41 #TheWire

‘Lieutenant Haye? This is Detective Chief Inspector Crosbie from Police Scotland. How are things in Bawlmore? Send any vics down the chop shop this morning?’ Crosbie said, using a mixture of local dialect for Baltimore and police jargon he’d picked up from watching all five series of The Wire back to back.

Haye frowned, wondering what sort of fruit-loop had been assigned as his liaison officer. He decided to play him at his own game. ‘No vics this morning for me. What about you, detective? Any running battles with English garrisons today?’

Crosbie laughed. ‘A Braveheart fan, huh? That has to be the best Scottish film ever made by an Aussie, written by an American and shot in Ireland,’ he said, before descending into raucous laughter at his own lame joke.

Haye was tired and now finding the conversation irksome. ‘Hilarious, detective. Okay, let’s move on from kilt-wearing freedom fighters and TV cop shows, if we may. The day Bryce Horrigan died his iPhone received hundreds of calls, as you can imagine. All of them were accounted for as they were in his phone’s contacts. But two numbers weren’t. One was a Scottish reporter, Connor Presley…’

Crosbie cut off his US counterpart. ‘Ah, Elvis. He’s in your neck of the woods right now, I believe.’

‘Correct,’ Haye said, not welcoming the interruption, ‘but the other was a UK number from persons unknown. It’s a cell. We’ve tried calling it, but it’s dead now.’

‘Ah, a ten-seven, as you Yanks would say,’ Crosbie said, clearly enjoying himself.

‘Indeed, detective. A ten-seven does mean “out of service”.’ Crosbie was now starting to really piss off Haye. ‘My captain would like you to try to trace the caller, if that’s okay?’

‘Easy peasy. Your wish is my command. When I find them, do you want me to snap on the “silver bracelets”? What if they’ve been “aced” already? Will I wait for the medical examiner to “roll them”?’ asked Crosbie, now in full swing.

‘Goodbye, detective,’ Haye replied, slamming the phone down. The lieutenant shook his head and stared at the receiver. ‘That sonofabitch is crazy.’