Father Christmases: 1
Reindeer: 8
Sleighs ridden in with no accidents: 1 (Woohoo!)
Lives turned upside down: 1 (Woohoo!)
The sound of jingling bells makes me look up. It’s nearly lunchtime on Christmas Eve and a man wearing a Santa suit is putting a bag of carrots, a box of candy canes, and a tub of cocoa on my checkout. Of course. Just the reminder of Nick that I didn’t need. Maybe things will get easier after Christmas, when images of Santa and all things Christmas aren’t everywhere. I never thought there’d be a day when I wanted Christmas to be over.
“Merry Christmas,” the old man in the suit says as he comes to the till.
“Merry Christmas,” I reply but my voice sounds hollow. There’s not much to be merry about this Christmas.
I can’t help but smile at what he’s buying. He’s really getting into the role.
“The reindeer get hungry after such a long flight,” he says when he sees me looking at the carrots.
“Of course they do.” I have to admit he’s a very good Santa. He’s got the jolly, smiling eyes and a deep, kind voice.
“You know, Emma, when I sent my son here, I wanted him to find you.”
I stare at him, open-mouthed.
“Not you specifically, of course, but I hoped he might find love. Nick and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye, I know I’ve been a little hard on him sometimes, but I see so much of myself in him too.”
“Who are you? How do you know that?”
“I don’t need to answer that question, do I?” He looks at me pointedly.
But it can’t be. He can’t be.
“I was just like him when I was young. Terrified of taking over this job, convinced I would never live up to my father, would never be able to do what he does, scared I was missing out on having a normal life. Do you know what changed it for me?”
“What?” I swallow. I can’t be having this conversation.
“Mrs Claus. Everything fell into place when I met her. The restless part of me settled. The doubts eased. They never went away, and they still don’t. Do you know I sometimes get into the sleigh on Christmas Eve and wonder if I can do it? Many children are born every year, and I convince myself that I’ll miss some or that I won’t make it in time. But Mrs Claus calms me. She gives me a cookie and tells me to stop being such a silly old sod.”
“I’m rubbish at baking cookies,” I mumble around the lump in my throat.
“But you never stop trying. That’s the important part.”
I nod, mute.
“I suppose you’re wondering what I’m doing here.”
I nod again. I still can’t find any words.
“Well, the way I see it is this: I’m to blame for what happened between you and Nick. He left with the best intentions, to stop you struggling. He was scared you would end up so exhausted that you’d hurt yourself somehow. And that’s my fault for being so hard on him, for not realising that he was trying his best, and that’s all you can ask of someone. I shouldn’t have put so much pressure on him to make such a ridiculous daily quota. I became convinced that if he still cared enough to do the chimneys then he would come back to us one day. I hoped he would find his own Mrs Claus on the journey.
“When I was thirty, I did what he did. I ran away to New York, adopted a dog and lived in a one-room apartment with three smelly men. Luckily, Nick avoided the smelly men, but he found the dog and the Mrs Claus. I met mine in New York, you know. I thought she’d leave me when she found out who I really was, this job I had to go back to, but I was lucky. She loved Christmas and she loved me. I know you feel the same.”
“What about Nick?”
“I know he feels the same too.”
“But…I can’t…go… I can’t just go.”
“Why not?”
“I…” I struggle for words as I think about his question. Nick has been the highlight of my day for months. Without him, there’s nothing. Endless shifts at the supermarket, watching happy couples strolling together in the cold winter air, and no Gorgeous Dog Walker to smile at me.
“What are you doing here? Aren’t you busy today?” I splutter eventually to avoid the previous question.
“A little. But it’s high time I thought about someone other than myself. Nick is miserable and you’re miserable. Besides, it’s the only day of the year that I can blend in. I imagine I’d turn quite a few heads if I arrived in February.”
“Yes, I suppose you would,” I mumble. I’m still trying to think of a good reason why I can’t go.
