Edwina Campbell was in a dreamy state of wake-sleep when Jarrod’s phone beeped.
‘Ignore it,’ she said, as she tried to pull him towards her. She nibbled his ear and tickled him, playfully fighting to stop him from reaching for his phone. He resisted all her efforts, even when she wrapped her legs around him and nuzzled his neck.
His phone beeped again and he rolled away out of her reach, grabbing it from the bedside table. He read it with a frown. ‘Sorry, Eddie. Looks like I’ll have to leave a few hours earlier than planned.’
Eddie checked the time on the clock on her side of the bed. It was only ten and Jarrod wasn’t supposed to be going until that evening, after dinner. Every single time, she thought, as all her plans for a day spent together flew out the window. Jarrod’s job always came first.
‘Was that Lauren again?’ Eddie tried to keep the irritation from her voice, but Jarrod was distracted and didn’t hear her. He was already out of bed and across the room, standing naked in front of the wardrobe as he pulled clothes out to pack.
Eddie jumped from the bed and followed him as he moved into the bathroom. ‘That woman needs to get a life,’ she muttered.
Or a man. Or a dog. Or something. Jarrod’s boss worked twenty-four seven and presumed everyone else did the same. Eddie had never met Lauren, but she knew her type.
‘She needs to see me before she flies out to the States tonight,’ Jarrod explained as he stepped into the shower, still talking. ‘She wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t so important. If she wins this account it will mean big dollars for the company, which means a promotion for me with a pay rise. A very healthy pay rise.’ He grinned. ‘You going to join me?’ he asked as he lathered shampoo into his hair.
‘Not now. I’ll have a shower later.’
She left the bathroom before he had any ideas of dragging her under the water with him.
Sometimes Eddie wondered if she’d ever understand men. She hadn’t had her first real romance until second year at university. Unlike most of her friends, who went from one partner to the next, she yearned for the real thing, like her grandparents had. She’d refused to be another notch in some bloke’s belt and because of that her relationship know-how was limited.
Her first boyfriend, Sam, was shy and as inexperienced as her, and although their initial sexual encounter was sweet, the relationship fizzled after a year or so and they drifted apart. Last she’d heard he was married with a couple of kids living in Darwin.
Her second relationship was the total opposite. Where Sam was laidback and never expected anything of her, Greg was as tense as a tightly wound clock. After six toe-curling, passion-filled months, Eddie called it quits, unable to cope with his high-maintenance demands on her time and energy. Greg was never content to sit at home and chill out, often berating her for choosing to curl up on the couch with a good book over going out for drinks. They compromised to a point, but in the end they were both unhappy. She hadn’t seen or heard of him since they broke up.
After Greg she went out with a few different men, but she wasn’t remotely serious about any of them, until Jarrod. She’d met him two years earlier when he’d shown up at her local pub with a group of friends who’d come up from Melbourne for the weekend for a buck’s party. At first she was attracted to him because of his looks, then when he started talking about what he did for a job, his fervour sparked her interest further. His job had something to do with stocks and international share markets and money, and although she didn’t really grasp what his actual role was, she was attracted to his drive, dedication and desire to succeed. Things she valued in a man. Plus, he was safe and sensible. Her best friend Aimee described her romance with Jarrod as akin to riding in an expensive sports car but with the top always up.
At the end of the night he’d asked for her phone number. Two days later he’d called, and the following weekend he visited again. Before Eddie knew it, they were sharing a bed and she was planning her future with him.
She smiled at the memory of those early days when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. A sudden thought tightened her cheeks. When was the last time they’d actually had sex?
Jarrod appeared a few minutes later, one towel tucked around his waist, while he towelled his hair with another as he continued talking about what Lauren was going to be doing in the States and why it was so important to the growth of the company and therefore what that meant for Jarrod’s career. Eddie zoned out, nodding and hmm-hmm-ing at the appropriate times when there were breaks in his monologue.
‘Does all this mean you won’t have to travel as much?’ she asked as she watched him button up his shirt.
The firm’s head office was in San Francisco, and though Jarrod worked in the Melbourne office, he was required to travel a lot. Because of that, they only saw each other every second or third weekend, depending on Eddie’s roster at the hospital and his work commitments. She went to Melbourne occasionally to stay with him in his Southbank apartment, but she hated driving in the city and usually asked him to visit her instead, even if that meant they sometimes went weeks or longer without seeing each other. They’d managed to make the time and distance between them work.
