I had officially lost my damn mind.
Anson was gay. He wasn’t attracted to women. He loved me. I trusted him.
Still, it’d felt as if my insides were slowly melting away as I’d watched him dance with Mia. As I’d watched them talk and move together.
So I’d done what any self-respecting adult man would do. I ran. Well, not really. I left to go pout by myself.
I would be lucky if someone didn’t call the cops on me as I sat in the shadows outside Anson’s house. It was dark, and he lived at the end of the street. Plus, there was the fence around the house, one I still had the code for and used, so it was unlikely anyone would see me, but as I sat there, I wondered if this was how it would always be…until he walked away.
Headlights glowed in the distance, and I watched as they got closer and closer, the movement eventually turning into the driveway. The gate opened, but I continued to sit there in the dark. I only stood and stepped out of my hiding place when Anson reached the porch and I was sure it was him. His bow tie was still fastened neatly, while I’d taken mine off and unbuttoned the top buttons on my shirt. I held my bag in my hand. “Hey.”
Anson stood there for a moment, seconds ticked by, and then, without replying, he pushed me against the door, my body pressed tightly between him and the wood, just before his mouth slammed down on mine.
It was a bruising kiss, a punishing, possessive one. I returned it, dropping my bag and grabbing him, my hands on his ass, up his back, and back down to his ass again as I jerked him closer to me. Anson growled and rutted his already hard cock against me as he took my mouth like it was his last meal, like it was the last time he would have me and he wanted my taste and the feel of my body imprinted on him.
Fuck, it was so goddamn hot when he took control like that, but the thing was, I liked control too, so I tightened my hold around him, flipped us so his back was to the door, and thrust against him while I kissed the hell out of him.
“Let us in.” My lips ghosted next to his ear and then down his neck. “Can I?” My tongue flicked at the skin of his throat.
Knowing exactly what I was asking, he said, “Yes. God yes.”
I tugged at his bow tie, ripped open the first few buttons on his shirt, then bit into his neck and sucked the skin into my mouth.
“Oh fuck,” he moaned, hands tight on my hips as he nearly dissolved into the door. I didn’t pull off right away, though. I kept sucking, wanting the darkest mark I’d ever put on him there, claiming what was mine. Of course, it was low enough he could cover it with a shirt, but still.
Anson cried out when I pulled back, the purple mark already forming on his skin. “Jesus, do you know how hard it gets me? Knowing you like the evidence of me on your body?”
“Do it again,” he begged.
“Open the door first, Bashful. I don’t want to risk you getting caught.” I pressed a soft kiss to where I’d just marked him.
“I…yeah, okay. Shit, you’re right. I just, I needed you so fucking bad, I couldn’t hold back.”
“Me too.”
Anson turned and gave me his back as he fumbled with his keys. I didn’t give him much space, my cock now against his ass, my lips on the back of his neck, kissing and sucking on his skin, his earlobe, whatever I could reach.
When I looked down, I saw his hands were shaking as he tried to get the key into the lock.
“Shh. It’s just us.”
He took a deep, shaky breath, then managed to open the door. We stumbled inside, and I tossed my bag down and pushed the door closed behind us.
Without warning, Anson was on me again, kissing me roughly, shoving his tongue into my mouth, ripping my shirt open as he walked backward, pulling me along with him.
He buried his face in my neck. “I hated seeing his hands on you.” Then it was Anson biting me, marking me, my flesh throbbing as he sucked and his hands bruised my hips.
“You think it was easy on me? You want to want her. You want that perfect fucking hetero life with two point five kids. It fucking killed me to see you with Mia, to watch you and know how much simpler your life would be with her, to know if you could, you’d choose that life.”
“West,” he said, his voice broken, his eyes watery, pained.
I stopped whatever he was about to say with my mouth, taking what I wanted, what Anson was so willing to give me. This time, I was leading him, but I literally didn’t know where I was going. He was my boyfriend, and I didn’t know my way around his house since I’d only been there once. We ended up in the kitchen.
