Chapter Eighteen

Panic is coming close to consuming me.

I’m posted up in the parking lot, thoughts racing through my mind as my heart pounds through my chest. I struggle to keep calm, but can you blame me? I mean, after the scene I left about a half hour ago, I’m surprised I remembered how to breathe.

I’ve never felt more alone.

What have I done?

The wind blowing through the trees sends a shiver up my spine, lending to the uncertainty of the moment. I keep Storm running, since the weather decided to turn colder than usual, and I need to keep warm. Or maybe I feel cold because I don’t know what happened at the stadium and I’m left to my vivid and overactive imagination.

I don’t know who I can trust. There’s no way to know if those kids are dead or alive without… I can’t take the chance to go back and find out. I’ll give myself away in a heartbeat. I’m not a criminal, but I would’ve acted like I was guilty.

I play the whole thing out in my head over and over, or as much as I can recall, anyway. The howl of the wind sounds so judgmental, almost condemning me for not sticking around. I convinced myself that not checking the bodies was the right move; my fingerprints would have been all over the place.

Man, I’ve been watching too many episodes of Law & Order: Organized Crime with Unk. At least I called for help before I left the area. If anything, someone will have heard something and relayed the message that those boys aren’t unalive.

Even the campus rattles my nerves a bit. The forest that surrounds the school seems to roil and sway as the wind whips through it. Maybe it’s my own paranoia playing all sorts of tricks on my psyche, but I swear I hear the trees talking among themselves, judging me.

A series of rapid-fire pops causes a fight-or-flight response as I duck down into the middle console to avoid whatever is being shot. But after hearing a few more pops against the hood of my Jeep and then on the ground, I realize it’s nothing more than pecans being shaken from the trees. I grip the steering wheel tight, upset with myself that I’ve gotten so skittish. I need to get my life, quick.

I dial Dante on instinct. I’m not sure if I wanted to call him or not, but I have to get this off my chest. He knows where the other secrets are buried, and I need him to bury one more. I close my eyes as the phone trills, half expecting him to not answer. They’re at a rivalry game, and the noise level has to be ridiculous.

I hear the background noise and know he’s still at the game. “What’s good, little bro? I didn’t expect to hear from you until sometime tomorrow.”

I hesitate in that instant. Do I tell him? Squad will find out the minute I do, and that might create more problems.

“Yo, you good, my boy?”

I’m stuck in my head now, playing a quick game of chess to make sure this is the right move to make. If I tell him, then it gets back to…her. I’m not prepared for that at all, but this has the potential to crush me if I keep it bottled up. Every time I close my eyes, all I see are the bodies lying around me in such unnatural positions that I can’t deny what I’ve done. I have to accept the fact that I might have taken a life.

I want to throw up.

“Diablo.”

That gets my attention. Full stop.

He only uses my nickname when he needs me to focus and get things done. It’s obvious he wants me to focus. Consider me focused. “Hades.”

“Good, you’re hearing me. Now tell me what’s happened.”

I hate when he could read me like that. “I might have gotten hemmed up. I might have caught a few bodies.”

Dead silence on the line for several minutes, except for the shouting and screaming of the crowd in the stands. I don’t freak out yet; this is the routine between me and my “big brother.” I wait for him to sort through his thoughts before I think about saying something.

The background noise dies down, leading me to guess that he’s headed away from the stands so he can hear me clearer. “You might have caught bodies? It’s only been a month. What have you been doing down there?”

I hear a call coming through, and I pull the phone away from my ear and notice it’s Zahra calling me. The game must be over, and they can’t find me. Dammit. Not good. I send the call to voicemail so I can focus on Dante.

“Nothing,” I snap back before I catch myself. “These boys play by a different set of rules down here, Te. All I’ve been doing is keeping my head down and doing me.”

“Yeah, I feel you, but when you’re just doing you, people get salty. You that dude.” Dante starts talking to someone, but I can’t make out the convo between them. He comes back to the phone to make a simple statement that’s not so simple. “Let me move some things around, and we’ll be down there in a couple of weeks.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“It’s obvi to me that it is necessary.” I hear a tone out of Dante that I haven’t heard since someone tried to come for Nana a couple of years ago. “I knew better than to let you talk me out of having someone watch your back down there.”

“Aye, look, I can handle myself,” I bark, this time not caring about how he will respond. “You got me twisted if you’re gonna treat me like some rookie on the block. If you’re coming down here, it’s because you and Squad wanna come through.”

“This isn’t up for discussion. I promised Nana that I would keep you safe.”

“Nope, it isn’t. Leave the heat at home if you come through. I mean it.”

The line goes quiet again, agitating me. I have no intention of backing down this time. I start to get a grip on how things work down here, and the last thing I need is my old life colliding head on with my current one. I’m not ashamed of it, not by a long shot, but I’ve slowly come to the realization that some things don’t need to follow me.

“I got you, Ya-Ya. We’ll wait things out up here…for now.”

I exhale slow and easy, looking skyward, shaking my head over dodging that bullet. “Thanks, big bro. I mean that. I need time to work through things down here. Once I’m good, I’ll make a trip to the A. I miss my people.”