‘No. It will mean more travel.’ He stepped into his jeans and zipped them up with a flourish. ‘Which is why I’ve said yes to a new role.’ He stood and grinned at her. ‘At the head office.’
It took Eddie a moment to register what he’d said.
He was moving to America? Was he nuts? Surely he didn’t expect her to move to the other side of the world for his job! At least not without asking her first. She froze: was he saying he was going without her? Surely not. This wasn’t his way of breaking up with her, was it? Her mouth opened but nothing came out.
Jarrod kept talking, not noticing she was struggling for air. ‘The way it’s looking, I’m going to be one of the senior accounts managers before I’m forty. This is the perfect opportunity for me.’
She scooped up his discarded towels and hung them up while figuring out what to say.
When she didn’t reply he sank onto the bed and stared up at her. ‘Aren’t you excited?’
She dredged a smile from somewhere deep within while her brain scrambled for the right words. ‘Sure. It’s great. I guess. I mean you’ve worked so hard for this. But I didn’t know you were planning to move overseas.’ She moistened her lips. ‘What does that mean for us?’
He stared at her then burst out laughing. ‘Eddie, darling, it means everything for us. It’s not like I’m going on my own. Of course you’re coming too. It’s going to be great – an adventure of a lifetime.’ He held out his arms. ‘Come here. You look like I’ve just announced I’m walking out on you.’
That’s what it feels like. She allowed him to pull her down onto his lap. ‘When’s all this supposed to happen?’ she asked.
‘I’ll need to go over in the next week or so and find us a house, but I’ll be back in time for Christmas and I don’t start the new job until mid-February. That gives you plenty of time to sort things out here.’
She frowned. ‘Sort what things out?’
He shrugged. ‘Renting out your house. Quitting your job. Saying goodbye to your grandparents.’
A bubble of anger rose in her chest and she wriggled from his grasp. How dare he write off her life as something to be ‘sorted’ in a couple of months? She didn’t expect him to ask her permission for every decision he made, but thinking she’d be content to give up everything and move overseas without at least asking her opinion? That was a huge omission. Didn’t he know how much being a nurse meant to her? And her grandparents. He knew she couldn’t leave them.
Eddie stood and stared down at him.
Imploring eyes met hers. ‘C’mon, Eddie, trust me, it will all work out. I’ve got it all planned. The company will cover all our moving costs and the price of real estate over there is crazy. We can buy a massive house – start a new life. Once you’re there, you’ll love it, I promise. And besides, on what I’ll be earning, you won’t have to work. You can be a lady of leisure, like Mum.’ He continued speaking, oblivious to her slack jaw. ‘You can have all the clothes you could ever want. Get your hair and nails done. Have long lunches with your new girlfriends.’
Eddie groped for the right words and gave up the struggle. How could Jarrod possibly think she’d be excited about clothes and nails and long lunches? Didn’t he know her? And becoming a lady of leisure? Pfft. What century was he from? Apart from the fact she loved her job, the idea of not working made her stomach turn. She’d met his mother.
‘You could even take up golf.’
Eddie’s mouth fell open further. She’d played a round of golf once and despised it. They’d joked about it for weeks. How could he have forgotten?
‘When were you going to talk to me about all this?’ she asked.
‘I was going to tell you tonight at dinner.’
An uncomfortable feeling settled over her. This was so typical of Jarrod. He always assumed he could tell her what they were doing and she’d go along with whatever he wanted. And as always, he was too self-absorbed to register her lack of enthusiasm. Or the fact she hadn’t even said yes.
He placed the last of his clothes into his overnight bag and zipped it up. She caught him glancing at his watch. Jeez, no need to make it so obvious. Clearly, his mind was already halfway to Melbourne. Or America.
‘We can discuss all the details later, okay?’ His eyes went to his watch again before meeting her gaze. ‘Sorry, darling. I really have to go.’
‘What happens if I don’t want to go?’ Eddie mumbled, following him out the front door.
At first she didn’t think he’d heard her, but an unreadable expression flickered across his face before it was gone. Without a word he aimed his keys at his car and the doors unlocked with a beep-beep. After tossing his bag in the boot he returned to her side and pulled her close.
