Chapter Twenty-Two

“Do you have a minute?” Sienna asked, poking her head into Nicole’s office.

“Sure,” Nicole said, looking up from the Chinese take-out menu she had been studying. “I have all the time in the world now that I’m off Wil’s account. How’s that coming along by the way?”

Nicole had been the only one taken off the account. Eric had insisted that Nicole’s creative team continue to work with Renee.

Sienna came around to Nicole’s side of the desk. “Renee’s ego has gotten larger if that’s even possible, but I have to say the campaign’s going to be fantastic.”

Nicole grimaced slightly. While she genuinely wanted Wil to succeed, it still ate away at her knowing she had been replaced by Renee.

Sienna glanced over her shoulder and then whispered, “Do you want to see them?”

Nicole knew what them meant; knew Sienna was holding them in her arms—the final proofs before going to print.

“Sure,” she sighed. “Afterward, I can pour salt on my wound and take a bath in lye.”

Sienna showed Nicole the proofs for Family first. A mother chasing two laughing children, a boy and a girl. Smiling daughter lying upside down while mother blew bubbles over her. Mother and father, son and daughter, with their arms around each other, watching the sun go down at the beach. What Nicole had wanted to be captured had been caught: the mother’s look of pure, unconditional love as she gazed at her children and husband.

Sienna spread the shots of Nicole and Wil on the desk. As cruel fate would have it, Wil had ultimately chosen the ones she would have chosen herself. Nicole’s back arched with Wil holding her, her head thrown back in laughter. The two of them slow dancing with Nicole’s head on his shoulder. Wil’s lips sliding over her neck. All of them showing the brutally obvious love in her eyes.

“There is nothing more beautiful than a woman in love,” Nicole said quietly.

“Indeed,” Sienna agreed, placing a hand on her shoulder. “You okay?”

Nicole shook her head no as she stared at the images. When had she fallen in love with this man? She couldn’t deny it any longer. Wil had made her come alive again, after years of nursing hurt over her failed marriage. Nicole had purposely kept herself safe from more hurt by throwing everything she had into work and being a mother, only it wasn’t enough anymore. The undeniable energy she got from tapping into her sexuality again, and sharing intimacy with someone special—that was what made her feel like a woman, in a way that her relationship with her son couldn’t. Nor should it be expected to. These pictures were slapping her in the face and shouting, “Wake up and live again! Love like you’ve never been hurt.”

Nicole closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. “You and your love spells, Sienna.”

“What are you going to do, Nic? Look at you, you’re miserable.”

“Yes, I am,” she said, opening her eyes, “but I just realized I want to be the woman in those pictures again, so half the battle’s over.”

Sienna raised an eyebrow. “And the other half?”

“That’s the part I haven’t figured out yet.”

****

“Come on Josh, let’s get this show on the road!” Nicole called from the garage. “We should have left twenty minutes ago.”

She leaned against the car, waiting for her son who now spent interminable amounts of time on the computer, in the shower, or inside his room with the door closed. Nicole took three deep breaths and told herself to relax. She had two days off from the office, which meant two days away from constant reminders of Wil. And they were on their way to Nana’s, which had an instant chamomile effect right there.

Nicole went over to the mailbox to see if the mail had come yet, and caught a flash of red out of the corner of her eye. Nicole watched Wil as he parked in front of his mother’s garage and got out of his car. He looked up, noticed her and froze.

“Hey,” she said, walking over to him.

“Hey, yourself.” He was wearing sunglasses, so his expression was unreadable. He crossed his arms and leaned against his car. “So, is your son back?”

Nicole crossed her arms as well. “He’s inside. We’re going to San Diego for a few days to visit my Nana.”

Wil nodded. There was an awkward pause while they stared at each other. Wil pushed himself off his car and said, “Well…”

Nicole grasped at something, anything to keep him there for a moment longer. “I hope Renee is doing a good job for you.”

Why did she even have to mention that woman?

“Well, she’s no Nicole Woods,” he said, giving her a tight smile.

“Is that good or bad?”

He merely shrugged. “Take it anyway you want.” After another awkward pause, he said, “I’ll see you around.”

“Wait, Wil…” Nicole’s hand shot out and touched his arm. It was warm and familiar. She opened her mouth to explain that her date with Ben hadn’t been a real date; that she had agreed to it only to help out Annie, but then Josh bounded out of the house and she lost her words. Nicole’s hand dropped from Wil’s arm.

“I’m ready, Mom,” Josh said, coming up to them.

Wil gave them a slight wave and headed toward his mom’s garage. He looked back over his shoulder and said to Josh, “Cool shirt, dude.”

Nicole looked down at Josh’s T-shirt. On it was the bright logo of a phoenix engulfed in flames with the words Phoenix Rising written in script underneath.

****

For the next nine hours Nicole was reminded of Wil every time she looked at Josh who, ironically had gotten the shirt from Stephen. She supposed it was karma’s way of punishing her for all her sins in relation to the opposite sex.

When they returned to Nana’s house, after dinner at a Chinese restaurant, Josh volunteered to make brownies all by himself.

“This way, nothing can go wrong,” he whispered to Nicole on the way to the kitchen.

An accidental tipping of the bowl onto his chest had Nicole insisting that he take off his shirt so she could pre-treat the chocolate stain. Once the shirt was off, Nicole was able to breathe more easily again.

Minutes later, she smelled something burning as the smoke alarm went off. Nicole ran into the kitchen and yanked the pan of brownies out of the oven, while Nana turned on the ceiling fan and Josh tried to wave the smoke out the window.

“I don’t understand what happened,” Josh said. “The brownies were supposed to take twenty-five minutes to bake, not ten.”

