The drive home seemed longer than it ever had before. She kept seeing Tom with the teddy bear, and thinking of things he had said. She finally forced the visit from her mind, and flicked on the radio. She had cramps in her legs, and suddenly all she wanted was to get home. It had been too long a day, and she had that desperate feeling of exhaustion that swept up on her so quickly now, as though she hadn’t the strength for another step. Maybe Mr. Erhard was right. Maybe she should stop coming for the next few weeks. It was only going to be three more weeks till the baby came. She didn’t even let herself think of that though. Not the baby, not Tom. All she could think of was her bed, and getting out of the clothes that seemed to be strangling her whole body. It seemed a thousand years later when she finally pulled into her own driveway. She was so tired she didn’t even see the little red Alfa Romeo parked at the side of the house. She just slipped out of the car, stood next to it for a minute, steadying herself and rubbing her calves, and then began to walk slowly and stiffly toward the front door.
“You look like you’re in great shape.” It was the deep, cynical voice of Felicia Norman, and Kate jumped a foot. “Hey, lady, take it easy. I’m a miserable midwife.” And then Kate looked up and laughed.
“You scared the hell out of me, Licia.”
“I’m surprised you’ve got enough energy left to be scared. What do you think you’re doing to yourself?” She took the basket out of her friend’s hand and they walked slowly toward the house.
“Never mind that. What are you doing down here early?”
“I decided I needed a vacation and you needed a guest.”
“A vacation?”
“Well, a long weekend. I took four days.” And she was glad she had come. Kate looked wiped out, and if that was what going up to see Tom did to her, maybe she could stop her from going for a while, or at least drive her up there. But this was lunacy.
“Do you realize what a miracle it is that you haven’t been fired yet, thanks to me?” But Kate was grinning. It was so good to see her.
“They’re just goddamn lucky I don’t quit. If we do one more show this month, I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.” And so would her assistant. In order to be with Kate, Felicia had foisted all the week’s shows onto her assistant again. That was going to cost her another Gucci bag, and a fat lunch at Trader Vic’s, but she had had this feeling … she had to come down to see Kate. And she was glad that she had. She shoved the picnic basket onto the kitchen counter and looked around. It really was a pleasant house. It had been a good choice. “So how’s Tom?”
“Fine. Happy. Nothing new.” Felicia nodded solemnly and sat down in a chair. Kate followed suit.
“You know, Licia, you look worse than I do, but then, you drove further. Want the leftover lemonade?”
Felicia made a horrible face. “Darling, I love you, but lemonade is not me. God, what a horrible thought.”
Kate looked at her with an apologetic smile. “I don’t have anything more interesting to offer you, I’m afraid.”
“The hell you don’t.” Felicia grinned wickedly and walked toward a cupboard with glee. “I left some vermouth and gin here last week. And I brought onions and olives.” She pulled the little jars out of her bag with a broad smile.
“You’d make a fabulous Girl Scout.”
“Wouldn’t I though?” She retrieved her bottles and mixed herself a professional-looking martini, as Kate sat up a little straighter in her chair. “Heartburn again?” Felicia knew the look on her face. She had been around enough to know all the looks, better than Kate herself did. Everything from heartburn to hysterics. And this looked like heartburn.
“I think I ate too many cherries at lunch. It feels more like indigestion than heartburn.” And cramps. Jesus, that was all she needed, a bellyache to go with her big belly. Poor baby, how could she have done that to him, and herself? Thinking of it made her giggle. “Maybe I just need a martini.” But they both knew she didn’t mean it. She hadn’t had a drink in months.
“Why don’t you go lie down? I’ll have a shower, and then I can throw some dinner together.” Felicia looked matter-of-fact and very much at home.
“You came down here to cook for me, yes?”
“Yes. Now go get out of your dress and lie down.”
“Yes, mother.”
She felt better though when she had. And after a shower, she felt wonderful. She could hear Felicia starting to rattle around the kitchen, and she stopped in the nursery for a minute, and there it was. Willie.
The same bear as Tom’s. She wondered how his Willie was doing just then, if Tom was holding it, loving it, or had already forgotten it. She touched the bear gently and then left the room.
“What are you up to?”
“Spaghetti okay with you?” It was one of three things Felicia could cook. The other two were fried eggs and steak. Kate nodded.
“Wonderful. Spaghetti ought to be worth another five pounds, but at this point, what the hell.”