I hear someone shouting at Tess. The shop is packed and she’s abandoned her checkout. She appears by my side and gives the man – Santa, I suppose – a quick look. “Did you get my letter?”
“What letter?” I ask her in confusion.
“I wasn’t talking to you, Em.”
“Yes, Miss Tess,” Santa says. “I got it and I appreciate it very much.”
“What letter?” I ask again.
“You know I told you how drunk I got at the office Christmas party?” she asks and I nod. I told them all I had a migraine and got out of going this year.
“Well, it was just after you told me what happened with Nick. The night ended with me drunkenly musing that Nick was probably Santa Claus, and I did something I haven’t done in about thirty years. I wrote to Santa and told him how miserable you were and how much you loved him. I was a bit worse for wear. I can’t even remember what I wrote.”
“Yes. It did take the elves some time to decipher it.”
“In all fairness, I didn’t expect it to actually go anywhere. If I’d have known you existed, I’d have written a highly literate email while sober.”
“But… You…” I stutter.
Tess laughs. “You could have just told me he was Santa’s son. I basically declared your love for this old married man.”
“But… How do you know this is Santa? How do you know he’s not just some guy in a suit?”
“Management are going crazy about the sleigh in the car park. The reindeer are causing quite a stir. One has been into the hot dog van and snaffled half their stock.”
“That’ll be Comet. He can’t resist a hot dog, that one.” Santa laughs.
“What?”
“And Nick is gorgeous.” Tess elbows me in the ribs. “You didn’t tell me he was so gorgeous.”
“I nicknamed him Gorgeous Dog Walker!” I say indignantly. “Wait, Nick is here?”
“He’s outside,” Santa says. “He’s got something he wants to say to you.”
“Go on.” Tess prods me. “Go and see what the boy has to say. I told you I wasn’t going to bloody give up.”
I abandon my till too.
“Emma! Tess!” One of the managers yells. “You’re both facing disciplinary action over this!”
Everyone ignores him.
When we reach the entrance, my knees almost give out.
Outside is a sleigh, a gigantic wooden sleigh with seven reindeer tethered to it. Twinkle is furiously chasing the eighth one around the car park.
In the sleigh, with a hopeful look and a giant poinsettia, is Nick. His casts are off now and he climbs out as I walk over to him.
“This is for you.” He hands me the potted poinsettia. “It should’ve been roses but that wouldn’t have been festive enough.”
I take the plant from him. “Yes, why have roses when you can have a giant plant you can’t see over the top of?”
He laughs and takes it out of my hands and puts it back in the sleigh behind him.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, although I can’t help the spark that lights inside of me and the butterflies that dance at the sight of him.
“I owe you an apology. I was too quick before. I didn’t listen to you, didn’t consider any other option. I was so worried about you and I panicked. I knew the only thing I could do to help was leave.”
“But it didn’t help, Nick. I didn’t want you to leave.”
“I know. I didn’t want to either, but… Oh God, Em, I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to mess this up again.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, looking at the sleigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. Even after everything, after Twinkle and the chimney sweeping, I still thought it was going to turn out to be a joke. I should have trusted you.”
“I was too much, too hasty, I expected too much. You knew the truth and you didn’t run away screaming. I thought that was all we needed. I should have considered how hard it would be for you to adjust.”
“This is pretty good proof,” I admit, running my hand over the smooth wooden sides of the sleigh. I glance behind me and see Tess and Santa are standing in the middle of the sliding doors, watching with a throng of customers. “I can’t believe it’s real.”
“It’s real,” he says. “And I want to show you. Em, maybe I was a bit quick in asking you to marry me before. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked you to move in. It was so fast, but I just wanted to look after you. I love you. I think I loved you the first time I saw you, and thanks to Tess’s letter, I know you feel the same.”
“I do. Nick, I’m sorry, I should have said it before. The other night, you practically asked me straight out and I couldn’t say it. I thought if I said it, if I let my guard down, threw caution to the wind and let you in, that it would end. I expected it to be a joke. I thought I’d say it and you’d laugh and go, ‘hah, you really thought Santa existed?’ or something.”
