Chapter Nineteen

What Will Everyone Think?

I strode nervously up the brick-lined path to Natalie’s door and rang the doorbell. A girl in pigtails and jeans opened the door.

“Is Natalie home?”

“Just a minute,” she said and walked over to the staircase. “Natalie! You have a visitor!” she shouted then stood aside watching.

Natalie came down and stared at me. I could see in her sharp eyes that she understood in a moment why I was there, though she pretended not to. Natalie doesn’t miss a trick; her brain is so fast. She didn’t look pleased.

“Hi,” I said.

“Wolnak.” She came forward and put her mouth close to my ear, her long blond hair brushing my cheek. “What the fuck are you doing here?” She straightened up and addressed the pigtailed girl. “This is my friend from home, Sophie.”

The girl said, “Hi.”

Natalie smiled nervously. “Come on up to my room.”

I followed her up the staircase. “I have a roommate,” said Natalie. “She’s not here right now.” We sat down on Natalie’s bed, covered in the bright red-and-yellow quilt I remembered from her room at home.

“You could at least pretend to be happy to see me,” I said tersely.

“I’m surprised, that’s all. What’s going on? What are you doing here?”

I sighed. “Well, you remember the incident on the beach at Montpellier?”

“You’re pregnant.”

“Yeah, and I didn’t know where else to go.”

“Jesus, Wolnak. I’m just getting settled in! It’s not that I wouldn’t be glad to see you normally.” She stared at me with large frightened eyes. She was twisting a lock of hair between her fingers. During our travels in Scotland we had stopped using last names, but now Natalie had started it again. “What the hell is everyone going to think?”

I let out my breath. “They’ll think you have a friend staying for a few days, Cummings,” I said, emphasizing the name. “Is that against the rules?”

“Yes, actually. But people do have friends over. They just don’t tell the matron. There’s a girl who’s away for a week. She had to go to a funeral in Scotland. You can have her room. So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to have an abortion.”

“I don’t believe in abortion.”

“You don’t? But you’re into women’s lib.”

“So? I just think it’s wrong.”

“Well, it’s right for me. I couldn’t handle a pregnancy, not like this, not now. I was going to ask you to lend me the money.”

“I can’t help you. I can’t do it,” she said firmly.

“It’s just that there’s been a strike in France and I didn’t get my first check in the mail. You remember Mom and Dad are sending me my money every month?”

“Yeah. So, why didn’t you call them?”

I was silent for a moment. “I don’t want them to know.”

Natalie smiled for the first time. “They’ll freak out, right?”

“Right.” I smiled, too. It was funny in an awful way.

“You have to tell them, Sophie. They’re your parents.”

“But I’m an adult.”

“Are you? Well, I’m not lending you the money, so you have to call them. You should have done it right away. They can wire you the money. If you’d called from France, you could have just said you didn’t get the check. Now they’re going to wonder why you’re calling from England. Now you’ll have to tell them.”

“I know. But I didn’t want to wait in Montpellier until the banks opened tomorrow. I couldn’t just sit there waiting. I wanted to already be here. I’ll call them and have them wire the money, like you said. I’m sorry, Natalie. I’m sorry to get you involved in this, but you’re my friend. Remember what you said that first night in London?”

“We’re all we’ve got?” She smiled wanly at the memory.

“Right. You’re my friend and you’re all I’ve got.”

“Yes, but Sophie, you could have the baby and give it up. You have to accept the consequences of your actions,” she said.

“Fuck that!” I cried, tired of her criticism. “I was raped!”

“Look, I know. Sorry. I just can’t help but think about you and Jade, traveling alone like that. Didn’t you think something might happen?”

“No,” I gritted my teeth.

“Look, Sophie, I said you can stay here. But I don’t want to hear about the abortion. You just do what you have to do and leave me out of it.”

“Fine,” I said. “Thanks,” I added. At least we were back to first names.

“So,” Natalie said, her mouth curving up, “how’d it go with your French girlfriend?”

“Oh,” I brightened a bit. “Great. It was weird the first night, though. She wasn’t even there. She had to travel for her job. But her friend let me in and I stayed there by myself. We’d only met twice before that, you know. I could have robbed the place.”

