.
No one should be in her quarters. She’d demanded, and been assured, privacy.
She squeezed her eyelids and then forced them open. She gasped at the white light shining in her eyes and immediately snapped them closed again.
“It’s too bright. Lower the lighting.” The same voice, panic tingeing every syllable.
“Be at ease, Kede.” She recognized that voice. Resane. The medico.
What the hell was the male doing in her suite?
“Repair her.”
“We have done all we can, Kede. Give her a moment to awaken.” Yare’s words were smooth and cajoling. He’d used that tone on her more than once.
All right, she had three males in her room when one was too many.
“What—” Her voice cracked and she licked her lips, trying again. “What are you doing in my room?”
“You are in medical.” The low, lyrical tone comforted her. “Do you remember what happened?”
She sensed the lights dimming and she forced her eyes open once again. The familiar mismatched gaze of the commander was inches from hers. He sucked in a harsh breath and she fought to open her eyes more fully.
“By the light, you are beautiful, my harae.”
Her language implant didn’t translate the word for her. “What should I remember?” She tried to shift her position and her muscles protested. “Why do I hurt?”
A glare shuttered over his features and was directed at someone behind her. “She is in pain.”
“She has to be in pain to heal,” Resane snapped back.
“Why do I need to heal?”
“Stay calm, my harae.” The commander lifted his hand as if to touch her and then he placed his palm on the platform once again. “Do not listen to Resane, he does not know what he speaks of. We will make you comfortable.”
Joyce grinned and then thought better of it when pain sliced through her. “Commander, you said he was the best medico the Doshan had ever produced.”
Now the commander’s frown was directed at her. “I did not say he was the smartest.” His frown deepened. “And I am now Kede to you, my harae. Always Kede.”
She tried to shake her head, but more agony assaulted her. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It does not matter now. Your comfort is most important.” That fierce glare shifted from her once again. “Is that not so, Resane?”
Joyce sighed. She did not want to be in the middle of some Doshan pissing contest. “Commander,” the man glared at her now. She wondered if the expression would freeze in place. “Kede, why am I under the care of medicos? What happened? Did my chip…”
A heavy coldness settled into her stomach. Had they discovered what it could do? Had it somehow been triggered? Worry and fear assaulted her. If Terra knew she’d revealed the truth about the language implants, she was as good as dead. If she returned to the planet’s surface, she was as good as dead.
The chip’s very presence ensured her shortened life span. Every day was borrowed.
“Nothing is wrong. You—” He grimaced.
Yare slowly came into view and the cook looked exhausted. “You were making devil truffles, do you remember?”
Joyce nodded and then realized verbal answers were a better idea. “Yes.”
“I gave you cilotha since we did not have cay-anne.”
She almost grinned at his version of the word cayenne but then she remembered it’d probably hurt. “Yes, and it was the perfect ingredient.”
Yare’s face paled.
“No, Joyce, it was not,” Kede growled, but she didn’t believe Yare heard him.
The male kept speaking. “Cilotha is from a seed on my planet. It is harmless to Doshan, but when it hits the blood of non-Doshan…” His lips twisted in a scowl. “It is deadly.”
“Oh,” throat suddenly dry, she swallowed hard. “Was I hurt then? From this chee-loth-a thing?”
“Joyce,” Kede’s voice was so very soft, barely audible. “You nearly died. You bled more than I have ever seen. What the cilotha did to your flesh… I will show you the vids someday.”
“I don’t want to see them.” She didn’t even want to imagine something destroying her body. “Will I live now?”
“Yes,” he breathed out the word on a low gust.
“Am I…” She recognized her nakedness beneath the warm sheet atop her. Much like before, she found herself nude and wearing nothing but a thin, yet warm, piece of fabric. Hands at her sides, she found firm skin beneath her fingertips. On her left, she was smooth. Yet on her right, her digits skated over rough lumps, the rise and fall foreign and tender to the touch. “I’m scarred.”
It wasn’t a question. The proof lay beneath her palm. “How did it get on me? In me?”
“You put it in your choc-olate.” She would have smiled at his pronunciation of chocolate if her world hadn’t been crumbling.
A memory darted forward. Her standing at one of the stoves—heat panels—stirring chocolate as it melted. Her double boiler was rigged from two of Yare’s pots and it worked… sorta. But she hadn’t been paying attention, not really, and she burned her chocolate. Then she joked with the male and snatched a new package of chocolate from his hands…
“So it got into me through the burns.”
