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Blake
“I know, Shelby,” Charlie laughed. “I was there when it happened.”
“What the hell is going on?” Wilder asked.
Charlie moved the phone from his ear. “I think your girl is drunk, bud. She keeps telling me Missy is having my baby.”
Wilder cocked his head to the side. “I didn’t think the girls were drinking tonight because Shelby feels weird when she drinks in front of Missy right now.”
Charlie shrugged. “Well, maybe she changed her mind because she sounds drunk to me.”
Wilder nodded to Charlie. “Put it on speaker and let me talk to her.”
Charlie hit the speaker button and held it toward Wilder.
Get to the damn hospital, Charlie, I’m in labor!” Missy hollered.
“Oh, shit,” Charlie gasped.
“That’s what I’ve been telling him,” Shelby whined.
“Get to Adams General, Charlie, and bring Missy’s bag,” Shannon shouted.
“Oh, shit,” Charlie gasped.
The call ended, and Charlie stared at the phone.
“I’m having a baby,” Charlie whispered.
Wilder looked at me, his eyes ready to bug out of his head. “What the hell do we do?” he asked.
I chuckled and stood. “Well, I think we should grab Missy’s bag and head to Adams General.” You know, exactly what Shannon had just told us to do.
“Bag?” Charlie gasped. “I don’t know what bag she is talking about,” he panicked. “I can’t have a baby if I don’t know what bag she is talking about.”
Wilder was still staring at where I had been sitting.
“Uh, you didn’t see Missy packing a bag with things she’s going to want at the hospital?” I asked. Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t freak out under pressure. “She had to have talked about it, Charlie.”
Charlie slowly stood and looked around. “It’s not here.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. Good god. “Uh, well, no, it wouldn’t be here since you guys don’t live here. I’m sure it has to be at your house. Let’s head there to look for it, and then we’ll go to the hospital.” I assumed Missy had to have it sitting out somewhere for easy access for times just like this.
“I’m drunk,” Wilder stated. He pointed at Charlie. “You’re drunk, too, and you’re having a baby. You can’t have a baby when you’re drunk.”
I was pretty sure Charlie had sobered up the second Missy had hollered at him that she was in labor.
“He’s right,” Charlie gasped. “I’m drunk.”
Neither of them was drunk. They had a couple of beers and just shouldn’t be driving. They weren’t stumbling around drunk or anything.
Though Charlie was stumbling, that was more shock than anything. He walked to the front door and tripped over his feet as he opened it. “Oh my god,” he whispered. “I can’t have a baby if I can’t even open the door.”
Maybe we could make a stop on the way to the hospital for a cup of coffee. Something to get these fools to wise up.
“Everyone get in my car,” I called. “I’m driving. Charlie, sit in the front seat, and Wilder, sit in the back. Let’s go.” I herded them to my car and locked the door on my way out.
Charlie hopped in the front passenger seat, and Wilder sat in the middle of the back.
“Holy cow,” Wilder called. “You’re gonna be a dad.”
Charlie braced his hands on the dash and started hyperventilating. “I’m... having... a... baby.”
I cranked up the car and backed out of the driveway. “Your girl is having a baby, Charlie; you’re just freaking out because your whole life is about to change.”
“Dude,” Wilder laughed. “Is that supposed to help him feel better?”
It was meant to shock him, and wake him up.
“You’re right.” Charlie dropped his hands and turned to me. His eyes were clear, and a smile was on his lips.
Maybe it had worked.
“You guys realize we're about to witness the miracle of life, right?” Charlie exclaimed, a hint of disbelief in his voice. “I mean, I've seen all those birthing videos, but this is the real deal!”
Wilder chuckled from the backseat. “Yeah, Charlie, but don't forget it's also the miracle of sleepless nights and diaper changes. Are you ready for that?”
Charlie feigned a dramatic gasp, placing a hand over his heart. “Oh, the horror! But seriously, guys, I've been practicing my dad jokes. I'm ready for the dad life.”
I couldn't help but laugh. “You've been practicing dad jokes?” This was much better than Charlie freaking out.
Charlie nodded a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Absolutely. Check this out: Why did the scarecrow become a successful dad? Because he was outstanding in his field!”
Wilder and I burst into laughter, and even Charlie couldn't help but join in. His joy was infectious, and for a moment, the impending sleepless nights and diaper changes seemed like minor inconveniences to him.
“You happen to remember what bag we’re picking up?” I asked.
“Yeah, it’s right by the front door.”
“Man,” Wilder laughed. “How the hell did you just do a one-eighty?”
Charlie sat back and sighed. “I don’t know, man. I’ve been waiting for months for this, and now it’s here. I think I was just shocked for a second.” He rubbed his hands together. “I am so ready for this. Bring on that little baby girl.”
The car was now buzzing with a mix of excitement and anticipation as we sped toward the hospital.
It took him thirty seconds to run into the house, grab the bag, and return to the passenger seat.
Charlie, the soon-to-be dad, now had a grin that could rival a Cheshire cat's. His eyes darted between the road and the floorboard, where his Missy’s hospital bag sat.
As we approached the hospital, Charlie's grin widened. “I can't wait to meet our little one. And you guys better be prepared for some top-notch dad humor. It's gonna be legendary!”
Wilder glanced at me, shaking his head with a smile. "Well, Blake, get ready to be the uncle with the eye-rolling jokes."
I chuckled, realizing that life was about to change for all of us, and Charlie's lighthearted humor was the perfect way to kick off this new chapter. Little did we know, we were in for a ride full fun, laughter, and Charlie's legendary dad jokes.