Chapter Twenty-Three

He’d lost Karissa, and it was all her fault! A mountain-size portion of hurt and anger made Malcolm stay away from Stephanie’s room until late that night. Instead of finding Karissa and Stephanie asleep, he found his wife attempting to clean throw-up from the floor using her foot and a towel, while his daughter cried feebly in her arms.

“She doesn’t keep anything down,” Karissa said, her voice full of panic. “I don’t know what to do!”

Malcolm felt pity and a certain measure of guilt for leaving Karissa to face this alone, but her betrayal blotted out most of those kinder feelings. He helped Karissa clean up the milk. It didn’t smell sour, and he knew it hadn’t spent much time in the baby’s stomach.

“This is the fourth time since you left,” Karissa said. “I keep changing her clothes.” Malcolm saw that her own clothes were soaked, and the various wet parts were at different stages of drying. “It’s my fault,” she added dully.

Her face crumpled, and Malcolm almost went to her, but before he could act, her mouth clenched tight and her expression became rigid. The pity in him died. She was right: it was her fault.

They spent an uncomfortable night, with neither getting much sleep. When Stephanie threw up, they cleaned it with towels the nurses gave them and rocked the baby back to sleep. They didn’t talk. During the early morning hours, Malcolm heard Karissa moaning. “No! I didn’t let you fall! Please, please don’t die!”

Karissa shuddered and jolted to consciousness. Again Malcolm felt something in his heart other than the terrible anger, and if his wife had reached out to him, he would have held her close and stroked her long, silky hair. The desire to comfort her grew, but Karissa made no move toward him. It’s just as well, he thought. It’ll be easier this way.

Easier to do what? his inner self mocked. Malcolm didn’t know; he hadn’t thought that far. He only knew that Karissa had destroyed their marriage by her secret sins.

There was no window in their room, but the increasing activity of the nurses told them Thursday morning had finally crept into sight. Karissa’s eyes were red and swollen, and Malcolm wondered when she had cried; he hadn’t heard her.

“Look at her arm,” Karissa said, her voice gruff from disuse.

Stephanie’s right arm had doubled in size where the IV needle pierced the skin. Karissa called a nurse. “It looks fine,” the young woman said after examining the arm.

“Fine?” Karissa said. “It’s swollen. Just about all the nourishment my daughter is getting is from this IV,” she said. “It’s not normal to be this swollen.”

“I see it’s swollen, but the needle seems to be in fine,” the nurse said. But she was hesitant now, and Malcolm wondered if she was still in training.

“I want to see a doctor,” Karissa asserted.

The doctor who came was one they didn’t recognize. He examined Stephanie and told the nurse to change the IV to the left arm because the solution was no longer going into the baby’s vein. It took the nurse three tries with the needle, but Stephanie seemed to rest more easily with the saline and electrolytes once again pumping into her vein.

Without warning, Karissa spoke, “My father’s coming soon. I don’t know when. I’d—” She glanced up at him, and the sadness in her beautiful eyes made Malcolm want to weep. He wanted to hold and love her. He wanted all this to be far behind them. Why couldn’t he let it go? “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell him anything about . . . about us . . . and all.”

“Our relationship is none of your father’s business,” he answered. He pictured Karissa’s stern father and wondered why she had asked him to come. He thought she hated the man. “When did you call him?”

“Brionney did.” There was no anger or feeling in her voice at all.

Both lapsed into silence.

Damon came into the room a short while later, looking rested and eager. “Hi, Kar, Malcolm,” he said. “I’ve brought you breakfast. I want to know if I can baby-sit while you two go for a break.”

Karissa shook her head and looked at the crib, where she’d laid Stephanie only moments before. “I’m not leaving her.” She met Damon’s gaze, and Malcolm saw something personal pass between them. Anger flared in his heart, but he couldn’t pinpoint what emotion they shared. He felt excluded, an outsider.

“Everything’s going to be okay, Kar.” Damon touched her arm, and Karissa didn’t pull away. Suspicions tumbled through Malcolm’s mind. Could they be more than friends?

He scowled at Damon, who met his gaze without flinching. “You’re a lucky man,” Damon said. There was an insinuation there that Malcolm couldn’t ignore.

“If only you knew,” he said bitterly. And he meant it. If Damon Wolfe knew what sins Karissa had committed and what agony she was causing her family, he wouldn’t look at her with such longing and admiration.