They ate dinner by candlelight, looking at the view, and it was refreshing to have someone to talk to. Kate was growing too used to silence, and to seeing only Tom. She needed Felicia to add a little pepper to the cream soup of her life. Felicia added lots of it. Pepper supreme. She was in the midst of regaling Kate with the week’s gossip from the store—who was screwing whom, being promoted, getting fired, or had turned out to be a fag after all. But Kate wasn’t listening as intently or laughing as hard as she normally would have.
“What’s the matter, love? You look kind of green. My spaghetti?”
“No. I think it’s those goddamn cherries again.” It was that same gnawing, grinding feeling she’d had before dinner, only slightly worse.
“Cherries, my ass. You wore yourself out. Why don’t you lie down on the couch? Or do you want to go to bed?”
“I’m not really tired.” In fact, she felt jumpy, but she had felt like that before, just after seeing Tom. She lay down on the couch anyway, and then started to joke with Felicia again. “Maybe it is your lousy spaghetti.”
“Up yours, lady. I happen to make the best spaghetti in the West.”
Felicia concocted herself another martini and the two women bantered and laughed. But the indigestion grew worse rather than better.
“Maybe I’ll go to bed after all.”
“Okay. See ya.” Felicia grinned as Kate went off to her room. The dishes had already been done. Kate had meant to say something about being glad her friend was there, but she had told her so many times before that she was no longer sure how to say it.
Kate was asleep before nine o’clock, and Felicia tucked herself onto the couch with a book. She wasn’t tired and it had been a rough week at work. It was nice just to sit and unwind, nice to get away. She got engrossed in the novel and it was almost one o’clock when she heard Kate stirring in her room. She listened for a minute to be sure, and then she saw a gleam of light under the bedroom door.
“You okay?” Felicia was frowning as she called out But the voice came back quickly.
“Yeah.” She did sound all right.
“You still have that bellyache?”
“Uh huh.”
It was two minutes later when Kate came out of her room, and stood in the doorway in a long pink and white nightgown. She looked like a strangely swollen child, and on her face was a bright wide-eyed smile.
“Felicia …” The smile broadened.
“Yeah? What’s up?” Felicia didn’t know what to make of the look on Kate’s face. She looked ethereally happy, and Felicia had never seen her look like that before.
“I don’t think it’s a bellyache. I think maybe … it’s the baby.” Kate almost laughed. She felt elated. It was crazy—she was scared, and it was too soon, but she was excited. The baby! It was coming at last!
“You mean you’re having it?” Felicia suddenly looked gray.
Kate nodded. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Isn’t it early?”
Kate nodded again, but she didn’t look upset, “I think eight months is safe. And it’s been almost eight and a half.”
“Did you call the doctor?”
Kate nodded again solemnly, with a look of victory. She was going to do it. She was going to have the baby. Maybe tonight. She didn’t have to wait anymore. It was over! It was beginning! “He said to call him back in an hour, or if the pains got much harder.”
“You’re having pains?” Felicia squeezed the book in her lap and stared at her friend.
“I guess so. I thought it was just indigestion, but they keep getting stronger, and then every now and then …” And then, as though impatient with talking, she sat down suddenly and reached for Felicia’s hand. “Here, you can feel it.”
Without thinking, Felicia let Kate put her hand on the bloated belly. She could feel its hardness and tightness. It didn’t even feel like a belly. It felt like a wall, a floor, something that could be cracked open, not squeezed.
“My God, how awful. Does it hurt?”
Kate shook her head, with that same excited look in her eyes, but there was a thin veil of sweat on her forehead. “No, it doesn’t hurt. It just feels very, very tight.”
“Can I get you something, love?” Felicia’s hands were trembling and Kate laughed.
“No, and if you fall apart now, I’ll kick your ass. I’m glad you’re here.”
“So am I.” But she didn’t look it and Kate laughed again.
“Relax.”
“Yeah.” Felicia sighed deeply and sat back against the back of the couch. “I can handle almost any crisis. But babies have never been my thing. I’ve never been to one before, I mean … oh damn. I need a drink.” The unrufflable Felicia Norman was ruffling badly, and Kate was strangely calm. This was what she had waited nearly nine months for.
“You don’t need a drink, Licia. I need you.” That was a sobering thought and Felicia looked at her. Kate didn’t look as though she needed anyone.
“You mean it?”
“Yes.” Her voice was tight again, and Felicia watched her. She knew what it was now. “Another pain?”
Kate nodded, with a vague look, as though she were thinking of something else, and Felicia silently held out her hand. Kate took it and squeezed hard. The pains were starting to hurt.