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Blake
I sat across from Wilder in the dimly lit bar on the main street of Adams. The weight of grief and guilt bore down on me, and I couldn't keep it bottled up any longer.
Shannon had taken off a week ago, and I hadn’t gone after her. I had let her go, and it was eating me alive.
He deserved what you got.
My words replayed in my head over and over. I should have explained; I should have told her she deserved the life she had, too.
“Wilder, I don't know how to get past this,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “I know it wasn't Shannon's fault. It was that damn drunk driver. But every time I look at her, all I see is Sheldon.”
Wilder's gaze softened, understanding the pain etched on my face. “Blake, losing your brother like that is unimaginable. It's okay to feel angry and hurt. But you can't keep blaming Shannon for something she had no control over.”
“I know, I know,” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “I paid thousands and thousands to a therapist to understand it wasn’t her fault. I believed it, too, but then I saw her and everything just came crashing into me. I loved her, Wilder. I wanted a life with her before the accident. I was only eighteen and barely knew what love was, but I felt it with her. But now, every time I close my eyes, I see Sheldon. It's like I'm stuck in that moment years ago.”
Wilder leaned forward, his expression serious. “Blake, you lost your brother, and that's a pain no one can take away. But you're not the only one who suffered that day. Shannon lost her friend too. It's a shared grief, and blaming her won't bring Sheldon back.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as I wrestled with conflicting emotions. “I want to be with her, but I don't know how to move forward. The guilt, the anger—it's tearing me apart.”
Wilder nodded empathetically. “You need to talk to Shannon and share your feelings. Let her know what you're going through. It won't be easy, but you both need to understand each other's pain. You can't carry this burden alone anymore.”
“I tried that, and I totally fucked it up, Wilder. All I was able to get out was it was her fault, and she has the life Sheldon should have had.”
“Damn,” Wilder cringed. “You really didn’t mince words, huh?”
“I messed up, and I need to fix it,” I sighed.
“Then talk to her again. Don’t let your grief and anger cloud what you want to say. Tell her everything you just told me, and see what she has to say.”
I took a deep breath, contemplating Wilder's words. “You're right. I need to talk to her, but it feels like I'm betraying Sheldon by moving on. It’s weird, but the anger and grief make me feel close to him. If I let that go, I’ll lose him.”
Wilder placed a hand on my shoulder. “Blake, Sheldon wouldn't want you to be stuck in this pain. He'd want you to find happiness. And who knows, maybe facing this together with Shannon will bring you and Shannon back together.”