“I would never do that,” he says seriously.
“I know that. Nick…” I look around again and the crowd of onlookers have multiplied. “Where do we go from here?”
“How about the North Pole? I mean it, Em. I’ve started Santa training; it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. Dad’s been great about it. Apparently he understands why I left now. Look, I know it’s a lot to take in, but Dad’s agreed to let you come to the North Pole. You don’t have to become Mrs Claus or anything like that. You can leave whenever you want, come back here to visit any time. Dad even mentioned that Tess could come to visit us if you wanted. We don’t have to rush into anything, just…spend some time together. I just want you to be my girlfriend.”
“I’d like that,” I stutter as tears finally spill out of my eyes.
Nick beams, his eyes looking watery too, and leans down to give me a massive hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Nick lets out what sounds like a cross between a laugh and a sob. He picks me up in a hug and spins me around, and at that exact moment, thick white snowflakes start to fall out of the sky.
It’s a perfect Christmas movie moment.
There’s a shout of victory from behind the hot dog van and Twinkle emerges, clinging on to Comet’s neck and looking triumphant. Santa and Tess come over and Santa goes to harness Comet into line with the other reindeer. Nick puts me down with a kiss and goes over to help.
“What am I doing?” I say to Tess.
“The right thing,” she says. “Go on. Text me when you get there, and don’t even think about not Skyping me at least once a day. I want the low-down on any hot elves. I’ve always had a thing for short men.”
I laugh. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, but you can come back and visit, right? And I could definitely get used to holidays in the snow. I’ll have to buy a new skiing outfit.”
Santa coughs politely. “If you don’t mind, I really need to be getting back.” He pats the sleigh. “The elves and I need to get this thing loaded up for tonight.”
“I have to pick up Button on the way,” I say.
“It’s already on the schedule.” Twinkle comes over to stand next to me. “You know, Nick’s not that bad a guy really. You could do worse.” He turns his attention to Tess and tips his hat at her. “All right, love?”
I feel her cringe before she wraps me in a hug. “Have fun, you. I can’t think of anywhere better for you to go than the North Pole.”
“What if I’m making a huge mistake?”
“You’d be making a huge mistake by staying.”
She’s right, and for the first time, I know it too.
“I’ll tell everyone the sleigh and reindeer are just a publicity stunt,” she continues. “Text me when you get there, and tell Santa to leave some of that perfume you’ve been wearing under my tree. It’s really nice.”
I laugh and hug her again.
“You ready?” Nick asks. Santa and Twinkle are already seated, ready for take-off I guess.
Will I ever be ready?
He helps me into the sleigh and straps me in. Who would’ve thought sleighs had seat belts? Twinkle pulls out a flask and pours us all a cup of cocoa. “Now this is how you make cocoa,” he says with the biggest grin I’ve ever seen on him.
I suppose that’s one of the many things I’ll learn, and I can’t wait. Nick squeezes my hand as Santa shouts at the reindeer and they lift into the air, pulling us along behind them. I squeal as we pick up speed and the supermarket fades to nothing more than a dot below us.
I can’t believe it’s all real and that I’m going to be a part of it. Maybe there’s a reason that I’ve always loved Christmas so much. Nick beams at me over his cup, and I can’t help but smile back. It was his smile I fell in love with months ago at the park, and his smile that convinces me I haven’t made a mistake now.
“Merry Christmas,” Santa says. “I can’t wait for you to see the North Pole. The elves will be so excited to have a new human moving in. They love humans.” He glances at Twinkle. “Most of them do anyway.”
Nick knocks his shoulder against mine. “Merry Christmas, Em.”
I grin at him. “Merry Christmas, Mr Claus.”
Merry Christmas to everyone, I think. Maybe Christmas magic isn’t just for the movies after all.