I ripped open his shirt, buttons flying, and shoved it along with his suit jacket off his shoulders. “Do you know how badly I wanted to claim you tonight? I wanted the privilege of being on your arm so the whole damn world knew you belonged to me.”
“I do. I don’t want her. I don’t want anyone but you.”
We were kissing again after that, Anson’s hands greedy for skin, jerking at my shirt until it was on the floor.
“I want you all over me.” Anson was backed against the center island, his eyes ablaze.
“Say it again.”
Somehow he knew exactly what I meant, and as I sucked another bruise on him, this one on his left pec, he growled out, “You’re mine. I’m yours. I don’t want anyone else. I want you.”
Anson fisted his hand in my hair and pushed my head as if I wasn’t biting hard enough. I released the spot, and he let out a sharp breath right before I did it again and again and again, coloring his chest with proof that he belonged to me.
He shoved his other hand between us, cupped me, and rubbed my aching cock through my clothes before letting go of my hair so he could work my pants open.
Our mouths met again in wet, hungry, possessive kisses while I opened his slacks, and then we were tugging each other’s down and fighting to get out of our shoes. We stood there together, naked in his kitchen, similar to the first time I’d had him in mine.
Anson cupped my face. This time when he moved in, he was gentle, pressing soft kisses to my mouth, licking at my lips. “I wanted you. Wanted to dance with you. Wanted you on my arm. Wanted to burn the motherfucking world down because I don’t have the guts to make that happen.”
“It’s not about guts, Bashful.”
“I hated seeing him touch you. Knowing you’d…”
“I’m yours now.” We kissed again, thrusting slowly and gently against each other. God, I loved him. I hadn’t known it was possible to feel this much. I should hate it, but I didn’t because it was him. “Are you going to fuck me with this big cock of yours or what?”
That was all it took for us to become frantic again, like we had jolts of electricity shooting through us, all jerky movements and eager hands and mouths.
Anson flipped me around, turning me so I was against the counter, my back to his chest as he rubbed his cock up and down the crease of my ass.
“Fuck me,” I ordered. “I want you right now, want you to take my ass in your kitchen because I bet you haven’t fucked anyone here. I like making you get dirty and lose yourself with me.”
“Jesus Christ,” Anson gritted out, forehead against my shoulders. “Fuck yes. Lube. I need lube.”
“Use oil.” He had bottles of it on the counter.
“Shit. Good thinking.”
Anson grabbed a bottle, almost dropped it, but then held tight, opened it, slicked his fingers, and shoved me down so I bent over the counter. His fingers pressed eagerly between my ass cheeks, heading straight for my hole and making my eyes roll back.
“God, I love doing this to you. I would live inside you if I could.”
I could tell he was working two fingers inside me, pumping them, twisting them while he kissed my shoulders.
“You are so beautiful.” Kiss. “I love how your shoulders move and tighten.” His mouth pressed against me. “I love how hard you are—nothing but sharp edges, muscle, and firmness.” Lips on skin again. “I love sucking your cock. It’s one of my favorite things. When I’m not with you, I get myself off thinking about being on my knees for you, baby.”
He shoved his fingers deeper, moving them just right so he could rub my prostate. “Fuck.” I squeezed my hands into fists, felt my nails digging into my own flesh.
“I love how deep your voice is. Like it when your stubble rubs against me. Your balls are also really fun to play with.”
I couldn’t help it, that made me laugh, but then he bit into me the way he liked me to do to him, and I almost fucking disintegrated.
“I know it’s not enough. I know my head is fucked up and I need to get my shit together. I know this is all on me—that I’m the only one who can change it—but don’t ever think I want anyone other than you. Before you, I wished I was someone else, wished I wanted women, but wanting them would mean losing you, and I could never want that. You’ve changed me, West.”
