Possibilities
Monsignor Roberge, badly shaken by the news of the sudden death of his brother Lionel, maintained his composure and was more than helpful consoling the children and assisting with the final arrangements.
As Addy and the children sat in the front row of Blanchard’s Funeral Home, waiting for the mourners to file past Lionel’s casket, Addy’s mind drifted off to the day she had first seen Helena again. It was in this same room, at the wake of dear Mary Kurowski, Helena’s mom. That time seemed far away; their lives had changed so much since then. Addy stood up quickly as the first few people in the line of sympathizers came over to greet the children and her. The funeral home was crowded: neighbors, church members, Lionel’s co-workers, the children’s teachers and schoolmates--an endless stream of faces awkwardly muttering condolences.
After the funeral Mass and rite of burial at the cemetery, Monsignor Roberge extended an invitation to everyone present to join the Roberge family for lunch at “Lido’s,” the new Italian restaurant in town. The crowd thinned out considerably, and Helena was relieved that there would not be an overabundance of supporters at the restaurant. She recalled the day of her mom’s funeral and how dreadfully hot it had been. Thank God it was still winter. All she wanted to do was get back to the farm, kick off her high heels, and get drunk. Never in her wildest fantasies about killing Lionel off, did she ever imagine that an elk would be the demise of the poor slob.
Helena insisted that after the funeral Addy and the kids stay on at the farm indefinitely. Addy did not protest. She dreaded going back to her house, which was plagued by Lionel’s dark spirit. Addy was superstitious about people who met with violent deaths. She believed that they could never rest in peace and returned to disturb the lives of those they had left behind.
In a week, the children returned to school. Addy still wandered about aimlessly in Helena’s house. She could not even cook, but people had brought them enough meals to last a month. Helena did not push Addy but knew some plans had to be made eventually. Did Lionel have a will? Did he own life insurance? What about the mortgage on the house?
There were some storms in January, so the kids got several snow days. Addy was glad to have them around, even though she didn’t know what to say about their father. The three children tried to act as if nothing had ever happened. Addy doubted she was handling the situation responsibly, but she just didn’t know what to do. These were the times she wished she was more religious. Perhaps then, she could reassure the children that their dad was in “a better place.”
Come February, Addy had still not talked about what she was going to do next. Helena felt it was time to discuss how they would sort out Lionel’s financial affairs. One bright, chilly morning, while the two friends finished their coffee and marveled at how sunny it was for February, Helena broached the topic.
“Addy, did Lionel have a lawyer?” she asked gently.
Addy thought for a moment and then remembered that he did. “Yes. He’s Turner Boyd, the same lawyers my aunts had.”
“We are going to have to see him soon. Do you know if Lionel had a will?”
Addy was embarrassed to say she did not know. It would seem a husband would share such information with his wife, but Lionel always said Addy was dense when it came to financial matters.
Helena asked Addy if it would be OK for her to call and make an appointment to see Attorney Boyd, and said, “I’ll go with you.”
“Sure,” Addy agreed, relieved that she did not have to see the lawyer alone. Sometimes she wondered if she was becoming a burden to her friend.
Attorney Boyd had an opening for that Friday. Addy dreaded going. She hated to appear so stupid about her husband’s finances. When Addy saw Attorney Boyd, however, she felt very much at ease. He was a gentle soul, but extremely competent.
After Counselor Boyd expressed his condolences, he opened a folder containing a thick stack of papers.
“Lionel has provided well for you,” Attorney Boyd began. “He purchased mortgage insurance so your house will be paid off due to his death. We just have to deliver his death certificate to the bank. In addition, he had a life insurance policy with a cash value of … $500,000 for accidental death.”
Addy looked at Helena with disbelief. Lionel with THAT much life insurance?
Attorney Boyd continued, “Lionel was relatively young and in good health so he was able to purchase a large amount of life insurance with considerably low premiums. Insurance companies bank on people living longer than, unfortunately, Lionel did.”
“Is there a will?” Helena asked. She was afraid that Lionel might have left all his assets to the church.
“There’s a simple will,” Attorney Boyd replied. “$450,000 goes to Mrs. Roberge, with the stipulation that she establishes a trust fund for the children’s education, and $50,000 goes to Lionel’s brother, The Monsignor Roberge.”
