Forty-three

Day 19

St Nicholas College

3.45 p.m. Thursday, 12th November 1965

The boy stood in the corridor outside the sixth form common room waiting for Carmody. One hand was in his pocket clutching the bullet, the pressure and sharpness of it bringing a smile to his face. Across the corridor, a third form boy they called Binder stood on a chair. Twine was his surname. The boy knew Binder well, Binder had hit him square in the middle of the back for no reason, and he’d had a sharp pain there for weeks. He didn’t know how to explain it to the nurse, so he’d just hoped it would go away. Which it did.

Binder was standing on the chair as punishment. A prefect would be punishing him, or maybe just a sixth former. While standing on the chair anyone passing was at liberty to say what he thought of you. ‘Dickhead’, ‘wanker’ or ‘durr’, most of the lower school students would say. But if they were second formers that said anything, Binder would hunt them down and bash them later. The boy thought that worse than a bashing would be the sixth formers looking through him.

Binder didn’t seem very happy. When the boy looked at him, he threatened him with a fist.

‘Harper.’

The boy turned, a sixth former was standing in the doorway signalling to him. The boy walked to him, not taking his eyes off the floor.

‘Your name Harper?’

The boy nodded.

‘Stand inside the door.’

The boy stepped through the doorway. He pushed the heels of his shoes against the skirting. A few pairs of shoes left, then gradually the room quietened and the common room door was closed. The boy didn’t dare look up, but he felt comfortable, he had heard Carmody’s voice.

‘Look at me.’ The boy looked up. It wasn’t Carmody speaking, it was ‘Double’ Daws. He was in the first fifteen rugby team and looked older than the boy’s father. The boy felt a tremor go through his chest. ‘You lack loyalty, Harper.’ The boy’s eyes involuntary darted to Carmody. Carmody had turned to ice. Now he was frightened.

‘You’ve been talking to the police,’ Double rasped at him. The boy looked back in horror, he felt the little world he had managed to build inside him melt away. A breath caught in his throat as his chest and stomach hollowed. He wondered if anyone would pick him up when he fell, or just move away.

‘No,’ trembled from his throat and eyes.

Double turned to Carmody. Carmody gave a brief nod. The door opened, someone said, ‘Out.’ The boy walked out and stood with his back to the corridor wall opposite Binder.

‘I’m going to bash you,’ Binder hissed at him. The boy looked up at Binder in wonder. Binder made several ugly grimaces and clenched his fists at the boy as if at a mortal enemy. The boy felt his legs shaking and locked his eyes on the floor.

‘You’re dead,’ was hissed. Some of Binder’s third form friends slouched slowly along the corridor.

The boy could hear Binder hissing, ‘Hit him.’ A fist landed in his stomach. The boy groaned and fell to a crouch gasping for air. ‘I’m going to kill him,’ Binder was hissing at the passing feet.

***

It was 5.30 p.m. and the day boys had left. The boy sat by himself at the bottom of the steps and pushed his fingers between the bottom limestone block and soil, the depth of his hand, then released the bullet, it slipped past his fingers easily and rested. He pushed at a sharp edge to hide it deeply. Carmody’s ice eyes told him to push himself into the earth. He shook at the image and walked away.

A hand grabbed the boy’s hair.

‘Edmund’s not here to protect you anymore, creep,’ Binder hissed in the boy’s ear while forcing his head back. Four other third formers quickly stood around shielding Binder’s actions. The boy had been caught at the back of the gym.

‘We know what you are. Where I come from we would put you in a bag and drown you,’ Binder hissed into the boy’s ear.

‘That’s not his fault, Binder,’ one of the third formers said. The boy couldn’t turn his eyes to see the boy who spoke, but then he realised he didn’t want to, he didn’t want to recognise him, he didn’t want to see any pain that might be in the other boy’s eyes.

‘Shut up, Slug, or you’re next,’ Binder jeered as he pulled the boy’s head back further.

‘We’re going to come to your dorm at night, creep, and drown you in the pool,’ he rasped into the boy’s ear.

‘Look, his legs are shaking,’ another third former said with a laugh. The boy knew they were, he was having trouble keeping his feet on the ground.

‘He’s going to piss himself.’

‘What’re you boys doing?’ It was Mr Abbott, a boarding master.

‘Nothing, sir,’ Binder said and released the boy’s hair.

‘What’re you doing there, Harper?’

As Abbott approached the third form boys stepped aside.

‘Nothing,’ the boy managed, looking at the ground. The road was rough there; small shards of blue metal penetrated the black bitumen. The boy saw one shard, a pinprick; it would take years for it to work its way out unless the boy helped it.

‘Stand up, Harper. What do you think you’re doing?’ The third formers laughed. ‘That’s enough from you lot,’ Abbott barked.

‘Yes, sir,’ the third formers murmured.

‘I don’t want to see you lot hanging around here anymore. Why aren’t you at sports training?’

‘We’re sick, sir,’ Binder mocked. He locked eyes with Abbott defiantly.

‘Go!’ Abbott yelled.

‘Come on, Harper,’ Binder said.

‘Harper, stay.’

‘We’ll catch you later, Harper, like we said.’ Binder and the third formers walked away. The boy watched the heels of their shoes until he couldn’t see them without raising his head.

‘What did they want, Harper?’

‘Nothing, sir.’

‘Don’t talk rubbish. What did they mean, “They’d catch you later”?’

‘I don’t know, sir.’

‘No one can help you if you don’t say anything, Harper.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Well?’

The boy looked for the pinprick of blue metal. He couldn’t find it, and he shuffled his feet and moved his head quickly searching for it.

‘Harper. Don’t be stupid. Look at me. What’s going on?’

The boy looked up to the side of Mr Abbott’s head.

‘Why were you outside the sixth form common room?’

‘I was told to be there.’

‘Who?’

‘It was a day boy. I don’t know his name,’ the boy lied.

‘A sixth former?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Had you told on Twine?’

‘No, sir.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘So what do the third formers want with you?’ Abbott asked.

‘I don’t know.’

‘Was Twine threatening you?’

‘No, sir.’

‘You stay away from them. You understand?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘If they cause you any trouble, you come straight to me. Understand?’

‘Yes, sir.’

Abbott stood looking at the boy. The boy hadn’t met his eyes.

‘I want to help you, Harper.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Don’t come back this way again.’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Go.’

‘Thank you, sir.’

The boy walked in the opposite direction the third formers had taken.