Chapter 5
“I feel like I’m being kidnapped.”
Trish smiled over at Tess, who sat in the front seat of her hybrid car. “You are.” She looked in the rearview mirror. “You too, Brooke.”
“Take me away,” she said sadly. “I almost can’t stand what’s going on in my life.”
The tumors in Zach’s pancreas had not shrunk, even with more chemo. Surgery was planned soon. Tess felt so bad for them.
“That’s the purpose of tonight,” Trish put in.
“Are the others going to be wherever we’re going?” Brooke asked.
“Yep. JJ’s picking up Annie and Lynne.”
Tess grumbled, “I hope whatever you planned is fun. I’m about sick of things not working out for me.”
“You never talk that way, Tess. Not even during your ordeal with Vince. Is this about him?”
“No. It’s about David and I don’t want to talk about that, either.”
She could still see his stunned face when she told him what happened with Lance and Vince at her house. Then again when she walked out on him. That had been three days ago. Since then, they’d only spoken to each other about the arsons. Neither had called or visited the other.
“We’re here.” Trish pulled into the parking lot of a place called Ax Throwing. “Before you say anything, this is heroes’ night. First responders, doctors, etc. are competing.”
Tess chuckled. “At ax throwing? I’ve heard about the trend but I have no idea what happens.”
“That’s why we came early. We’re getting instructions before the tournament starts.”
“We’re in a tournament?” Brooke asked.
“Of sorts.” She gave each of them name tags and put hers on. “All the proceeds from the entrance fee and donations from area businesses go to a charity.”
They waited.
“Brooke, it’s for the Crystal City Cancer Center.”
“How sweet. What do we owe you?”
“JJ and I got this,” Trish said. “No arguments. Now, let’s go.”
They climbed out of the car and walked into the medium- size building that resembled a small bowling alley. A few dozen cages instead of lanes sprawled before them. It smelled faintly of perspiration. JJ waited for them with Lynne and Annie by the door. They’d all been told to wear comfortable clothes with a shirt that wasn’t too tight or too loose, along with the boots they wore with their uniforms. They looked…shabby, except for Brooke who could wear a canvas sack and be stunning.
“Hi, there.” JJ grinned. “Jason’s waiting for us.”
“Who’s Jason?” Annie asked.
“He’s giving us instructions on how to participate.”
Lynne said, “Sounds like fun.”
Brooke agreed.
They entered a section of the building with one throwing cage and several stools. “Hey, Jase.”
He crossed to Trish and kissed her cheek. “Babe.”
“Don’t let my guy hear you call me that!”
Since meeting Nathan, and taking courses for the paramedic exam, she’d gotten cocky at times.
When he turned to them, Tess saw he was a very good-looking man, with Irish black hair and blue eyes. God placed his features in just the perfect spot and gave him a body to match. She decided to enjoy this.
After they were perched on stools, he gave them a toothpaste-commercial smile. “I’m a trained paramedic and ax thrower so I can teach you how to do this or take care of you if you get hurt.”
The women laughed. They all liked black humor.
“First off, you need a sharp ax. It’s counterintuitive, but the sharper the blade the safer it is. A dull ax won’t stick on the target and could ricochet off and hurt somebody. Second, make sure there’s a six-foot radius clear around you, and obviously that there’s nobody between you and the target.”
“Seriously? Who wouldn’t know that?” This from Lynne.
“You’d be surprised. People aren’t cognizant of their surroundings, even here. So make sure you check right before you throw.” He walked to a cage off to the left. “I need a volunteer for this.”
Annie shot up, surprising Tess. Jase smiled at her when she approached him. “You’ll only learn the two-handed throw, because it’s safer for beginners. Remember, strength doesn’t matter. Don’t try to throw hard. Now…Annie,” he said looking at her tag. “Face the target.” Which had four rings and a red bullseye. He moved Annie to pivot and handed her an ax.
“I’m looking around. No one in my radius.”
“Good girl.” He got behind her. “May I?”
“Of course.” Firefighters and paramedics were touchers.
“Gingerly, put your non-dominant hand on the ax, like you would a golf club.” He helped her. “Now, place your dominant hand on the handle closer to the blade.” Again, he moved Annie’s hand. “Then swing it over your head like you would a soccer ball. “Don’t grip the wood, because you won’t keep the throw straight.” Annie did what he asked. “Step down with your non-dominant foot then simultaneously step forward with your dominant foot bringing your arms in front of you parallel to the ground. Release the axe at eye level. Remember throw hard enough to get to the wall, but not too hard or the ax will land flat.”