“Yes.”
Joyce closed her eyes, she didn’t want to see the expression as he answered the next question. In truth, she didn’t want to hear his response. “Do I want to see them?”
He said nothing for a while, nothing but the sound of his breathing filling her ears. Finally, he released a harsh breath and it shattered her heart. “No, you do not.”
Eyes still closed, she drew her hand from beneath the fabric and brought it toward her face. She was afraid of what she’d find, but she needed to know the extent of the damage. Her whole right side hurt, shoulder to ankle, but her face was tight and ached as well. How high did the damage go?
She ghosted her fingertips over her temple, around her eye, along her cheekbone. She traced the line of her lips and then slid her touch over her neck.
She imagined it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
“Will they ever get better?” She didn’t recognize her own voice as emotion clogged her throat.
“They will heal. The skin will eventually darken to blend in.” Darken. Right. Joyce was as white as a cloud. “The unevenness will remain, but will also slowly ease.” He reached out and gently grasped her undamaged hand, slowly tugging it from her face. “The point is, you are alive, Joyce. To any other, exposure to cilotha is a death sentence. It is painful, agonizing.”
Her chest constricted, the lingering pain and outlook for the future clouding her thoughts. “Why didn’t you let me die, then?” A tear escaped and burned her skin, the salty fluid searing the wounds and she hissed. “Fuck.”
“Easy, let me help you.” His hands, so strong and rough, were gentle as he dabbed her cheeks with a cloth.
She stared into his mismatched eyes and found pity laced with an emotion she couldn’t identify. “Why didn’t you just let it end? Why bring me back to this? I know the Doshan have…”
Ritual termination. She couldn’t recall the Doshan word for the ceremony. Her mind hadn’t yet processed everything on the language chip. The vocabulary was vast with varying dialects by region.
Kede gripped her healthy hand. “I would never, never do that to you. You cannot ask it of me because I would tell you no.” The fierceness, the intensity, in his gaze reminded her of an enraged animal. He was wild-eyed and vicious in that moment. The gentle glow of his eyes flared brightly and the heavy weight of his gaze settled over her. “I will always tell you no. No matter what, you will always return to me.”
His glare intensified, his gaze expectant. The parts of her she’d been denying for four weeks finally clicked into place. Her injury, her brush with death, seemed to be a turning point for him. For them both. He looked at her as if…
“Joyce?”
“I will return.” She nodded.
“To me.” He bared his teeth as if he were a feral animal, warning her to give the answer he desired.
Despite the throbbing ache blanketing her body, she responded to the heat, the brutal threat in his expression. “To you.”
Kede grunted. “Resane has been tending you, but he says he will release you soon.”
“Okay.”
“I have installed the door between our quarters. I will have access to you.” Another look from him that dared her to object.
She couldn’t find a reason not to want him that close. Especially when she knew she’d need assistance of some type. Resane couldn’t be expected to cater to her as she recovered and she wouldn’t feel comfortable with another male close to her. Something about Kede made her want him near even as she raged at him.
“Okay.”
“I will order it done.” He jerked his head in a quick nod.
“You just said it was already done.”
He grinned. “I did not want to alter the ship and then chance you not granting me forgiveness.”
Joyce furrowed her brow. “It is a Terran saying. It is sometimes better to ask forgiveness than permission.”
He shrugged. “I did not want to harm the ship.”
That brought a pained smile to her lips. The move tugged and pulled at her skin, but it lightened her heart just the same. Her eyes filled once again and he frowned at her.
“You will not begin leaking again. It caused pain before. Stop it now.”
God, it looked like he meant it, too. So, instead of crying she laughed. A little crazy, the chuckle danced on the edge of insanity, but at least it was a laugh and not more tears.
“You can’t just order someone not to cry, Kede.” She grinned, ignoring the ache.
He growled at her. “I am Commander Kede Tria-se of the Vehly. My word is law.”
That had her smile widening while his words niggled at her memories. “I thought your last name, your family name, is Tria.”
Kede jumped to his feet and ignored her comment. “I must see about the modifications. Rest. Resane will keep me updated on your condition.” He glared at her. “You will get better.”
With that final order, he strode from the room. The door slid apart to grant him exit and it quietly closed behind him.
Well, he’d demanded she get better. So, she better. Though, part of her wanted to remain unwell just to remind him that the world did not revolve around Kede Tria. Or rather, Kede Tria-se.
Joyce wondered why he changed his name.