“I know Karissa,” Damon said lightly. “And that’s enough. I trust her.”

So had Malcolm—once, and look where that had led him. He opened his mouth to continue this subtle war with the man who had now become his overt enemy, but a sudden intake of breath drew his gaze back to his wife. Karissa stared at the door, the remaining color draining from her already pale face. Her jaw set and she lifted her head high. “Hello,” she said.

“Karissa.” Her mother crossed the room and pulled her daughter into a hug. Sharon Apple was a slender woman; and it was from her that Karissa had inherited her willowy figure and graceful movements. There were strands of gray in Sharon’s brown hair, cut just above her shoulders, and her face was heavily lined from years of stress. “I’ve missed you. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Why didn’t you call sooner? I’ve missed you so much!”

“I missed you too, Mom,” Karissa said in a small voice.

Warren Apple watched as his wife and daughter tried to condense the last few years into a single conversation. He was tall like Karissa and had the same green eyes. Malcolm had never noticed any other similarity between them, but today their faces wore the same hard expression. Malcolm saw with a strange satisfaction that Warren had gained weight since he’d last seen him, and it showed in his face and stomach. The man who had so opposed their civil wedding wasn’t as intimidating as he had been years ago. Malcolm wondered what his father-in-law’s face would show if he told them Karissa’s secret.

“It’s good to see you, Father.” Karissa proffered her cheek with none of the warmth that she’d shown in her greeting with her mother. Malcolm noticed that she spoke to her father in the same cold, expressionless voice she’d used to address Malcolm since her confession. The realization didn’t sit well on his empty stomach.

Karissa introduced Damon to her parents. “Pleased to meet you,” they said automatically.

Damon walked toward the door. “If you’ll excuse me?” To Malcolm’s mind, he seemed reluctant to leave, but Malcolm was grateful for the privacy. “Let me know if you need me for anything.”

Karissa nodded. “We will. And thanks.”

After his departure, Karissa’s parents filled the ensuing silence with trivialities about Karissa’s siblings and their lives. “We’re going on a mission soon,” Sharon said, “now that all the children have left and your dad’s retired.”

Malcolm saw a momentary surprise in Karissa’s expression before she squelched the reaction. “How wonderful,” she murmured.

When the small talk had dribbled to its inevitable conclusion, Malcolm walked them out to their rental car and gave them directions to the hotel they had booked. On his way back to the room, he ran into Damon.

“Is everything all right?” Damon asked.

Malcolm knew he did a poor job of stifling his irritation at the man’s constant interference. “Yes,” he replied, reminding himself that it was Damon who’d found the help they needed for Stephanie.

Damon studied him for a full minute before continuing. “I know you don’t like me,” he said, “so let’s drop the pretense. I have to tell you that I hate the way you’re treating Karissa.”

“It’s none of your business,” Malcolm retorted. “You know nothing about our relationship. She’s my wife.”

“She has made that very clear. But I feel it is my business how you treat her, because I care about her, too.”

“You stay away from us,” Malcolm warned.

Damon shook his head. “I’ll be here if Karissa needs me. I’m her friend.”

“Needs you?” Malcolm sneered. “She doesn’t need anyone.”

“Can one mistake be so serious?” Damon said. “Tell me, is it your sense of morality that Karissa wounded, or your ego?” He laughed without mirth. “You have a lot to learn about real love.”

Karissa told Damon? When? Before Malcolm could speak, Damon turned on his heel and stalked away.

Malcolm thought about running after the man but decided against it. Instead, he went for a long walk. He thought about the way Damon had looked at Karissa, and about how she had lied to him. All this time, she’d kept this secret. Not only had she slept with another man, she took a helpless life. How could he forgive her for that? Maybe it was just as well that Damon was around. She needed somebody, and at the moment Malcolm couldn’t find any love for her in his heart.

He returned to the hospital when it began to rain. Karissa looked up as he entered the room, but she quickly buried her nose in the Ensign she’d brought back the day before. Stephanie was in her crib and Malcolm picked her up, gently rocking her and wishing he could make her better with the strength of his love. So tiny, Malcolm thought. It could have been yesterday that you were born.

Malcolm wished the clock could turn back. He wished he’d never heard Karissa’s confession. More than anything, he wished he could be someone who could look past his own pain and forgive her.