Annie followed through, and her first ax dug into the board on the outer ring. She punched the air saying, “Yes!”
“Your stance is good. Do it a second time without my help.”
Annie got the swing of it fast and made another throw closer to the bullseye.
He turned to the others. “Now, we’ll try this one at a time, and I’ll adjust your stance and arms like I did with Annie.”
Each woman took a turn. Trish killed it, Tess and Lynne had to throw a few times before the blade stuck, and Brooke did the worst, probably because she was having trouble concentrating. Jason spent more time with her, though he didn’t seem to mind. Surprisingly, JJ didn’t star at this. It took her several adjustments. Trish said, “This just goes to show you anybody can be successful.”
JJ laughed.
Jason smiled. “Let’s go out, ladies. Oh, wait, you need a team name.”
They said together, “Sisters of Fire.”
Not surprisingly, the women recognized other first responders from their department. They greeted them, then took #11.
The cage itself was sectioned off with wood on the bottom and chain-link on top, housing two ax throwing alleys. Twenty cages sprawled across the floor, with a row of large windows on the far wall. Each cage sported two targets, like the one they’d practiced on. Behind them was a bar for soda and dear Lord, beer? Tess questioned the wisdom of serving alcohol with all the axes in play.
Their overseer said, “Sisters of Fire, line up in twos.”
Trish shouted, “Label the target something that’s wrong in your life and ax it out!”
Annie went up first. She didn’t hesitate and yelled, “Uncertainty,” as she threw the ax. The blade hit dead center.
Up next was Brooke. Her expression had turned fierce. Lifting the ax over her head, she shouted, “Cancer. Fucking cancer.”
The others took their turn. JJ threw for discrimination. Lynne for stifling men, and Tess hurled her ax for jealousy. David had been jealous of Lance. The thought made her smile.
The Sisters of Fire didn’t win the competition, but they left uplifted by positive after-effects of catharsis.
* * *
In the wee hours following the ax throwing, Annie sat in the nursery rocking chair. “How can I do this, sweetie?”
Of course, baby Bridget didn’t answer the query. She suckled vigorously on Annie’s breast, the sound loud in the quiet house.
Annie stared blindly at the stenciling she’d done on the walls—safari animals in grey and yellow behind a white picket fence. “I took the allotted twelve weeks family leave and my vacation for another month. In two weeks, I have to return to my job.”
She rocked and rocked but no clarity came. She thought back to her conversations with Colin earlier this week. He was her best friend so she’d confessed her worries to him…
“It’s going to be so hard to leave the baby.”
His face clouded from where he sat on the deck with her. “I’m sorry. But you’ll adjust, we both will.”
“That’s your answer?”
“We can’t live on my salary. We never have. My mother’s planning on taking care of Bridget if we work the same rotation.”
“She wouldn’t mind waiting for a little longer.”
He stared out at the lawn. “When we got married, you said you wanted to work after we had kids.”
She was silenced by his dismissal of her feeling.
“Do you want to work, Annie?”
“Yes,” she said, her voice elevated. “I was just telling you how sad I am at leaving her.”
He’d gotten up then, crossed to her and knelt in front of her. “I should be able to express what I think, too, sweetheart. I want what’s best for you. For us.”
“I see…”
After that exchange, she found it hard now to confide in him. The thought brought tears to her eyes. “What am I going to do, baby? What am I going to do?”
When Annie finished feeding Bridget, she laid her gently in the white crib and went into hers and Colin’s bedroom. Crawling under the covers, she turned her head into the pillow and cried.
* * *
The academy was deserted when David arrived on the holiday. He was so lonely at home he thought he might jump out of his skin. Even more so because Tess was spending July Fourth with her family and had invited him. But he declined.
Sighing, he went to unlock her adjoining door, but he had to try twice. His hands were shaking with what he was about to do. Still, he went inside and immersed himself in her space. The scent of flowery lotion he’d tasted all over her skin filled his head. Hell, he had to stop this. Hope had been dead only a few weeks. His guilt over making love with another woman overpowered him.
Back in his office, he sat at his desk and booted up his computer and clicked into his email. None from her, nor had any arrived late last night. He wrote what he had to.
Dearest Tess,
Let me start out with the most important thing: I love you more than you’ll ever know. I acted badly this past week and I’m sorry for that. My behavior was a combination of things: guilt over my love for you, jealousy of Lance and Vince, and the still-deep pain of losing Hope. I’m not asking you to forgive me. You would, I know, because you love me. But that’s not what I want now.
