21. Finding and Losing

ALEC AND THOMAS SPENT THE REST OF THE MORNING and early afternoon on the Britannia. Though Thomas should have boarded the destroyer, he and Alec did not want to be separated again, so the captain allowed him to sit below in the galley. The morning had been discouraging; German planes had strafed the beaches again and again. Alec had watched as one of the larger rescue vessels exploded from a German hit, spewing all the men into the Channel.

Wheee, wheee, wheee. The German fighters shrieked as they dove through the clear skies to strike the beaches. The wailing of the planes and men made Alec want to scream himself.

"When will it stop?" he called to Thomas.

"It's been like this since I came," Thomas called back.

Because of his injury, Thomas sat as Alec, the captain, and Douglas worked steadily, helping the injured to board and then shuttling them out to sea where they were lifted to the deck of the waiting destroyer. Several of the large ships had already departed, moving toward the ports of England to deliver the men before returning for more. The Channel grew even more crowded as ships moved in and out of each other's paths, zigzagging to avoid floating debris and the steady bombing.

Their crews were exhausted. Though the ships had brought extra fuel, some captains knew they would have to return home soon to replenish supplies. And then there were the waves. They had kicked up in the early afternoon, slapping against the boats and slowing progress.

But in the late afternoon, the skies changed. After two days of clear weather and shrieking Stukas, the heavens were now filled with a thick mass of dark clouds. Though no rain came, the clouds, together with the black smoke from burning vessels and tanks, obscured the shore. Almost at the same time, the men on the jetty and onshore realized what had happened. The sky had grown eerily quiet. Down the queues the word was passed.

"Aye!" one soldier shouted. "The bloody Jerries can't see. They've gone home to hide!"

Alec watched as each soldier's face turned skyward, and then he listened as, one by one, the men passed the news: "They can't fly," the soldiers repeated. "The clouds are grounding them."

"'Tis a miracle for England, 'tis," another said, and Alec smiled, remembering the captain's words back in Dover: "You need to believe.... Otherwise, when it comes, you'll miss the miracle."

"We've bought some time with this cloud cover," the captain said to Douglas. "Let's work as fast as we can. We'll do two more trips to the jetty and then take what soldiers we can and make for Dover for more supplies. We've been out of blankets and food since this morning. We need petrol as well."

"Captain. Aah'm feeling stronger," Douglas said, looking at Alec. "We can make more passes than that, don't ye think?"

"We best not, mate," Cairns answered. "But we'll be home and back again—if you're willing."

"Aye," Douglas answered. "Just get me a pint or two, and aah'm fit."

It was after dark when the second load was onboard the destroyer, and the Britannia, filled with wounded soldiers, turned toward Dover.

"Douglas," Captain Cairns yelled. "Shift some lads to the port side and give us some balance for the trip."

"Aye, Captain," Douglas answered, helping two young soldiers to their feet. Then the boat turned slowly toward the center of the Channel. Thomas had come back on deck to be with the others. Alec was too tired to talk, and with no soldiers to load and deliver, he had some time to rest and think. He thought of Will and touched the cross hanging around his neck. He had lost three friends to death now. But this time, he knew he had done all he could to prevent it. Will had said it himself: "I made my choice." Still, Alec felt empty as he let the cross fall against his chest.

The ship bounced through the waves, rocking side to side and lurching when it slapped down in the frothy water. They had gone at such a hectic pace for so long that now the captain and Douglas could do little more than sit at their posts and stare into the blackness ahead. Many of the soldiers slept, relieved to be on their way home.

Thomas sat on the locker that had been Alec's hiding place, his wounded arm still resting in a sling. Alec moved among the men, checking to see that they were as comfortable as the crowded space would allow.

Douglas was at the wheel. The darkness prevented him from seeing more than a short distance beyond the bow. Alec watched as he peered into the night, listening for any sound that would signal disaster. But the waves and the weariness were taking their toll—Alec knew that Douglas was struggling to stay awake. Then a blaring foghorn brought them all to attention.