Tears welled in Addy’s eyes. She couldn’t believe that Lionel had arranged for them to be taken care of so generously. As usual, Helena could almost read Addy’s mind. She had to bite her tongue to keep from blurting, “You have the bruises to show for it.”
After their visit to the lawyer’s office, Helena took Addy out to lunch to “celebrate,” although she was careful not to use that word. Addy was square, had always been square, and would always remain square. Reveling about a windfall that had come at the expense of Lionel’s very life was something Addy could never imagine doing. “No matter what, one must never be happy about something horrible happening to another person,” Addy always told the children.
As Helena looked at Addy sitting across the table, she noticed that, in spite of recent events, Addy looked lovelier and more serene. She had lost a lot of weight during this ordeal, and her narrower face highlighted her delicate features. “So now that you’ve seen the lawyer, what are your plans?’
“About what?” Addy looked startled.
“About what you will do with all that money?”
Addy said, in all seriousness, “Why, I haven’t even thought about it, have you?”
“Of course,” Helena answered animatedly. “Do you want to hear my plans? First, you must sell your house. The farm is your home now.”
“But we can’t move in with you permanently. I know what a private person you are. It would be an infringement,” Addy protested.
“Wait. Here’s what I was thinking. If you would feel better, you can buy the house from me for a dollar. I still have a lot of business to attend to in New York. I keep an apartment there, you know, and besides, I’m not quite ready to put myself out to pasture in CHESTER. Still have miles to go before I sleep.”
A look of anxiety clouded Addy’s face. How would she ever live without Helena in Chester? She had come to depend upon her so much. How had she been so stupid to think Helena would ever settle down on the farm? What an idiot she was at times. Just because she and the kids were happy there, it didn’t mean Helena was. After all, Helena was a woman of the world, used to an exciting life.
Helena said, “Hey, don’t look so worried. I’m not planning to leave any time soon, and I’ll be back and forth. Before I go ANYWHERE, I’m going to teach you how to DRIVE.”
Addy was terrified to drive, but now that Lionel was gone and Helena might be moving back to New York, she really had no choice. Before Addy got behind the wheel with Helena, she would take a few driving lessons. Helena was, of course, a great driver, albeit, a little heavy on the pedal, but Addy was just too ashamed to have Helena witness her ineptitude. Helena thought Addy was being foolish to waste her money on driving school, but Addy insisted.
“Hmm …” Helena mused. “You are growing a backbone, Mon Cheri. I can count on one hand those who dare defy my decrees.” Then, they both laughed. What a warm and easy friendship they shared. To have someone you trust implicitly, and who is always in your corner, is a priceless gift. Addy and Helena shared this blessing and would remain ever-grateful for it the rest of their lives.
Learning to drive was grueling for Addy. Her biggest fear was that she would have an accident and kill someone. She took several lessons but could tell her driving instructor did not have any confidence in her ability. Helena took her to empty parking lots when all the stores were closed on Sundays. They practiced ceaselessly. Helena assured Addy that winter was the best time to learn to drive because if you can drive in icy conditions, you can drive anywhere. Addy wasn’t so sure about that. When she felt the car spinning out of control, she panicked. Eventually they decided to put the remainder of the lessons on hold until spring.
“I’m not letting you off the hook, you know,” Helena warned. “We’re just taking a little respite, but we’ll pick up in April.”
Helena decided that the only time Addy and she would return to Addy’s house was to make cosmetic improvements to put it up for sale.
“Look at it objectively,” Helena told Addy. “Look at it as projects … like you never lived there.”
They did hire painters to freshen up all the rooms, had new carpet installed, and cheery slipcovers made for the living room furniture. They scrubbed the bathroom, changed the shower curtain, had all the windows in the house washed, and hired a landscaper to beautify the front and back yards. Cosmo and the kids cleaned out the basement and gathered items to donate to the Salvation Army. Spring was a particularly good time to sell a home because families fleeing from larger cities often wanted to get their children situated in a suburban school system come fall.
The house seemed to take on a new life, and Addy, in her characteristic mindset of regret, mused, “Why couldn’t the house have looked like this when I lived here?”