“You have an innocent face. So did you get it on?”

I laughed, a little shocked. “No! I went to my cousins’ farm the next day. And Geneviève called there and my cousins figured it out. They gave me a hard time but they were okay about it.”

“Yeah, and…?”

“Oh, Natalie, we had the most romantic date ever. We had dinner and talked for hours in this little café. And she’s an artist! She went to the Beaux-Arts school. She was in the student riots and all. We held hands and walked all over Paris. I don’t know where this is going exactly, but she is so…different and…”

“It was like that the first time I went out with Max,” Natalie said with a sigh. “Hey, he wrote me! I’ve had two letters from him already. One was here when I got back and one came yesterday. But don’t try to evade the question, Sophie. Did anything happen?”

I laughed. “We kissed, okay?”

“Wow! Your first kiss. I guess I just wanted to know if this was for real. It was so hard to believe when you first told me. So you really like her?”

“Yes.”

“And how was your trip up?”

“Oh, Natalie so much has been happening. I stayed with these crazy Irish people last night in London. I love them. I have to call them so they know I’m okay.”

For a moment, I thought Natalie looked wistful. Her careful planning did not allow much for mad adventures. She stood up from the bed. “I want to hear all about everything,” she said. “This is such a shock. I’m sorry, Sophie. I’m doing my best. I can’t say I’m exactly happy you’re here. I was just getting settled in.”

“I’ll try not to hold it against you,” I said grimly.

“At least I’m honest. I’ll be fine once I get used to it.” Outside the bright sun was shining through red oak leaves. “Come on, I’ll show you your room. And then we can go for a walk around Kenilworth.”

We stood up shakily, and Natalie looked at me, her blue eyes softening, and gave me the hug she hadn’t yet offered. Then she led me down a carpeted hallway past the landing to a row of rooms on the opposite side of the house facing the front. “Here’s your room. It’s all yours. Just put your sleeping bag on top of her bed, will you? Don’t use her sheets. Don’t mess anything up.” She grimaced with her usual ironic humor.

“No, I’ll make sure it stays pristine.” I opened the window a crack and could smell the roses from the front walk. As I waited for her, lying on top of my sleeping bag, I thought about Natalie’s reaction. If I hadn’t met Sean, I’d have dozed on a bench at Victoria Station or something, sustained by the belief that I had a friend to fall back on once I got to Kenilworth, someone who would take me in and help me without asking. It was worse to have her against me than spending a night alone in London would have been. I thought of how Sean had taken me in without asking any questions, compared to the grilling I’d received from Natalie. If a friend came to my door, I would want to help, period. My Irish friends are like that too and Geneviève is I think, and Jade and my family. We’re that kind of people. Natalie just cares about herself. If our positions were reversed, I’m sure I wouldn’t have given a thought to anything but her plight. Because we’re friends and that’s what friends do. Ha! I should have known better. She’s so worried about what people will think and actually told me that she didn’t really want me here.

But she doesn’t believe in abortion. She has every right to her beliefs. And after the first shock, she’s trying, You have to give her that. And she’s letting me stay.

I heard Natalie’s knock on the door, and I stood up, determined not to blame her anymore. Propelled by an unspoken truce, the two of us had a long ramble around town, crunching leaves as we walked. It was a beautiful day, almost like Indian summer back home. Natalie showed me the red Kenilworth castle and we explored some of the little lanes. A cozy little English town, it was perfect for Natalie. We stopped at a tea shop and had sandwiches and scones. It was almost like old times traveling, except Jade wasn’t there.

On the way back, Natalie pointed out the red phone box up the road from her house and asked, “When are you going to call them?”

“My Irish friends?” I said, reaching in my bag.

“No, your parents.”

“I will!” I bristled. “But I want to find out how much money I’ll need first. I’ll call them tomorrow.”

“Okay.” As Natalie left, I thought about what was different now from when we were traveling. Even though Natalie and I had bickered in Scotland, we’d been on equal footing then. Now I felt at a disadvantage—I was on her turf.