There, directly in front of them, not a hundred yards away, a large ship, one of the barges from the Thames, was moving slowly through the water. The Britannia was at full throttle, bearing down on the barge like one of the German planes. Though the barge had tried to warn him, Douglas did not have enough time to avoid a collision unless he pulled hard to the leeward side. With no other choice, he spun the wheel and shouted to the passengers, "Hold on, mates. We're sure to roll a bit!"

The Britannia turned sharply into the brunt of the waves, shifting sideways as it did. Anything not tied down hurtled toward the passengers, who tried to shield themselves from the flying cargo. In the chaos, Alec saw Thomas slip off the locker. With one arm in a sling, Thomas used his good hand to slap away a barrel that was rolling toward him. Then, too fast for Alec to grab him, he lost his balance, slid across the deck, and flipped over the rail into the Channel. Alec spun around just in time to watch him fall.

"Thomas!" Alec screamed, charging to the rail. "Thomas!" he called as the ship righted itself in the waves. Glancing portside at the barge drifting out of their path, Alec turned again toward the black water, straining to see his cousin. "Thomas!" Alec called again. "Answer me!"

Someone grabbed his arm. It was Douglas. "Do ye see Tm, Alec? Can ye see 'im anywhere?"

"I can't," Alec shouted. "It's too dark."

Then Alec heard a splash. Douglas had jumped into the sea. Alec saw him clawing at the water as he spun around searching. Just beyond him, Alec suddenly spotted Thomas struggling to stay afloat.

"There!" Alec cried. "There, Douglas, to your left. There he is!"

Lunging toward Thomas, Douglas caught him by his shirt and pulled him back to the boat. Then he whirled about and pushed Thomas to Alec, who stretched over the rail and grabbed his cousin's good hand. Aided by two of the soldiers, Alec dragged Thomas up and over the gunwale, and he flopped onto the deck, gasping for breath.

"Now Douglas," Alec called to the others, and turned to the water. Hanging far over the rail, he reached out his hand for the first mate. The sea churned around them. But Douglas was nowhere in sight.

"Douglas!" Alec cried into the wind. "Douglas, where are you?" There was no answer. Alec ran to the other side and called out, but the sea and sky blended together as blackness hid any sign of life. "Douglas!" Alec called again and again, and then stopped to listen. The sea and the wind were all he heard.

Leaving the wheel to one of the soldiers, the captain rushed over to Alec. "Can you see him, lad?"

"No. No, I can't see him! He's not where he was when he helped Thomas."

They were both at the side now, calling and looking into the dark water. "Douglas!" Alec cried. "Douglas, answer me!" Back and forth Alec ran, crying out for Douglas—until the captain caught him.

"He's gone, Alec," the captain said, his voice breaking. "It's too dark. We can't see him. I'm sorry, lad. There's nothing more to be done."

"But how?" Alec called out. "How could he do that? Douglas, you silly fool; you can't even swim."

"He did it for Thomas," the captain said, swiping at his eyes. "He saved Thomas through sheer strength and guts. And he did it for you. You're the one that gave him a purpose today—made him feel needed. But as you said, he was no swimmer, especially in these seas."

Alec sat down hard on the locker. He couldn't believe Douglas was gone. "Then what was he thinking? Jumping in like that?"

"He was Douglas, Alec. You know that. He would stare anything down, including his fears. His toughness was all he had."

Alec shook his head at the senselessness of it all. What had made Douglas do that? Just jump right in without a thought? He had told Alec once that he lived only for himself; no one else mattered. But in Dunkirk, Douglas had changed. He'd gone from grumbling about the soldiers to carrying onboard those who couldn't get on alone. The captain was right; he'd saved Thomas for Alec.

"He did what needed to be done. Be glad for that," the captain said, moving slowly to the wheelhouse.

Alec slid off the locker and pulled a blanket around Thomas, who was shaking from the drenching. Neither boy spoke. Sitting next to his cousin, Alec leaned his head back and stared up into the sky. It was time to go home.