‘I know this is big news and a lot to take in, Eddie, and I’m sorry, the timing of me telling you sucked. Like I said, I wanted to explain it to you over dinner tonight, but I don’t want to keep Lauren waiting for me.’ He planted a kiss on her cheek. ‘I’ll give you a few days to get your head around everything and I promise you’ll come around and realise it’s a great idea. Look, I’d better fly. I’ll call you later, okay?’ He settled behind the wheel and pulled his seatbelt across his shoulder. Eddie waited while he started the car and wound down the window. ‘I promise you, this is going to be the best decision of our lives.’
With a wave and a shouted ‘I love you’ he took off without a backward glance.
Eddie stood and stared after him until there was no sign of his car, just a plume of red dust in his wake. ‘Love you too,’ she replied automatically before turning and going back inside.
With a tight chest and her mind in turmoil, Eddie closed the front door and went into work mode. She stripped the bed, tossed the dirty sheets in the washing machine and re-made the bed with a fresh set. After opening up all the windows in the cottage, she straightened the magazines on the coffee table and ensured everything was immaculate, the way she liked things to be. When there was nothing else to do, she made herself a cup of tea and crossed over to the large picture window with its views over the valley. Staring at the familiar farmland she had the strangest sense everything was slipping away from her. A vague sadness and a feeling of nothingness laced itself with the confusion over Jarrod’s news.
They’d never discussed getting married, settling down and starting a family, but that hadn’t stopped Eddie from dreaming. Or hinting. She’d secretly hoped for a Christmas Eve proposal, but if Jarrod was planning to move to the other side of the globe with no mention of formalising their relationship first, she was evidently way off the mark expecting marriage to be on his agenda. Or was he planning a surprise proposal? She shook her head. No. He knew she didn’t like surprises. Another reason why she couldn’t believe the bombshell he’d just delivered.
She tried to dislodge the feeling of annoyance over his presumption that she’d just drop everything and leave everyone she loved without at least having a conversation about it first, but it wouldn’t budge. Surely he knew there was no way she could go to America with him. She couldn’t leave Yallambah, at least not while her grandparents were alive. She rubbed at her bare arms.
How was she going to make him understand she didn’t want to go?
*
Eddie’s phone rang as she was hanging the last of the washing on the line. She balanced the phone between her shoulder and ear.
‘Hey, Aimz.’
Aimee Connor had been her best friend since the first day of primary school when they’d found themselves seated beside each other for no other reason than Aimee’s name came directly after hers on the roll.
She and Aimee were polar opposites in looks and personalities, but shared many similarities. Both born and raised in Yallambah, they’d moved to Wodonga to study nursing, returning home when university finished – Aimee to marry Angus, a gorgeous guy she’d met at university, and to have her first baby, quickly followed by two more.
Eddie took a job at the hospital in the nearby town of Beechworth and had never left. Was that really fifteen years ago? Since then she’d worked her way up from graduate nurse to the role of nurse in charge. It was a job she loved and was good at.
‘What are you up to?’ Aimee asked.
‘I just finished cleaning the cottage.’
‘What’s Jarrod doing?’
‘He left a couple of hours ago.’
‘I thought he was staying until tonight.’ There was unmistakable disapproval in her friend’s tone. In their entire friendship, they’d never had an argument. Except about Jarrod.
‘He had to go back to Melbourne,’ Eddie said. She’d tell Aimee about the whole America thing, but not over the phone.
‘You got time for lunch?’ Aimee asked, sensing Eddie needed to talk.
‘Usual place?’
‘Of course.’
‘I’ll meet you there in fifteen.’
*
Twenty minutes later Eddie sat opposite Aimee in their usual cafe, Bean There. There were two cafes to pick from in Yallambah but this was their favourite. As always, they’d chosen a table out the back in the courtyard where sparrows sang and darted around them, in and out of the trees, searching for dropped crumbs on the concrete pavers. Eddie stretched her legs in front of her, toed off her shoes and rolled her pants up to her knees. She’d take any chance for some extra vitamin D. Aimee opted for a spot in the shade.
