Contents

Epigraph

How to Jolly Up a Surly, Hungover Band During an Interview

1.

I am fifteen. I am going to my first concert…

Mastering the Crucial Opening Patter

2.

My path toward interviewing the famous was a meandering one.

The Setting: Why the Chilcotin Plateau of Central British Columbia Is a Capital Idea

3.

I gave up trying to escape my family long ago.

The Paparazzi: Welcome, Friends

4.

If you were to look at my past jobs, you’d…

How to Control the Panic When Your Subject Is Absurdly Famous

5.

On the night before my job interview at Rolling Stone,…

How to Approach an R & B Artist When You’re the Whitest Person in the Western World

6.

The second I stepped through the doors of Rolling Stone…

None for Me, Thanks: Gracefully Refusing Your Host’s Kind Offer of Heroin

7.

The more I was exposed to the gloss of New…

The Contrived Activity

8.

What most people find festive—a weekend at a beach…

Booze: At Least As Important As Your Tape Recorder

9.

“Just hear me out,” my friend Tina was telling me…

It Can Be Done: Manipulating Your Way into the Kitchen Cabinet

10.

After a two-week period of flying to Los Angeles, London,…

Dirt-Gathering: Shortcuts to Finding the Least Loyal Person in an Entourage

11.

I met Sean at an East Village roof party. He…

The Unfortunate Remark: A Moral Dilemma

12.

The next morning I called Dinah for the postmortem on…

It’s Beluga, Baby: How to Get Over a Boyfriend with the Help of the Ultimate Ladies’ Man

13.

One morning at Rolling Stone, Jann called me into his…

Drugs: Deciphering Your Metal Star’s Mixed Message

14.

The more it was apparent that my days as a…

How to Write a Sex Column Despite a Distinct Lack of Field Research

15.

It was time that I started fixing my own affairs.…

The Difficult Question: When to Bring Up the Church of Scientology

16.

I had just walked into my apartment with my nightly…

The Gold Standard: Successfully Worming Your Way into the House

17.

After my chat with Loretta I decided it was time…

Gay Icons: A Homo Run!

18.

As my life took a gentler turn, I started to…

A Reminder, After Years of Jangled Nerves, That the Famous Are Not So Different from You and Me

19.

Saturday afternoon and my father was on the phone droning…



Acknowledgments

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