Addy knew the answer. Although she did not want to malign the deceased, she recognized that Lionel had never let her fix up their home. She had several times offered to do the wallpapering and painting herself, but Lionel wouldn’t agree to even the cost of one gallon of paint. Their home remained as it was when they were first married, and although Addy was ashamed of its dingy appearance, she had long ago given up on its beautification. How ironic that Lionel had been such a tightwad all his life, and now his money was funding what he would most assuredly have considered an extravagant, unnecessary makeover.
Attorney Boyd’s wife was one of the few female real estate agents, and she worked diligently to help Addy sell the house. Because Addy had the insurance money, she priced the house to sell, and it did. Just two weeks after the house went on the market, several buyers expressed an interest. Judy Boyd particularly liked one young family and asked Addy and Helena to meet them at the property.
In spite of her eagerness to rid herself of the memories the house held for her, Addy had a difficult time with change. On the day that Helena and she were scheduled to meet the couple, Addy was noticeably uneasy. Helena, who knew Addy almost as well as she knew herself asked, “What’s wrong, kid?”
Addy said, “I’m a nervous wreck and don’t know why. Now that the time has come to sell the place, I’m scared.”
That was all Helena needed to hear. “Oh, I forgot. You have those tender memories of your love nest with dearest Lionel; how he worshipped and coddled you; how your wish was his command. I don’t blame you for not wanting to sell the place--shall we take it off the market? How about making it into a shrine for lovers?”
Helena’s ribbing snapped Addy back into reality. They both began to laugh, sending Addy running to the bathroom. It was a beautiful spring day, but Addy was far from trusting that things would turn out all right.
Both Addy and Helena loved the people who were interested in buying Addy’s house. The couple had two small boys, and the wife was pregnant with another child. Ever since they were first married, they had been living in New Haven on the second floor of the three-story house that belonged to the young man’s parents. The tenement was getting too small for their growing family, and the fellow’s parents, who lived on the first floor, frequently complained about the noise the boys made. It had been nice of the parents to charge them only half rent, but this financial break came at a cost. The young man’s parents were Italian immigrants, and the father ruled with an iron hand. He bossed his son and daughter-in-law, expecting them to raise their boys as he said as well as doing all the maintenance around the property. Of course, the old man’s attitude made for a good deal of marital strife for the couple. All they wanted was to move into a home of their own.
Addy was sold on this young family. She knew they must have been sinking every cent into buying the house so in private negotiations with Judy Boyd, Addy dropped the selling price down by $2,000 and said the couple could have any or all of the contents of the house.
The young couple could not believe how they had stumbled upon such a generous seller. Their luck was certainly changing. After they moved into their new home, Addy brought over one of her coffee cakes, and she exchanged phone numbers with them. Helena and she just had to know whether the new baby would be a girl or boy. Maybe their family would even like to come out to the farm someday.
Helena knew Addy had a long way to go before she began to believe in herself. Learning to drive was the first step, but there were still many obstacles remaining. One evening after dinner while Helena and Addy were sitting alone in the farmhouse kitchen drinking coffee and eating tomato soup cake, Helena revealed her latest idea to Addy.
“My next plan for you is--are you ready for this--to open a BAKERY!”
Addy looked at her friend as if she had finally snapped. “Are you crazy? I don’t even want to discuss it. I have no idea how to run a business, and even if I did, it would be sure to fail.”
Helena was weary of handling Addy with kid gloves and said tetchily, “Look, you are a widow with three children to support. You have plenty of money so if the bakery fails, you can just write it off. Nobody needs to know Lionel left insurance money. People will just think you are using the money you got for your house. Besides, who cares what people think? They’ll feel sorry for the poor widow and buy your cakes. I hate to say this, Addy, but it’s time for you to stand on your own two feet.”
All Addy heard was, “time to stand on your own two feet,” and immediately spiraled into shame and self-hatred. Her eyes welled with tears, suspecting Helena had most definitely grown tired of her and thought she was a worthless, helpless, baby.
“Addy, I didn’t mean to upset you. All I want is for the kids and you to enjoy some of the happiness you’ve missed out on in life. The bakery can be a family affair, and the kids can work there, too. Can’t you just see Mary bustling around, waiting on customers?”
Helena was right. Addy knew she had been a disgraceful mouse all her life, and she did not want to be a weakling anymore. She had to show her kids that she was someone upon whom they could always depend. Helena was the only strong person in their lives; what would they do if Helena went away?
The next day, Addy told the kids she had something to talk about with them. The kids seemed delighted because ever since Lionel died and the house had been sold, no one seemed to say much to them about anything. Addy explained how Helena had the idea of opening a bakery. At first, it seemed like an outlandish notion, but after she contemplated, it didn’t seem like such a crazy idea after all. She told the kids that as a child, she always dreamed of having a bakery of her own. Even after the kids went off to college, Addy said, they could work in the bakery in the summers. Before she got too excited about the prospect of a business, however, Addy wanted to see what the kids thought.
Of course, the children loved the idea. They could see the sparkle in their mom’s eye while she was talking about it; a gleam they had rarely seen before. Straightaway, they started thinking of names for their pastry shop. When Helena heard the enthusiastic chatter, she rushed into the room. Suspecting the kids had given their stamp of approval on the bakery idea, she piped in with, “How about ‘Addy’s Dream?’ Isn’t that a DREAMY name for a bakery?”
The boys rolled their eyes at Helena’s pun.
“Hold it a minute, everyone!” Peter shouted excitedly. “First we have to figure out where we can find a building for the bakery, and all that other stuff.” As the eldest, Peter felt he was now the man of the family and was enjoying his new status.
“You’re right, Pete,” Addy said. “I’ll have to do some investigating first. We have a lot to learn about the ‘dough’ business before we start making any ‘dough.’”
The boys groaned at her corny joke, but Helena said, “Good one, Addy.”
Helena was always self-assured, but now she felt like “Wonder Woman,” the Justice League Heroine. Boy am I good, she thought smugly. She had been instrumental in changing Addy from a shrinking violet into an Amazon--well, maybe not an Amazon yet, but a Jane Eyre, at least.
Addy could not sleep that night. Opening a bakery was a far-fetched idea, and, of course, she was scared to death. Yet, she wanted to show Helena and the children that she was self-reliant and brave. Addy didn’t know how to be courageous, but maybe by doing things that built self-confidence, she would learn. What if the bakery was a huge flop? Well, others greater than she had failed but tried again. Addy had always liked to read about famous people who overcame great obstacles and never gave up.
She recalled that Henry Ford failed and went broke five times before succeeding. F.W. Woolworth wasn’t allowed to wait on customers when he worked in a dry goods store because his boss said he didn’t have any sense. Why even Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four or read until he was seven. His parents and teachers thought he was mentally slow. Now, Addy, don’t even think about comparing yourself to Einstein, she thought and smiled, falling into a pleasant sleep.
The next morning, Addy awakened to the smell of fresh coffee that Helena had just made. It was Saturday, and the kids were already down in the barn helping Cosmo. Addy was embarrassed that she had slept in while Helena fixed breakfast for the children. She grabbed her robe and rushed downstairs.
“I’m so sorry you had to make breakfast. I don’t know why I slept so late,” Addy apologized.
“Hey, I may be no cook, but at least I scramble a mean egg and make good coffee. Besides, if we’re ever going to get this bakery opened, I have to start learning so I can help you out. What do you think … should we serve breakfast there?”
“That might be trying to take on too much at once. Maybe just coffee and pastries to start? Do you remember the bakery near our school when we were kids? We used to buy a bag of crumbs for a nickel. My aunts always said the crumbs were swept up from the floor, but we didn’t care. How odd when I think of it now--selling crumbs--maybe they were supposed to be for the birds?”
Helena laughed. “You have such a good memory, Addy. I had forgotten all about that. Those crumbs were good, though. I would lick my finger and put it in the bag so the crumbs would stick to it.”
“Such simple times, right?” Addy mused.
“Now, don’t change the subject. We are going to see our realtor next week and have her locate a building for us. She did a great job selling your house, don’t you think?”
Addy nodded in agreement. “You know what? I’m going to go through my recipes and find the ones that can be doubled or tripled without losing their flavor. The Protestant churches always have church suppers so they must have recipes that can feed a crowd. Maybe there are cookbooks at the library or maybe I can ask at one of the churches …”
Pleased that Addy’s train of thought was back on track, Helena said, “The first thing we have to do is develop a business plan, and I can help with that. Then, of course, we have to decide if we want to buy a bakery that’s already established or purchase a building and then buy the equipment. It would be more feasible to buy one that has all the ovens and machines, but chances of our finding one like that might be slim.”
In the next few weeks, Judy Boyd took Addy and Helena to several potential buildings, but the negatives of each outweighed the positives. Either the location was bad or the building would be too difficult to convert to a bakery. Finally, Helena decided to become proactive and approach bakery owners about selling their businesses.
Most pastry shops had sprung up in ethnic neighborhoods and had been passed down through the generations, like Faranelli’s, famous for its rum cakes and Italian cookies. Helena visited every bakery in the vicinity, but none seemed positioned to sell.
One possibility might be Mother Emmanuelson’s Scandinavian Bakery on the same street as St. Michael’s Church. This shop had been in town for years and enjoyed a steady flow of customers after Mass. When Helena stopped in, the bakery was very busy, and the elderly couple who owned it didn’t come up for air. They had to be in their seventies and looked totally overwhelmed. Helena heard that their son was part owner of the business, but he was not around that day. Helena went back a couple of times just to evaluate the situation. She bought a cup of coffee and a fabulous Danish and then brought a box of pastries home for Addy and the kids.
When Helena returned to Emmanuelson’s a third time, she got lucky. The son, Jensen, was working, and the parents were not there. He had to be in his fifties, so maybe the parents were older than she thought. He also looked worn out. The shop was not busy, and Helena wasted no time turning on her charm and flirting a bit. He was wearing a name badge so Helena pounced on that immediately.
“Good morning, Jensen,” Helena quipped. “Smells great in here.”
The weary shopkeeper looked up, smiled, and said, “Good morning. May I help you?”
Helena ordered a cherry-cheese Danish and coffee. She sat down at one of the four marble tables, and Jensen quickly brought her order. As he turned to go back to work, Helena said demurely, “Jensen, could you sit down and talk for just a minute?”
Her request caught Jensen off guard, and before he had time to think, he answered, “Sure. Let me get myself a cup of coffee.” He seemed relieved to take a break from his work. After he joined Helena, they made small talk, and when Jensen seemed more relaxed, Helena broached the topic of selling the bakery. She was prepared for any response from outrage to acceptance.
Surprisingly, Jensen was somewhat receptive. “You know, we haven’t ever considered selling the business, but you have got me to thinking. My parents are almost ninety, and they don’t have half the energy they once had. I’ve been part of the business since I was a kid. Frankly, I am sick of it. We don’t need the money anymore, but this bakery is my parents’ life. They have too much pride to admit they are getting too old for this. I don’t want to end up like them.”
Jensen looked worried. He knew it would be a hard sell. Impossible even, but he could give it a try. Helena finished her coffee and left her phone number. “Thanks for hearing me out. After you talk to your parents, and they have time to consider our outlandish proposal, give me a call.”
Helena then flashed her killer smile at Jensen, just as if he were the only man on the planet.
“I will call you,” Jensen said. “Can’t promise you anything, but it’s worth a shot. My parents are stubborn.”
Helena decided to let it be until she heard from Jensen. The last thing she wanted was to badger him or his parents. If she behaved badly, she might ruin her plans for Addy’s big chance.
Three weeks passed before Helena heard from Jensen. He apologized for keeping her waiting so long, but his mother had been hospitalized, and his dad and he had been running the bakery alone. Jensen had always wanted to hire help, but his parents would never hear of it. Maybe now that Mama was ill, his parents would realize they just could not do it by themselves anymore. He told Helena that he was going to first try talking with his mother.
Of course, Jensen did not have the power to make decisions about the business, but while his mom was resting in the hospital and his dad was out of earshot, Jensen brought up the topic of the bakery. His mother, Anesa, was far more reasonable than his father was, and she was strong enough now so this discussion would not contribute to her infirmity. She was surprisingly interested in the idea. Mama told Jensen she had approached Papa many times about retiring, but he had always said he would never close the bakery.
“What if instead of closing the bakery, he sold it to someone? Maybe the people would let him stay on as long as he wanted so he could show them how to run things. He would like that, don’t you think, Mama?”