“Yeah, your presence is missed, too…by some more than others.”

Another call comes through from Zahra. I send it to voicemail again, but I know she’s gonna keep calling until I answer my phone. I’ve got to answer it before she panics and gets the rest of the crew involved.

That veiled comment freezes me. “I know what you’re doing, but there’s nothing I can do about that now. I’m iced out, and I can’t get around that.”

“I feel you, and I’ll do what I can on my end. You need to make that right, and you know it.”

“Say less. When I’m up there next. Promise.” I hear the next call from Zahra beeping in my ear, followed by a series of text message notifications. I close my eyes so I can settle myself and not sound so unnerved. “Got another call coming through. I’ll holla at you.”

The call drops before I can switch over, and I almost lose my nerve to call her back. What the hell do I tell her? I still don’t know what I’ve left back there, and I can’t let her know what I know, either.

I take a deep breath and call her before I lose my nerve.

As the line trills, I figure out the best way to handle her the minute she answers the phone. Based on how she reacts, I can adjust from there. I just have to make sure I don’t react to the worry in her voice.

The minute I hear her voice, all those plans fly out the window. “Yasir, tell me you’re okay, please. We heard about what happened in the parking lot outside the stadium. Were you caught up in that?”

Yeah, I better come up with a lie real quick, or this call will go left. “I’m…I’m okay, I promise. I’m on campus waiting for you as we speak. I’m sorry it took so long to get back with you. Something weird happened at the harbor with my uncle’s boat, and we went to check it out.”

I hear nothing but silence for a few seconds, and now it’s my turn to nearly lose my mind. “There was an attack of some sort at the game… Some kids from Beach Creek were hurt, or maybe worse. I was scared that you were caught up with them.”

Thank the gods she doesn’t think I had something to do with it. I breathe a sigh of relief as I get back into the vibe with her the best way I can. “I kept my head on a swivel the whole night. Besides, I can’t get caught up in anything. We have more than a few things to do this weekend. The last thing I want is to add a hospital stay to the itinerary. I don’t look all that good in hospital gowns.”

Zahra stifles a laugh, and I feel a little better. “I can’t wait to see you back at campus.”

“Neither can I…but I have to admit, I may need to be a good boy tonight and take you straight home.” Police lights and sirens pass by me, clearly in a rush to the stadium. I need to keep talking to distract her. “Also, uh…we do have brunch with my uncle and his new girlfriend in the morning.”

There’s a pause. “Um, so when did you plan on telling me about that?”

The accusing tone of her voice throws me off. “I promise, it’s not an ambush. Remember when I told you that once I trusted you, I had no problems telling you things as I learn them? Well…about that.”

“I want to choke you right now,” she stresses to me. “I still might when I see you for making me worry, but you could’ve set that up a little better, Yasir.”

“I know, but it’s been a crazy night. Did we win, at least?” I try to steer the convo away from her being irritated with me, but I have a feeling that won’t happen.

“We did, but what’s going on that the extra guest is invited to witness?” Zahra inquires, throwing a bit of extra syrup on top of that request. “I mean, I want to make sure that I’m properly dressed for the occasion.”

“Nah, cuteness, it doesn’t work like that,” I tease. She’s not gonna get over on me that easily. “I promise it isn’t anything too fancy.”

“You’re lucky I like you, or I’d cancel on you without a second thought.” I hear her giggle, and it immediately makes me smile. “We can talk about all that the minute I slide into my Jeep.”

“Your Jeep? When did we come to that agreement?”

“When you decided to spring some epic secret on me with less than twenty-four hours’ notice.”

“Excuse me?” I hear her speakers get muffled by something.

“Yeah, that’s a best friend code violation, which means Storm is now half mine as penance for your oversight. Isn’t that right, bestie?”

Wait. Kendyl’s on the phone? What in the… Hold on a second. “Best friend code? Pause, I didn’t even—”

Kendyl doesn’t even miss a beat. “Yep! So when are you picking me up in your Jeep, sis? And he better make sure it’s gassed up and cleaned out, too. We have things to do this weekend!”

“Oh, so we’re playing those games now.” I know she’s playing—or is she? “You’re lucky you have me on speaker, I swear.”

“Yeah, whatever, you heard my bestie. You can’t disrespect the code.” I hear a couple of clicks and then more silence before Zahra says another word.

“I really am glad you’re not hurt, Yasir. I wouldn’t have been able to function, and I probably would’ve gone hunting for whoever harmed you.”

I’m not sure if I should be flattered or worried over what Zahra just said. “Hopefully, it won’t have to come to that, best friend. It’s okay, though. I’ll see you when you get back on campus. I’ll be posted up with Storm, and I’ll have the neon glowing, so you’ll know where to find me.”

“You won’t be hard to miss. I’ll see you in a few.”

I can’t be sure that what happened tonight won’t come back to bite me, but I can’t worry about it right now. Even though I do my best to make Zahra believe that I’m okay.

I’m not okay.