Nana had a sheepish expression on her face. “Oh nuts, I’m afraid that’s my fault.”

“What did you do?” Nicole asked her.

“I doubled the oven temperature to halve the baking time.”

Their eyes went to the oven dial, which was jacked up as far as it could go, and then to the pan of burnt-to-a-crisp brownies.

“I think they’re blackies now,” Josh said, making them laugh, and Nicole thanked God that Nana once again hadn’t burned down the house.

When they were getting ready to go home, Nana pulled Nicole aside and said, “He’s not a baby anymore.”

Nicole looked directly into her blue eyes and nodded. “I know.”

“It doesn’t mean you have to love him less. Just loosen your grip a little so he can spread his wings.”

“Is that what you did with your kids?”

“No, I didn’t. And look how often they come to visit me!”

She hugged her tightly. “I love you, Nana.”

“Me too,” Josh said, hugging Nana from behind.

“I wish you could stay longer,” Nana said, after Nicole and Josh were in the car.

“School starts on Monday and I have to go back to work.” Nicole buckled her seat belt. “We’ll be back down soon,” she promised with a wave goodbye.

“Give me two rings to let me know you got home safely,” Nana said, as Nicole backed out of the driveway. Nicole’s heart overflowed with love for her, because it didn’t matter how old Nicole was, Nana would always be watching out for her.

Two mornings later, the house phone rang as Nicole was getting dressed for work. When she picked it up and heard her mother’s voice, a chill went through her.

“Nana’s gone, Nicole,” she said.

****

Nana had died in her sleep. She lay down to take a nap and never woke up. Her neighbors found her when they came to get her for their weekly pool game, and had immediately called Nicole’s parents, who were now trying to get a flight from Michigan to San Diego.

I just saw her two days ago. How is it possible?

Her Nana was gone forever. She slumped down on the couch, put her face in her hands and cried. How was she going to tell Josh? He had never had anyone close to him die before.

Nicole called Eric and let him know she wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week. He knew how close she had been to her Nana. Eric offered his prayers and promised to send flowers. Nicole got off the phone and cried some more.

A while later there was a knock at her door. When Nicole opened it to find Wil standing there, she immediately burst into tears again. He came in, shut the door and took her in his arms. She sobbed into his shoulder, holding onto him for dear life as he gently rocked her. When Nicole felt as if she couldn’t shed another tear, she looked up at him with her bloodshot, swollen eyes and asked, “How did you know?”

“Eric,” he said.

She attempted a smile. “Even though you hate me, you came anyway.”

“I know how you must be feeling. I was very close to my grandmother, too. After my dad died, my mom fell apart and it was my grandma who moved in and kept our family together. She was our glue. I was devastated when she passed away.”

“My nana was my only family close by. She was the one we spent holidays with, and now…and now I have to tell my son he’ll never see his nana alive again.” She collapsed on the couch.

Wil came over and sat next to her. “Has he ever had any experience with death before?” Nicole shook her head. “The best thing is to be honest with him and speak from your heart.”

“Thank you for being here, Wil,” she said, putting her hand over his.

“For the record,” he said, pulling his hand away and standing up, “I don’t hate you.”

“You just want nothing to do with me, right?”

“Now is not the time to get into it, Nicole,” he said softly, but firmly.

“Why not? No time like the present,” she said, with an anger that surprised her. “After all, I’m not getting any younger, as you so delicately implied.”

She saw Wil wince. “I wasn’t the one who was hung up on the age difference between us.”

“I’m sixteen years older than you!”

“Age is just a goddamn number! What matters is the two people involved, but you used it as a convenient excuse to keep me at arm’s length.” He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. “Dammit, I said I didn’t want to talk about this right now.”

“No, please continue. Tell me what you really think.”

“You really want to know what I think? I think you ended this relationship the minute it began.”

“You were only supposed to be a summer fling, Wil,” she said.

The muscle in his jaw twitched. “I know. You never failed to remind me of that, Nicole. Even in the middle of making love.”

“So? Most men would be happy with a no-strings-attached relationship.”

“When are you going to realize I’m not like most men?”

She did realize it. Too late.

Nicole jumped up from the couch. “We could have worked through this problem. It didn’t warrant you taking me off your account.”

Wil stared at her in disbelief. “Is that what’s really bothering you?”

No. “Yes. I did all the work and Renee gets all the glory? What’s fair about that?”

“You’re right. It’s not fair. But I have a hard time forgiving someone who lies to me.”

“You lied about Sonia.”

“I never lied. I just didn’t tell you right away.”

“You know, you men are all the same,” Nicole said, thumping Wil in the chest with her finger. “There’s always a double standard for everything.”

Wil looked down at her finger and Nicole stopped thumping. His tone turned icy. “At least I didn’t look you straight in the face and lie. How could you do that?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you!”

“Yeah, well, you did.”

“Get over it.”

“And move on? You mean like you have? Jesus, Nicole, you have so much baggage, there’s no room for anyone else in the trunk.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Rage coursed through her body. No one but Stephen ever made her this mad.

“You’re so screwed up when it comes to matters of trust and love and commitment—”

“You try getting a divorce, Wil.”

“How many years has it been? Get over it!”

“Get out,” Nicole said, her voice low, but shaking.

Wil gave her a pitying look. “I hope when I get to be your age I’m not as bitter and closed-off as you are.”

Nicole marched to her front door and opened it as far as it could go. “Thanks for the shoulder to cry on.”

Wil threw up both arms and stormed out. Nicole kicked the door closed with her foot, screamed a few favorite curse words, and tried to think back to the time (a mere six weeks ago) when her life was predictable, boring, sexless, and most important, Wil-less.