I leaned up enough so I could turn my head, wrap my arm up behind myself and around him to pull our mouths together. Anson took possession of the kiss, nibbling my lips, sucking my tongue, fucking my mouth as his fingers eased out and he rubbed his dick along my crease.
“Seeing you with Brandon tonight, all I could think was, he’s mine .”
“Fuck yes. Why don’t you take what’s yours, then?”
He pulled back and slicked oil onto his cock. I bent back over, spreading my legs. Anson pushed at me with his crown, then said, “Shit…condom.”
“I’m negative,” I told him. “I get tested regularly, and I take PrEP. I haven’t been with anyone but you since the fall, and I always used condoms with other people.”
“I’m negative too. We have physicals and tests done.”
“Take me.”
He pushed inside me in one swift thrust. We both cried out together, and then his hands were on my hips and he was rutting into me like he was possessed, like he really was trying to own me. I took it, pushed back against him, wanted his cock so fucking deep, where no one else had touched me.
“Oh God… So good, baby. I’ve never… You don’t know… There’s nothing like being inside you.”
I loved that he could hardly finish a sentence.
Anson alternated fast and slow, slamming into me, then taking me softly with long, languid strokes of his cock inside me, his lips on my neck, his forehead on my shoulder, kissing, mumbling about how good I felt and how I belonged to him. And I did. I so fucking did.
When Anson wrapped an arm around me and began jerking my cock with his oil-slicked hand, his thrusts becoming sharper and more frantic, I knew he was close.
I was aching, my own orgasm building in my balls.
“There’s nothing like this. I can’t wait to fill you with my load.”
And that was all it took. His words made me come, made me shoot my release all over his hand and the counter, made me dizzy, my vision blurring.
“Holy fuck.” Anson thrust again, and then his cock jerked inside me, the hot spurt of his come filling me the way we both wanted.
We stayed there for a moment, breathing heavily, my chest on the counter and Anson leaning over me. He kissed my shoulders and neck over and over. I’d never been with a man who liked simple kisses as much as he did.
Anson said, “I love you so fucking much, I ache with it. I don’t know how I’ll ever survive it. Is it supposed to feel this way?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “But that’s how it feels for me too.”
He kissed me again, then stepped back. We were silent as we gathered our clothes and Anson led me to his room. We took a shower together, then climbed into his bed. He clung to me like he always did, like he couldn’t get close enough or I couldn’t hold him tight enough, his face in my neck and a leg slung over me.
“Mia knows,” he said softly, and my heart stopped. Had it been me? Had I been too obvious?
“Knows what?” I wanted to be sure.
“About me. About us.”
My heart picked up again, this time slamming against my chest, and I smiled. “You told her?”
“Well, not exactly. She saw how we were looking at each other. She put that together with the fact that I don’t date and I’m rarely with women, and figured it out. But she knows, and I didn’t deny it, didn’t deny us. And it felt good. It was okay. She was okay.”
“I’m proud of you.” I kissed the top of his head, meaning what I’d said.
“She understands the worry with football, ya know? She thinks we’re being smart, even though it sucks.” The smile slid off my face, loneliness filling my chest. I shouldn’t feel that way. I understood, but I couldn’t deny it stung. “It feels so good that someone who’s important to me knows.”
When I didn’t answer right away, Anson pushed up onto his elbows. “Did I say something wrong?”
I shook my head. “No, Bashful, you didn’t.”
We were quiet, my hand stroking up and down his arm, and then he said, “It’ll get easier, right? The distance? The secret?”
No, I didn’t think it would. It would get harder. Still, I lied and said, “Yeah, I’m sure it will.”
Because I had a feeling, if it came down to it, if Anson really thought he was going to lose me, he might come out. And if he did, he would regret it. He would resent me. I couldn’t be the reason he might lose his career or have problems with his family. Knowing that didn’t make it easier to deal with, though.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.”