Please try to understand that I can’t take our relationship further. It’s too soon after Hope’s death. I don’t care about appearances, but I’m not myself yet. In truth, I don’t recognize who I am these days. I’ve lost my place in the world. And I’m afraid you’re the casualty.
Move on with your life. If you’d like a transfer to another department, I can arrange that. I prefer we stay colleagues, and friends, but you have to decide what’s best for you.
This note isn’t a coward’s way out. It seems I can’t assemble my thoughts in conversation with you and this message is too important to bungle.
I hope you understand.
Best,
David
It took all his willpower to press send. After, he was driven to call up his photos, and clicked on a picture of her he’d taken outside at a picnic. He traced the windblown hair that had sifted through his fingers like silk. Outlined her jaw, the mouth he’d taken with such passion. His finger went down her bare arms. Before he clicked out of the picture, he caught a glimpse of those eyes that had sparkled with passion. In the photo, they held only trust. He sucked in his breath and closed the file. But he couldn’t close out the remorse that curled inside of him, not about Hope this time, but for rejecting Tess.
* * *
Tess gave the Coney Island sauce for the hot dogs one last stir as she stood over the stove. Suddenly, her face flushed and her stomach pitched. She ignored it.
Just as she’d ignored the stupid email she’d received this morning from David saying they would have no romantic relationship. To what degree they would remain friends was her choice.
He wanted her to move on with her life. Without him.
Her stomach roiled again, and her hand covered it. Damn. This couldn’t be, not after his note. It just couldn’t.
Across the kitchen at the island, Rose was making potato salad. She’d already prepared one with macaroni and whipped up coleslaw from scratch. “Tess, are you all right? You look a little green.”
“Yeah, the heat got to me.”
“Why don’t we switch places? It’s cool over here with the breeze from the doorway.”
“Sounds good.”
Tess sat on a bar stool and mixed the mayonnaise with pickle juice and mustard. The yellowish color made her swallow hard.
“Tell me again who’s coming.”
“Lynne’s bringing her kids. Phillip’s the same age as Isabella and Melody likes to play with Maria, though Mel is nine.”
“Do they all get along?”
“Uh-huh. When the girls first met them, they remarked how Philip was nothing like their brother. Which about broke my heart.”
“Oh, honey, you felt the same about your brother. And sometimes your sister.”
“Not anymore.” She smiled wistfully. “I wish they lived closer.” Her brother had moved to California and became a giant in Silicon Valley. Her sister married a doctor she’d met at a conference, quit nursing and moved to his hometown in Arizona.
“They’re happy. But you’re right, I miss them, too. Thank God for you and the girls moving in here.”
“Aw, Mom.”
“I know I was hesitant at first.”
“It was an adjustment.”
“No, I just didn’t want to clutter your life.”
“You simplified it so much for me.”
“I see that now. Is Vinny coming today?”
“He’s supposed to. That would be nice because Brooke’s boys are around his age.”
“Brooke will be here, too? That poor woman.”
“No. She’s staying with Zach. Lynne’s picking up the boys.”
“Of course, David coming, right?”
“I invited him. He refused. He’s still grieving and doesn’t feel like partying.”
“That man. He doesn’t know what’s good for him.”
“But Trish and Nathan had no plans, so I invited them, too.” Annie was spending today with her in-laws, and JJ volunteered to work a shift for somebody with kids.
“How about you, Mom?”
“I invited Martha from next door.”
“Ah, she’s probably lonely. With her husband just gone. And they had no children.”
When preparations were finished, the guests started to arrive. They were enjoying snacks before a barbeque of spare ribs and hot dogs, and the kids had paired off. Brooke’s boys wandered to the back of the yard, to wait for Vinny.
Who walked around the side of the house. He crossed to her. “Dad dropped me off.”
“I’m so glad you’re here.” She ruffled his hair.
He said, “Oh, Mom,” and shook her hand off, but not in a surly way.
“Grayson and Jordan arrived already. You like them, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Where are they?”
“Back there.” She pointed to the tree.
Before he left, he kissed her cheek. She reveled in the unexpected affection.
The day was lovely and Tess almost forgot about David and his hurtful letter. Until midnight, when she woke up suddenly, rushed to the bathroom, and wretched violently.
As she sat back on her legs on the bathroom floor and put her head in her hands, she admitted it was finally time to face some facts.