After dinner I joined Mum outside on the balcony where she was having a cigarette. She was staring calmly up at the darkness above her head. It was only four o’clock, but it was already pitch black. I had to admit that she looked much happier than before she had gotten sick.
There is so much light pollution in London that the stars aren’t always that clear, but you can usually see the North Star. The centring star. The star that will always guide the lost home.
‘Look,’ I pointed, showing Mum. ‘It’s the North Star.’
Mum smiled as she exhaled.
‘So, you still want to be an astronaut then?’ she asked, as she pulled me into her side.
‘Of course,’ I replied. ‘I want to be the next Tim Peake.’
Mum chuckled. It was good to hear her laugh again.
‘Can you see Scorpio from here?’ she asked.
‘Only in the summer, and I think you’d need a proper telescope, like the ones they use at the observatory we went to,’ I replied.
We had been to visit the observatory in Greenwich a few years ago. It was amazing. The planetarium was like being in actual space itself. I hoped we could go again once Mum got better and came home for good.
Mum had finished her cigarette and was caressing the necklace.
‘I hope you’re not too upset about Lukas leaving,’ she said.
‘I’m going to miss him,’ I answered. ‘But when you went away, I thought things would never be the same again and you know what? They’re not, they’re totally different.’
I paused as I tried to articulate what it was that I wanted to say.
‘But I’ve decided that different can be OK too, sometimes. I’ve spent a lot more time with Dad, and Rose, and Grandma. I’ve made a new friend called Nora. And it hasn’t been that bad. Maybe things will never go back to the way they were before, but that’s fine.’ I shrugged. ‘I don’t know, maybe I’ve become more adaptable.’
‘You’ve been amazing,’ Mum replied. ‘You’ve been a total superhero.’
‘And hopefully I can visit Lukas soon.’
Mum laughed. She didn’t know about my mission to find her yet. I knew she would be leaving soon, going back to the hospital, so that story would have to wait for another day. At least I had it all well documented in my notebook to show her next time she visited.
I liked the idea of being a superhero. I still wanted to be an astronaut someday, but I also liked the idea of being a detective now, too. Maybe I could do both, solve mysteries in space, like The X-Files or something. Become a secret superhero. There were so many different types of hero I could be. I’d just have to wait and see what happened next.
notes for the future: