Chapter Eight

I’m lounging around the park for a few minutes, grateful for the time I have to myself before Zahra arrives. I wrack my brain, trying to understand how things have gotten to this point in such a short amount of time. I need to get my life together with the quickness. Once we’re in each other’s space, anything can happen.

My stomach knots up in every way imaginable, my thoughts racing through my head at speeds that would have made Usain Bolt jealous. Weeks ago, I was still at my nana’s, settling into a rhythm and figuring out what to do about my junior year. Now, I’m in a new town, new high school, and might be barreling headfirst into a full-blown… I don’t know what to call this thing between me and Zahra.

No matter how much I try to rationalize it, I’m at a complete loss over how I managed to capture her attention. Hell, I’m not anyone special. I’m simply doing me.

I glance around the spot I’ve chosen, Palmetto Square Park. I don’t know Oakwood Grove all that well; I literally googled somewhere to meet up. She lit up when I suggested it, so I guess I got something right.

I stroll around the park until I find an empty bench in a row of them, surrounded by the ever-present Southern Live Oaks that lead to the iconic fountain in the center of the park. At least, that’s what the article I found said. Did I go too far in choosing a location to have a first conversation? What if she takes this the wrong way? Ugh, I have half a mind to text her and suggest somewhere else.

The way the trees frame the fountain to near perfection calms me a little bit. The pattern of the water spraying from the statues adorning the fountain provides a quick inspiration to sketch. The branches offer an eerie yet beautiful and mysterious intimacy that lends a glimpse into what’s on my mind and heart.

The waning sunlight gives way to the ambiance of the evening. By Nyati, I’m starting to sound like a whole sappy romance movie. I mean, who says words like “ambiance?” Am I overthinking all of this? It’s only a conversation, right? But, like, what if I read this the wrong way? What if I’m making this more than it is?

I almost decide to text her to meet me somewhere else…anywhere that doesn’t feel so over the top. The last thing I need is for her to give me a glance like this isn’t supposed to be what I think it is. That would kill me on the spot. Now, do I want to do something like this for her that includes a location like this? Absolutely. But right now? The more I think about it, the more anxious I become.

Then something strange happens.

A warmth I haven’t felt since I heard my mother’s voice radiates through my body, calming things down within minutes. It doesn’t last too long, since my emotions insist on ruling instead of logic, but I sense everything at this point. I need to get it under control.

I check my watch, realizing that Zahra’s at least twenty minutes late. I shake my head, willing every negative thought out. I have to keep it together. There are too many people in the area for me to lose it.

I think about texting her, but I don’t want to look clingy, either. I should have known she wouldn’t show. Maybe it’s all an act in the first place. Why does she want to bother with me, anyway? I figure I’ll chill here for a few more minutes before I head home.

Before I can make a move to stand, I hear something rumbling. It sounds…I don’t know, like a growl, to the point where I check around me, thinking there’s a wild animal in the area. The growling continues, low and rumbling, and before long, I hear a voice.

“Relax, be patient, kiddo. She will arrive soon.”

I panic, my eyes widening as I scan the area around me. Why am I hearing a voice that doesn’t belong to me, and why is it telling me to stay and wait for Zahra?

“Trust me, Ya-Ya. This one is special,” the voice continues, sending the familiar warmth to calm me. “I promise, you won’t regret it.”

“Dad, is that you?” I whisper into the air, wanting desperately for it to be him.

“Hi, Yasir, sorry I’m late. There was an engineer’s club meeting that got called at the last minute—” Zahra stops in front of me, a worried expression splashed across her face. “Are you okay?”

I close my eyes, cursing under my breath. “Sorry, I was trying to settle my nerves. I wasn’t ignoring you, promise. I’ve been looking forward to this all day, but I wasn’t sure if you would show or not.”

Zahra scratches her head. “Um, did you check your phone? I sent you a text, like, twenty minutes ago.”

Nah, I can’t be that clueless, right? I pull my phone from my pocket, and to my shock, the message she mentioned pops onto the screen. I don’t have the guts to meet her gaze. I feel like an idiot for not doing something so damned simple. “I’m sorry, I guess I zoned out a little too deep.”

Zahra sits on the bench, turning her body toward me. “It’s okay. You can make it up to me in the future.”

I grin, thankful she’s letting me off the hook. I take a deep breath, running my hands through my twists before I think about what I want to say. I come up with absolutely…nothing. “I feel like I have all these questions, and now that you’re here in front of me… I don’t know where to start.”

“I think we’re in the same boat,” she admits. “I’m still trying to figure out how we got here, too. It feels so wild, but it’s been that kind of a week.”

You have no idea, girl. I steel myself before I gaze into her eyes, hoping I won’t fall victim to the way she looks at me. Nope, doesn’t work. Her eyes leave me so enchanted, it should be illegal. I can’t stop staring, no matter how badly I want to stop.

I focus on her, watching as her eyes widen, feeling my heart skip a beat when she winks at me, wanting desperately to know what’s on her mind and petrified over the answers. Her eyes are so clear, the most brilliant shade of jade I’ve ever seen in my life.

Wait…weren’t her eyes hazel-green? How are they so much greener right now?

I place my hand on top of her thigh, feeling her tremble beneath my fingers. I sigh, happy and freaked out over her reaction all at the same time. I finally have a real idea that I’m not in this alone. Maybe she’s as nervous as I am, too.

“How…how did we get here, Z? I’m trying to understand, and I can’t come up with any realistic reason. I haven’t been here long, and the next thing I know, we’re…well, here.”

She slips her hand on top of mine, sending an electrical surge through me. How in the entire hell did that happen? “Well, to be honest…you sorta had my attention the minute you stepped on campus.”

“Wait…what?”

Zahra averts her gaze for a few moments before facing me again. She slides closer into my space, staring into my eyes. “I can’t explain why you’re on my mind so much, and to be honest, I don’t know if I like it or not.”

I inch away from her when she says that, flinching when she tries to reach for my hand. I don’t want to react that way—every fiber in my being rebels against it—but the confusion I feel over what I think and what she just admitted to has me stuck. “So what exactly is this, then?”

I start to pull away, but she grabs my hands, and I freeze. Her hands feel sweaty, or maybe I imagine they are to keep from thinking about how wet my palms are to the touch. I don’t have the heart to face her after what I said seconds ago, not wanting to see the disappointed expression I assume will be on her face.

Instead, I feel her fingers caressing my cheek. I close my eyes, leaning into the sensation, surrendering to my selfish desires to not have her hand leave my skin. I hold on to the thoughts in my head, hoping her small gesture leads to something more… Only I don’t know what more I want, much less what I can handle.

“Yasir…I know it might not mean a lot right now, but I hope that things are getting easier,” she says to me. “I’ve been in Oakwood Grove since I was a little girl, so I can’t imagine what it must be like for you. Can you forgive me for not understanding?”

I clasp my hand over hers, even as it still lies on my face. I hear the mysterious voice in my head, urging me to get my genuine feelings out. “I’d be lying if I said that I want to be living here…but I do know one thing. I have feelings for you. It’s made being here a little easier.”

Zahra stares into my eyes, making me melt instantly. “So does that mean you forgive me?”

I study her face, taking special notice of the way her lip quivers. Her hand hasn’t left my face the entire time; if anything, she presses it deeper into my skin, playing with the area where my dimple normally shows. I take my hand and caress her cheek, lighting up the minute I see the smile spread across her lips. I can forgive anything if I get to see that smile every chance I get.

I break the silence between us, giving a subtle nod I hope she doesn’t see. “I forgive you, Z.”

Her smile widens, her face glowing under the waning light giving way to the sunset. “Thank you. I was worried there for a minute.”

“So, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, what’s on your mind?” I ask as my gaze lingers over her face. “I mean, we were supposed to be getting to know each other, right?”

“Now that you mention it…” she ponders. “Where are you from? I know you came here from Atlanta, but where were you born?”

I scratch my head, trying to pull the answer out of my head to respond to her question. The more I think about it, the more frustrated I become. “I wish I knew. My nana said that I was brought to her when I was little, after my parents died, and my birth records had to be manufactured so I could live with her in Atlanta.”

“I’m really sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it…”

“No, I mean…they’ve been gone a long time, and as much as I miss them, all I can do is keep them in my thoughts and my heart as best I can,” I try to explain. “All I’ve known…all I can remember…is growing up in the A.”

“So tell me about your nana.”

The mere mention of her warms me up and sparks a curious grin from Zahra. “My nana is the strongest woman I know. The neighborhood I grew up in, they protected her like she was some sort of sacred treasure. The kids I grew up with swore she was a witch, but like a good witch.”

She leans in closer; interest lights up her eyes. “Do you know where your nana is from? Did she ever tell you? Maybe that might help you understand where you’re from.”

She has a point there.

I shrug, unsure of what I want to say. “It never really came up in conversation, to be real. I had questions about my parents while growing up, but she always said that we would have a conversation about it when I was old enough to understand.”

“Well, you’re almost seventeen. I would say that kinda qualifies, right?” she points out. “My daddy always told me that if a person can’t embrace their past, they can’t possibly have a future. Maybe we can talk to your grandmother, see if she might be willing to have that talk, now that you’re ‘old enough’?”

“You…you would do that for me?” I arch my right eyebrow, studying her face. “I don’t know what to say. No one has really ever wanted to… I don’t know where to start. Should I get, like, one of those DNA testing sites or something? I heard they’re really vague.”

She giggles, shaking her head. “We can find another way, starting with your grandmother.”

“Okay and thank you for wanting to help… For real, it means a lot to me.”

I look into her eyes, placing my hands on top of hers. I move closer, almost hoping she would give a clue that she wants me there. I notice her eyes dart from left to right as my lips are so close to hers that I can feel the air as she exhales. I want to kiss her, but I don’t want it to be weird. I lean in to press my lips against hers, closing my eyes to focus on how soft her lips are…until I feel a kiss on my cheek.

“Um, okay, that was awkward.” I hide my disappointment as best I can, but I can’t help wondering if I read the situation wrong after all. “Did I do something wrong?”

Zahra plays in her hair as she avoids my gaze. “Yasir…okay, so I wanted to…but it feels like things are moving so fast right now. We haven’t had a chance to really catch a vibe, and…”

“And what, Z?” I cut her off. A few seconds later, I stop myself, shaking my head several times. I’m not gonna be “that” guy. “You know what? Never mind, I get it. I read this wrong, and I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you. I feel so stupid right now.”

“No, Yasir, it’s not like that at all, it’s just…”

I hold up my index finger, causing her to stop mid-sentence. I shift my body away from her, focusing on one of the trees to keep from looking at her as I search for words. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m kinda… I really like you, Zahra, but I don’t want to make you feel weird around me. I’m still kinda figuring things out here, and there’s something about you that makes me feel safe. Does that make sense at all?”

She grabs my hand, keeping me close to her. She takes her finger and turns my head to face her. “I like you, too, but I don’t think we should rush things. I know it might sound weird, but I feel like I’ve known you forever, and we haven’t been around each other enough for me to feel that way.”

I turn my head away from her, and it’s taking everything within me to suppress the frustration I’m feeling. I want to scream because I can’t understand the mixed signals that I’m getting from her. At the same time, there’s a part of me that feels like things are moving too fast. I mean what I say that I feel safe when I’m around her, probably more than I’ve ever felt around any girl.

I brace myself as I turn to face her again and pray to the gods that I don’t give in the minute I continue the convo.

“So what do we do about this?” I ask, staring into her eyes. “There’s something between us, and I know you feel it, too. I don’t know about you, but I can’t go around acting like we’re good as friends for much longer.”

“How about we just let things flow the way they’re supposed to, and whatever happens happens, and we don’t fight it,” she replies with a shrug. “I don’t know, it sounds like something my mom would say, but it’s a whole other thing to do it for real.”

“All right, I guess we can try that.”

I rise from the bench, pulling her up with me, and escort her back to our cars. I open the door to her car, leaning inside once she settles into the driver’s seat. My gaze widens as I take note of all the tech she has inside her car. From the dashboard to the middle console, I wonder how deeply connected everything is inside. “Um, we need to talk about the IT security upgrades you’re gonna need in your car, for real. I wouldn’t want something this pretty to get hacked.”

“Oh, I don’t think I have to worry about that.” She winks as she presses the ignition button. “I made sure to take all the precautions to keep that from happening.”

I smirk as I pull out my smartphone, open an app, and click a few buttons as Zahra looks on. A few minutes later, I press and hold a button down, and the accelerator pushes down about halfway to the floor.

“What are you— How are you—” she stutters in shock.

I keep clicking on the button, revving the engine without Zahra applying any pressure to it. I continue pressing the button, mimicking her shocked expression before giving a satisfied nod that I’ve proven my point.

“Like I said, we might need to talk. I’m kinda good at what I do,” I tell her as I disengage the app and place my phone back in my pocket. “I enjoyed our talk, and I look forward to the next one. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

She gives me a little wave, and I close the door, waiting for her to pull out of her parking space. Once she leaves, I hop in the driver’s seat of my Jeep before I burst into laughter. It takes the slight pain of the sting out of what happened with that almost-kiss, but I know it’s only temporary. I hope I can recover from that L because that was embarrassing.

So she wants to take it slow. I guess we’ll just have to be friends…for now.