“Jensen you know how your Papa is. He’s stædig som en okse (stubborn like an ox).”
“I know, I know, Mama. Why do you think I never argue with him? He won’t stop until he wins … I don’t even bother,” Jensen agreed in a frustrated tone.
Jensen’s mother looked sad. “Papa has not been fair to you. If he didn’t make you stay in the bakery all your life, maybe you would have gone to college or maybe you would have found a wife.”
“Don’t blame Papa because I didn’t find a wife. I guess I was just too busy to find one, but I am getting sick and tired of the bakery. My dream is to travel … maybe see the old country … maybe you and Papa could come with me.”
Anesa’s cloudy blue eyes suddenly sparkled. “I have longed to see my country again before I die, but we have always been too busy with the bakery. That would be wonderful, and I could show you all the places I knew as a girl …”
“That’s it, Mama. We are going. Papa likes to pretend he is as strong as he was when he was younger, but he is getting old. I notice how he walks slower and takes longer to fill the orders. His hearing is failing, too.”
Anesa said she wanted to rest now so Jensen kissed her “good-bye,” and said he would be back the next day. When he returned home, he called Helena to update her on the progress.
“I talked to my mother today, and she seems like she would be for the idea. I’m not sure how you feel about this, but I suggested that the new owner might let my father stay on to help run the bakery. I’m sure he would be proud to show off all his knowledge, but I don’t know how you feel about that,” Jensen said somewhat nervously.
Helena thought for a moment. They certainly didn’t have any deadlines, and they did not know the first thing about running a bakery. Maybe having the old man stay on wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
“We would consider that, sure,” Helena said agreeably. “Just try getting your father to see the benefits of selling the business. Then we can work out all the details.”
“That’s good. When my mother comes home from the hospital, I will bring up the subject with my father. Right now, he’s fretting over Mama’s health, and I know he’s not in the mood to talk about anything …”
After speaking with Jensen, Helena felt confident that she could make this deal a reality for Addy and the kids. It would take patience, diplomacy, and probably a lot of fawning over the old man. After all, the couple had no grandchildren so they might take a liking to Addy’s brood. Plus, Addy and the children were not only sweet creatures, but Addy was a widow and the children now fatherless. Maybe the old fellow’s heart would soften after he has gotten to know the Roberge family. Time would tell.
Helena and Addy put the prospect of a bakery on the back burner while they had the first floor of the farmhouse renovated. This time Addy insisted on paying for the work. Part of her felt guilty for using the money she had received from the sale of her house and Lionel’s insurance money to fund the renovations. They wanted to keep the integrity of the old home intact so made only a few necessary and decorative changes like having new windows installed; refinishing the hardwood floors; and wallpapering and painting all the rooms. Would people look at her as the greedy widow spending blood money? As much as she tried to feel sorrow about Lionel’s death, she felt only emptiness. Addy continually reminded herself that Lionel was, after all, the father of her beautiful children. He had supported them while he was alive and had provided handsomely for them upon his death.
The children had mixed feelings, too. They knew that when a dad dies, kids should be crying inconsolably. Mary was the only emotional one of the three, and even she had cried for just a little while. How could life be progressing so smoothly--in fact, even better than before? Guilt, such an integral part of their Catholic upbringing, was having somewhat of an effect upon them all but was, fortunately, not eating them up inside.
Now that Lionel had died, Addy was free to think about Greg without feeling adulterous. She wondered how Allison and he were doing up in Maine. Did he have a woman by now? Most likely ... he was so desirable. How he had found her attractive, Addy would never know. He was lonely and desperate. That must be it. One of the things that had kept Addy back in life was the fear of making a fool of herself. Had she done that with Greg? What if she had been laughable and repulsive in bed, but Greg was so lonely that he put up with her? At times, she thought about contacting him but was afraid to do so. Sure, things had been going her way since Helena came to town. Addy had always thought of herself as a very unlucky person, and although her luck seemed to be changing, she dare not let down her guard. Helena brought her luck, but every person’s run of good luck has to end eventually. She made up her mind never to contact Greg. If he rejected her, all the good that had entered her life would evaporate, and she would spiral into obsessive thinking about her inadequacies. Why invite trouble?