| |
Blake
My chest tightened as she stood in front of me, anger and grief battling within me. The loss of my brother weighed heavily on my shoulders, and back in that moment years ago, she became the target of my pain.
“I blamed you for Sheldon’s death.”
Shannon reared back as if I had hit her.
“If it weren’t for you, he would still be here today.” I paused and sat in that for a second. I closed my eyes and sighed.
“Blake, I don’t want to–.”
I shook my head and opened my eyes. “I know it’s not your fault, Shannon. At least, I know it’s not your fault, logically. I was in therapy for a long time to finally be able to say that.”
“I don’t understand,” she whispered.
“I know it’s not your fault, but sometimes my heart needed someone to blame. Someone more than the dumbass drunk who thought he could drive home.” My shoulders slumped. “I’m just still so mad, Shannon. Sheldon had such a bright future; it was just gone in a second. All the good he could have done never was.”
“I know,” she whispered. “If I could go back and take his place, I would. Sheldon deserved so much more than what he got.”
“He deserved what you have.” Those words were mean, but he did deserve what Shannon had, but Shannon deserved it, too.
Shannon blinked rapidly and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “For years, I prayed for god to take me and bring back Sheldon, Blake. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I would never have picked up the phone if I had known what would have happened that day. I never would have talked to Sheldon again if it meant he would still be here today,” she cried.
I had prayed for the same things. Maybe if I would have called him that morning, he wouldn’t have thought to call Shannon. If his alarm wouldn’t go off, he wouldn’t have been on the road at the exact same time as that damn drunk.
There were so many ifs, and even though I thought about them all the time, none of them would ever bring back Sheldon.
He was gone, and we were both going to have to accept it.
Somehow.
Someday.
“I’m so sorry, Blake. I will say it for the rest of my life, and it won’t be enough. It won’t bring back Sheldon, but it’s all I have to offer.” A sob escaped her lips, and she swiped her hand down her face. “I’m just so damn sorry.” She turned away, her eyes to the ground. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again.
She started to walk, the distance between us growing. I wanted to call out and tell her to stay, but the words wouldn’t come.
The echoes of her words lingered in the air.
She broke into a run and fled as fast as she could from me.
I didn’t blame her, but all that had come out was me blaming her.
My heart ached at the loss of Sheldon, but also the loss of Shannon.
I hadn’t just lost my brother that day; I had also lost my future with Shannon.