And that’s how I ended up in DETENTION. And Neil got off SCOT-FREE as usual. I JUST TOTALLY LOST IT. I don’t know what happened to me. One minute, I was sat in my chair half asleep listening to Sonnet 13, the next minute, I was on my feet looming over him.

And now I was STUCK IN DETENTION with all the other REPROBATES (naughty kids). It felt like some kind of precursor to JUVIE (prison for under 18s). I was almost worried I’d walk out with a CRIMINAL RECORD and a PRISON TATTOO on my arm as a souvenir of my time in there.

Some of the older kids looked like permanent fixtures they were so comfortable. They leaned back in their chairs lazily, a glazed expression of pure boredom on their faces, as if absolutely nothing was going on behind their eyes. I shuddered, thinking that one day, that could be me.

Mrs Hargreaves who monitors detention also looks like a full-time installation. She sits at the front with her bag of knitting. She is meant to be keeping an eye on us. But mainly she just SLEEPS or MAKES UGLY JUMPERS. A bit like Grandma, just without the NATURAL CRAFTING ABILITY.

Luckily, Mr Rogers came to my rescue. Unluckily, he also had Grandma in tow. Just when I was thinking of Grandma she decided to turn up. It was like summoning a DISAGREEABLE GENIE from inside a lamp. One that didn’t grant any of your wishes.

What was she doing at school? I was really going to be in for it now.

‘Mrs Hargreaves, can I borrow Jake for a moment?’ Mr Rogers asked.

Mrs Hargreaves woke up, nodded and blinked, looking startled. It wasn’t often that someone was released from detention early. Let alone by another teacher.

‘Thanks,’ Mr Rogers continued, not giving her a chance to reply. ‘Jake, can you come this way?’

I didn’t need to be asked twice. I took my bag from the floor by my feet and bolted towards the door. Even a meeting with Grandma and Mr Rogers was better than detention.