By the time they’d ordered lunch and she’d caught up on the news of Aimee’s kids, Joshua, Grace and Nash, Eddie was already having second thoughts about her hasty dismissal of Jarrod’s plans. Maybe moving to America was a good idea. Everyone said change was as good as a holiday. And she couldn’t remember the last time she’d had one of those. Would it be better to suggest he go over and give it a try first? Just until he was certain it was all going to work out? He could go, rent a house, get settled into the new job and she could join him later. They’d done long distance for most of their relationship – what would a few more months apart matter? If she chose to join him, it didn’t have to be forever. If she hated it, surely he’d agree to come home. But that didn’t solve the issue of her grandparents. Or her job. Could she take long service leave?
‘So why did Jarrod go back to Melbourne so early?’ Aimee asked, interrupting the conflicting thoughts swirling around in Eddie’s head.
‘Work.’
Aimee rolled her eyes. ‘Of course.’ It wasn’t the first time Aimee had criticised Jarrod for putting his work ahead of his relationship with Eddie.
‘He’s talking of moving overseas,’ Eddie said, watching Aimee closely for a reaction. Nothing. ‘To America,’ she added.
Aimee didn’t skip a beat. ‘Good riddance.’
‘Aimee!’
‘What?’ Aimee lifted a shoulder.
‘He wants me to go, too.’
‘What? You’re kidding me. No!’ Aimee leaned forward on her elbows, causing the table to wobble briefly on the uneven surface. Pushing her sunglasses to the top of her head, she stared at Eddie with her best lecturing expression. ‘You cannot go to America.’
Eddie slumped back in her seat. ‘That’s what I thought as soon as he told me, but now I’m not sure.’
‘What do you mean you’re not sure? It’s a no-brainer. You can’t leave Yallambah.’ Aimee narrowed her gaze. ‘And when is he leaving?’
‘At the start of the year.’
Aimee’s eyes popped open. ‘How long have you known about this?’
‘Since this morning.’
‘This morning?!’ Aimee sat back in her chair and huffed out a breath. ‘He wants you to give up everything and move to America and this is the first you’ve heard about it?’
Eddie nodded.
‘That’s a rather big decision to make without discussing it with you first, don’t you agree?’ Sarcasm dripped from every word.
‘I know, but –’
Aimee cut her off with a glare. ‘No. No. Don’t stick up for him again. If Gus wanted to pack up and move overseas for his job, we’d talk about it together. You know, the way couples are supposed to.’
‘I know you’re right –’
‘Did you tell him you don’t want to go?’ Aimee interrupted again.
‘Not really. I tried, but I didn’t have a chance.’ Eddie rolled her shoulders to try to ease the tension that had settled on them.
Sophie, the waitress, brought their drinks and lunch orders over and stopped for a quick chat. After she’d gone, Eddie took her time breaking her sugar stick in half and pouring it into her coffee. Stirring slowly, she avoided Aimee’s eyes. When she looked up, Aimee was studying her intently.
‘You’re not seriously considering this, are you?’ Aimee asked.
Eddie screwed up her nose. She had never felt so conflicted in her life. She loved Jarrod, but she loved her life in Yallambah too. Everything was here – her house, her job, her friends. Her grandparents. And he knew that. ‘I don’t know.’ She shrugged. ‘He reckons it’s an awesome opportunity.’
‘For him.’
Eddie dipped her head and didn’t reply. The truth was, Aimee was right. While it might be Jarrod’s perfect career move, there was nothing in it for her. It was unlikely she’d get work as a nurse in the States and when she pictured spending her days the way he’d described – being a lady who lunched – it made her shudder. Still, relationships were all about compromise.
‘This is his dream job though, Aimz.’
Aimee’s eyes flashed. ‘What about your dreams? Has he ever asked you what they are?’
Eddie fiddled with a broken fingernail. ‘I’m not sure I know myself anymore.’
‘They haven’t changed for as long as I’ve known you. You want to get married, have babies, be the best nurse you can be and help the community.’
Eddie shrugged. ‘They’re hardly earth-shattering, world-changing dreams.’
‘Rubbish. You have to stop selling yourself short. You want to make a difference in people’s lives and that’s what you do. In my opinion, for what it’s worth, it’s time you realised that what you want and what Jarrod wants might be two different things.’
‘So you’re saying I shouldn’t go?’
