You’ve accomplished more than I thought possible,” Jonah said the next day. “The rounding board panels are beautiful.”
Though her nerves were on edge, Lorraine managed a smile. She had hoped that those who rode the merry-go-round would like the rounding board paintings, but most of all, she wanted Jonah to believe they were a fitting addition to his carousel. That was the reason she had put her heart into them, creating a series of panels featuring the lead horse and its companion.
In the first, a man stood next to the lead horse, smiling at his wife and the infant she held in her arms as she rode. The second showed the baby, now a young girl, riding it by herself, while a girlfriend sat on the smaller companion horse. In the third, the grown-up girl rode the lead horse’s companion, her eyes locked on her sweetheart, mounted on the lead horse. And then, because the rounding board was a circle, spectators would see the girl with her husband, holding their child. Round and round they’d go, forming the circle of life.
“I wanted to tell the story of a girl’s life,” Lorraine said as Jonah studied each of the panels. The primary panels would be interspersed with simpler ones of lilac bushes, decorative hearts, and scrolls. Later today they’d all be mounted onto the circular board and lifted into position to hide the sweeps.
Lorraine shook her head. She’d deliberately made the girl a blonde and the love of her life dark-haired. And, though she’d been tempted, she had not given the man Jonah’s features. “She’s meant to represent every girl’s dreams.”
“Marriage and babies?”
“That’s part of it, but there’s more. The real dream is love.” Lorraine’s heart began to pound. This was the opening she had sought. Mustering every ounce of courage she possessed, she would do as Mrs. Ferguson had advised and tell Jonah of her love. “Jonah . . .”
Before she could complete the sentence, a man strode into the pavilion. “The last of the parts were just delivered, and the workers are here to assemble the carousel.”
“Perfect. We’re ready.”
Her opportunity was lost.
The next few hours were bedlam, or so it seemed to Lorraine, as men hammered and pounded, turning pieces of wood and metal into a carousel, while others wheeled in the steam engine that would power the merry-go-round.
“Will you keep them outside?” Jonah asked when several of the guests, intrigued by the racket, tried to enter the pavilion. “Some of the magic is lost if they see the process.”
And so Lorraine found herself standing guard outside the building where she’d spent so many hours, convincing the guests that anticipation was good, assuring them that they’d be able to ride the carousel in two days. Eventually they tired of waiting for a glimpse of the merry-go-round and returned to the inn.
As the sun began to set, the workers left, and Jonah came outside. Though fatigue lined his face, his eyes glowed with enthusiasm.
“Do you want to see it?” he asked.
“Of course!”
When Jonah opened the door and ushered her inside with a flourish, Lorraine stopped short. Though she’d seen all the pieces, the finished carousel exceeded even her highest expectations.
“It’s magnificent.” She raised her voice to be heard over the chug of the steam engine and gazed at the painted ponies. They’d been beautiful, leaning against the pavilion walls, but now that they were mounted on the platform, standing proudly beneath the conical top and the rounding board she’d painted, they were nothing short of spectacular.
Jonah beamed with pleasure. “It’s what I had hoped for. Still, it’s hard to realize that it’s finished.” He smiled at her, his eyes radiating happiness. “Thank you for everything you did.”
“It was only a small part.”
“But an important one. I would have finished it without you, but it wouldn’t have been as beautiful.” He gestured toward the lead horse’s companion and the rounding board. “Those are special. Thank you, Lorraine.”
Jonah climbed onto the platform and pulled the lever, engaging the engine. Then, as the carousel began to move, he jumped off and stood at Lorraine’s side, watching the horses revolve.
“I think we should share the first ride,” he told her. When he was confident that everything was functioning properly, he set the brake and helped Lorraine climb onto the platform.
“Aren’t you going to ride?” she asked when he started to help her mount the lead horse.
“I’ll stand by your side.”
Though, as she’d depicted in her panel with the couple and their baby, that was the position many men took, it felt wrong to Lorraine. “You should ride the lead horse,” she insisted. “I’ll ride mine.” And for the few minutes of their ride, they would look like the young woman and her sweetheart in the third panel.
Jonah nodded and started the platform moving again, this time engaging the organ. Though the music was softer than normal so that guests would not be attracted to the pavilion, Lorraine had no trouble hearing it. As the horses revolved in the most glorious carousel ride of her life, she kept her eyes fixed on Jonah, and for the next three minutes, she scarcely breathed. This was what she wanted, being with the man she loved, sharing something they had worked together to create. This was the life she longed for. Whether they lived here or in England didn’t matter. All that mattered was being together.
When at last the music faded, Jonah shut off the engine and helped Lorraine descend from the platform. He started to walk toward the door, but she laid her hand on his arm, stopping him. Though her hands were clammy with apprehension and her heart was beating so fast that it felt as if it would escape from her chest, she knew this might be her only chance.
“I wish the ride had never ended,” she said softly.
Jonah nodded as if he understood. Perhaps he did, but there was more to be said. Much more. She could only hope her words would touch his heart and that he would not dismiss them as easily as he had their kiss.
Lorraine tried to smile as she looked up at the man she loved, but her lips refused to curve. It took all her of energy just to speak. “A month ago I didn’t know what I wanted from my life. Now I do.”
Though Jonah’s eyes widened slightly, as if she’d surprised him, he said nothing. It was up to her to continue.
Lorraine took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she formulated her words. “I know a woman’s not supposed to say these things, but I can’t let you go back to England without hearing them.” She paused for a second before letting the words she’d kept deep in her heart flow. “I love you, Jonah. I want to be your wife.”
For the briefest of instants, she saw happiness in his eyes, but all too soon it was replaced by sorrow. “What about the man you’re supposed to marry and your inheritance?” he asked.
“I can’t marry Robert. I don’t love him. I’ve told both him and my uncle that.” Lorraine kept her hand on Jonah’s arm, as much to steady herself as to keep him from turning aside. “I realized the inheritance doesn’t matter. You were right when you told me my parents’ legacy wasn’t money. I hope Cousin Alan doesn’t squander it, but if he does, it’s his decision. I can’t live my life trying to protect him from himself.”
“You’d be poor.”
Lorraine shook her head. “You’ve shown me that what a person does is more important than the money he accumulates. I don’t need new gowns or fancy jewelry. All I need is love.” Lorraine looked into Jonah’s eyes, willing him to understand. “All I need is you.”
“Oh, Lorraine.” Only two words, but they were so filled with emotion that they brought a lump to her throat. “I wish my situation were different, but it isn’t.” He laid his hand on top of hers, as if he were trying to comfort her. “I can’t give you what you want. You know I have an obligation to my parents.”
She had thought of little else. Though she had never met them, Lorraine could not believe that Jonah’s parents would be so cruel as to deprive him of true love. “Surely they’ll understand, if they know you love me.”
His eyes were solemn as he gazed into hers. “It’s not a matter of understanding. My family’s honor is at stake. That’s more important than you or me.”
He sounded almost angry, and Lorraine wished she knew whether the anger was directed at his situation or at her for asking for more than he could give. Perhaps it was silly to pursue it when she knew there would be no happy outcome, but, though her heart ached so deeply that she feared it would never heal, Lorraine could not leave without knowing the truth.
“You don’t love me.” She made it a statement, not a question.
Anguish filled Jonah’s eyes. “I didn’t say that.”
“But it’s what you meant. You’re willing to throw away our chance at happiness.” Suddenly, sorrow turned to anger. “You’re a fool, Jonah Mann, but I’m an even bigger one. I should have known better than to believe someone might love me.”
She tugged her hand away from his and clenched her fists. “Goodbye, Jonah. I hope your honor brings you happiness.”