‘I can’t tell you what to do. But neither can Jarrod. Honestly, Ed, stop asking “how high” when a guy tells you to jump.’
Maybe Aimee was right. If she was being totally honest with herself, she had noticed a growing distance between them, even before Jarrod’s shock announcement that morning. She’d ignored the doubts though and told herself she was imagining things. Now, Jarrod’s decision to take a new job and move to America without consulting her first brought things to a head. She couldn’t ignore it any longer. Things between them weren’t quite right.
Aimee’s knife and fork clattered against her plate. She stared at Eddie. ‘What about Frank and Daisy? Have you told them?’
After Eddie’s mum died when Eddie was eight, her grandparents had raised her. She adored them and there was no way she would ever leave. Or could leave, she quickly corrected herself. They needed her.
She shook her head. ‘No, I haven’t told them.’
Aimee leaned forward and dropped her voice. ‘Be honest with yourself, Eddie. Is this what you want?’
Eddie met her friend’s gaze. ‘No.’ It was barely a whisper but the moment the word fell from her lips, Eddie felt instant relief. She gave up on her fingernail and picked up a paper napkin. She twisted it around one finger. ‘But what do I tell Jarrod?’
Aimee sat back and stared at her. ‘Um, the truth? Tell him you don’t want to move to America. Tell him you can’t.’
Eddie’s stomach clenched. The people-pleaser side of her wasn’t a fan of conflict. ‘If I say no, am I kissing our relationship goodbye? This job means so much to him. He won’t be happy if I say I don’t want to go.’
‘He can get over it. If I were you I wouldn’t be happy with him making plans for your future without asking what you want first,’ Aimee said.
Eddie swallowed her sigh. ‘I know you’re right, but I love him.’
‘I think you love the idea of being in love. Maybe Jarrod’s not the one for you, Eddie. I’ve told you this before. You need someone who will make you laugh. Someone who wants to share everything with you: fears, hopes, dreams. You need someone who wants an equal partner on the stage, not someone who just wants you to play the supporting role to his lead.’
‘Are you suggesting I break it off with him and let him go without me?’
‘I’m not telling you what to do.’ Aimee leaned closer. ‘But can I say something?’
Eddie nodded. ‘Of course. You can say anything. You know that.’
‘This might be hard for you to hear, but you’ve changed since you’ve been with Jarrod.’
The hair on the back of Eddie’s neck bristled. Her grandparents had recently said the same thing. ‘That’s because relationships are all about compromise. I think that’s something you told me,’ she said.
‘Compromise is one thing. Losing yourself and giving in is another. Besides, compromise goes both ways. It’s about meeting halfway. What exactly is Jarrod compromising in all of this? From where I sit, nothing. It’s not like he’s about to give up his cushy city life in Melbourne and move here to be with you. You know that’s never been on his agenda.’
‘You’re only saying all this because you don’t like him,’ Eddie retorted.
Aimee lifted a shoulder. ‘I’ve never made any secret about my feelings for Jarrod. All I’m saying, Ed, is before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone or moving to the other side of the world because that’s what he wants, make sure it’s what you want. And . . .’ She touched Eddie’s arm. ‘Make sure he’s what you want too.’
Eddie’s throat thickened and sudden tears pricked at her eyes. She hastily blinked them away. ‘What I want is what you have. Marriage and kids and this.’ She spread her arms wide, indicating the cafe filled with locals – the people she knew and loved. She bit her lip. She’d always felt envious watching Gus and Aimee – the little touches they gave each other, the smiles full of hidden understanding. After years of marriage they were still madly in love. She wanted that with Jarrod. ‘For as long as I can remember I’ve been ready for marriage and clucky for kids.’
She was thirty-five; people didn’t have to say anything, but Eddie knew what they were thinking. She ignored the burning in the back of her throat and the knowledge that Jarrod had never shown any interest in marriage and kids. He held babies in front of him like he was holding a football with no idea what to do with it. ‘Time is ticking, Aimz.’
Aimee gave her a wan smile. ‘And Jarrod knows all this.’
Eddie hung her head and sniffed. ‘He knows.’ She lifted her head and locked eyes with Aimee. ‘How do I know whether or not he’s The One?’
Aimee’s expression softened. ‘If you have to ask me that, then you already have your answer.’